Riding the Fence
by morethanmyself
Summary: He's everything she thought she'd never want. He just wanted to get in her pants. Which side of the fence does she land on? "I don't go all fan-girl crush on anybody. I don't plan on starting now, either, especially over some random boy." 100% Cowboy Free
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This one kind of needs a warning and this will be the only one I'm giving :) This story will contain frank discussions about sexuality as well as descriptions of both heterosexual and non-heterosexual sex. If you find any of that offensive, it probably isn't for you.

Riding the Fence

Ch. 1

I smooth my hand over the soft, supple flesh of her side, around the curve of her breast, the indent of her waist, the flair of her hip. Laying behind her, I kiss across her shoulder blades, the long lines of her neck. I stop to suckle, nip behind her ear, and enjoy the soft moan I'm rewarded with. My hand traces the top of her thigh inwards to the soft space hidden between. I feel the course, curly hairs and the wetness beneath.

This is my favorite place in the world, curled behind the back of a beautiful woman, arching backs, curling limbs, undulating hips, all soft and sweet, smooth and feminine. She tastes divine, like lemons and sweetness, like pure sin. My fingers begin to press in, spreading her open, sliding slickness, swollen, throbbing flesh. Teasing around her clit with my thumb, my middle two fingers find their way inside, feeling her tighten around them, desperate, needy.

"Come for me. Please, come for me," I whisper, begging her lowly; even I can hear the sultry desperation in my own voice.

Her hips begin moving in rhythmic circles, around and around, riding my fingers while my thumb flicks her clit, pressing in, circling, working her higher and higher, tighter and tighter. My legs are tangled with her, my hips thrusting against her thigh, desperate for my own release. My other hand finds its way to her breasts, palming, pulling, peaking her pebbled nipples. Her moans are coming out as one long sound, her hips are moving at break-neck speed, back and forth as I work her into a frenzy.

I feel her go rigid beside me, clamping down on my fingers as her orgasm explodes through her. Her moans are deafening in my ear, but it's the scream of my name that make my heart race.

"Oh god, Bella, Bella, B...B...ella!" she cries my name like a plea, like an offering, like an absolution. My fingers have slowed their rhythm to match the soft, easing thrusts of her hips and as she comes to a rest I'm kissing her shoulders again, smoothing her sweaty, dark hair off her glowing face. She turns her sienna eyes to me, smiling sleepily and snuggling into my arms, which tighten around her protectively.

"You are so fucking beautiful," I say huskily into her ear.

The night goes on like this, we pass out, punch-drunk, only to awaken a little later to resume fucking. By the time the sun is shining strong through the curtains, we've slept enough for things to become awkward. She's gathering her clothes, strewn haphazardly around the room; the sexy dress I peeled off her is hanging on the corner of the desk, her panties found their way to the far side of the bed, and, curiously, one of her heels is in my bathroom sink.

I watch her ass sway as she wiggles back into her dress, shoving her panties into her purse. I smirk at the blush on her cheek- I have no shame in what we've done, but find it fascinating that she's embarrassed. It was fucking, pure unadulterated fucking. There is nothing wrong with that.

I love women, everything about them. Their bodies are absolutely amazing, the soft curves and rounded angles. Their scents are a melody of contradictions: sharp, musky, wild. Their voices, gah, a woman's voice thick with lust is the sexiest sound in the world. I generally try not to define myself by my sexuality. I've been known to ride the baloney pony, I have nothing against boys. But, honestly? If true love exists, I just don't know how mine could have a dick. In general though, I find nothing shameful about being attracted to and worshiping a beautiful body, regardless of gender.

She's finished dressing, and there is no pretense of exchanged phone numbers or promises of future meetings. Hell, I can't even be sure I remember her name. She leaves nothing behind to remind me, except for the smell of her on my skin and the satisfied grin that will be plastered on my face for the rest of the day.

After I hear the click of the front door closing, I swing my legs over the side of the bed, stretching my back, arms high above my head and groan at the delicious aches and kinks in my muscles. I pull my long, curly brown hair back into a pony tail, throw on a tank top and knit pants, then walk out of my room in search of coffee. Instead, I find my roommate, Jasper, sitting on the couch with the Xbox controller in hand and a dazed look on his face.

"Damn, Bella! Where the hell do you find these women? Leah was fuck-hot!"

"Leah! That's her name. Leah. I knew it started with an L," I grin at him cheekily. "You know Alice would have your balls if she heard you right now." I may not like Alice, but I like that she keeps Jasper on a short leash. And I fucking love that she saved his dumb ass when the rest of us couldn't. Drugs are bad, mkay? Just say 'no'.

"At least that's the name you were screaming out when you woke me up at fucking dark-thirty this morning," he rolls his eyes at me in chastisement, completely ignoring my invocation of the Holy Girlfriend's name. "How is it that you can scream the poor girl's name for hours and then not remember it in the morning?"

"Jasper, I don't want to think about how much I had to drink last night. I was damned lucky I remember where I lived, much less what her name was. The fact that I didn't pass the fuck out is purely a testament to my superior sexual prowess." It's true, I may have overindulged last night, but it's not often that a random stranger in the bar turns twenty-one and buys rounds for everyone. I silently thank the god of alcohol consumption that I don't get hangovers. Ever. I know, I know, don't hate, it's not attractive.

"You know if you were a guy, you would get shit for your revolving bedroom door," he says with a raised eyebrow and smirk.

"Yeah, and if I was _doing_ guys, I'd be called a whore," I retort. "Now, if we're done with the shitting-on-Bella portion of our day, I'd like some coffee. Did you make a fresh pot?"

"Sure, sure, B, it's in the kitchen, I made it thirty minutes ago in anticipation of your sunny post-late-night disposition," he turns back to his video game. Shit'll rot your brains out, if you ask me. But, he didn't, so I go in search of caffeine and get ready for work.

I'm a waitress at Applebees. I know, it's original. I even have flair...and I don't mean my sassy personality, ha! Uh, yeah, anyway. I'm sure there's some PC name for what I do, "Food service technician" or "Culinary delivery person". The truth would be "holder of English BA who delivers greasy, overpriced food to glutinous, rude people who think I serve them as a form of charity and don't require payment for my services."

I didn't mean to end up a waitress, but after working my way through college, I actually make more as an experienced waitress, than I would at an entry level position with a publishing house. My degree isn't a total waste, though, I'm working on a novel. But, seriously? Who the fuck isn't? Douches at Starbucks sit at their laptops on Saturdays watching each other write books. Novel writing has taken on the status of spectator sport.

I should have thought my "life plan" out a little bit better. I bet I would have made a kick ass CPA. Except for that whole math thing. Numbers and I are not friends unless I'm calculating the five percent tip the people at table three just left me. Assholes. I smiled at them and everything. Even when the nasty 1000 year old Methuselah "accidentally" grabbed my ass. He squeezed. How the fuck do you accidentally squeeze someone's ass? I hope his arthritis flares up tonight from the strenuous activity.

My manager, Emmett comes up as I'm scowling at the table, picking up the $2.50 in pennies they left me, and wondering why I agreed to cover Jessica's shift. Two hours. I go home in two hours.

"What did that poor table ever do to you?" he asks jovially. Emmett says everything jovially. I think he should be the guy who has to tell you your grandmother didn't make it through surgery, or that you have an inoperable tumor. The news would still suck, but the delivery would soften the blow.

"I'm not even supposed to be here today, Randal," I sigh. It's a deep, resigned, sigh. I can see by the sheepish look on Emmett's face, that my day is not about to get any better.

"Yeah, B. About that. Umm, Newton called in. It would be ok, but we have a huge party coming in tonight, reserved weeks ago. I need you to stay to serve it." Fucker still sounds jovial. I wonder how jovial he'd be with his dick shoved so far up his ass he chokes on it. But, then his wife, our bartender, Rosalie, would come after me. I'm too pretty to die, and as gorgeous as Bartender Barbie is, she's also Knife You in the Fucking Back Barbie. Bitch is scary.

"Fine, but you owe me. I don't even know what I want, but it'll cost you," I threaten, he just smirks and laughs his jovial belly-laugh. Laugh it up, Chuckles, laugh it up.

As he's walking away, he calls back just a little too loudly, "That must have been some mighty fine ass you had last night; you're all mellow and shit. I thought for sure you'd have my balls for making you stay!" The mother at the table next to me, gasps and covers her kid's ears, scowling at _me_ the whole time. Great, another table I won't be paid for. Fucker.

The evening drags on and finally, the party has arrived. There must be thirty of them, which means we'll have five servers. You do the math, eighteen percent mandatory tip divided by five people. If you got "fuck me hard and long", that's the correct answer! I sigh another deep and resigned sigh and put on my winning smile, hoping it doesn't scare the small children.

"Hello, welcome to Applebee's, I'm Bella, I'll be your head server tonight! I'm going to get the drink orders for this part of the table while the other servers go around to the other parts!" The key to a good introduction is volume and excitement. At least that's what the training manual said. Personally, I think I sound like a cheerleader on uppers. I barely make eye contact as I write down the drink orders. Lots of diet cokes, so people will probably be ordering extra cheese on everything. Less sugar equals more calories for artery clogging fat. Makes perfect sense to me.

Eventually, I get to the last person in my section and bump their arm accidentally. There's a mild static shock and I glance up to apologize. Except that suddenly, I can't even remember what I'm supposed to be sorry for.

I am staring into the most strikingly vivid green eyes I've ever seen. If pine needles and apple jolly ranchers had babies, they would be the color of his eyes. My eyes briefly trace the line of his perfectly straight nose, and come to rest on the softest looking pair of lips I've ever seen on a man. The lips curve up into a smirk as I hear, somewhere far in the distance, a throat clear. I realize, much to my embarrassment, I've basically been eye fucking the guy in front of me.

"Oh, um, right. I'm Bella, I'm your server...but I guess we already went through that part, didn't we?" My brain is completely gone. I think I lost it somewhere between his eyes and his lips. Maybe I should go back there and look for it? I wonder if he would be offended if I licked him?

"Erm, yes, well. Drinks! Yes! Drinks! You want them, I'll bring them." Holy fuck, someone bring me the duct tape and a ball gag.

He winks at me, raising an eye brow and continues to smirk, "I'll have a water with lemon, please, _Bella_." He uses the Italian inflections, making it sound foreign and dirty coming from his sexy fucking mouth. My nipples stand at attention upon hearing him say my name; as if it's a call to arms and they're jumping into formation, ready to cut glass on command. I can almost hear them sigh, "Oh captain, my captain." And his voice, holy shit, his voice is like warm honey, drizzled across my body, just begging him to lick it off. It caresses me, touches me, tickles my ear and sucks my neck.

His eyes flick down to the slight movement underneath my tight, red button up shirt. His grin broadens when he sees the girls are saluting him. Hearing him say my name made my nipples hard- seeing his grin take over his face and make his eyes alight with mirth? Now I'm fucking dripping. I don't know that my pussy has ever been this wet before without being touched. His smile, I'm a goddamn waterfall over his smile. What the fuck is he doing to me?

I escape Smirky McSmirkerson and go get the drinks. I'm half tempted to drink the scotch someone ordered and pretend to spill it, but even though my brain is gone, I still know that Bartender Barbie is scary as shit, and will not hesitate to cut a bitch over pilfered alcohol.

By some miracle, I'm able to deliver the drinks and get the appetizer and food orders from the rest of the table. Finally, I can't avoid him any longer and find myself standing in front of him, willing my eyes to focus on my order pad. I can do this. I'm a professional goddamnit! I will not be reduced to a pile of girl-goo by a pretty boy. But, god, he's so pretty. Mmmm, Pretty Boy.

And then my eyes betray me and decide that it's been too long since they've ogled him. Goddamn traitors.

Somehow when I was focused on his face before, the rest of him escaped my notice. My eyes drift past his perfectly tousled bronze hair, that beautiful face and down to his torso. Oh, fuck me. He's not pretty. He's "fuck me up against a wall in a crowded room" hot. He's "you can have it _any_ way you want it" hot. He's "I don't know if you can actually go blind from orgasms, but let's find out" hot.

His white dress shirt clings to him and hints at the muscles beneath. Is that...is it...holy shit, it is! He has a barbell running through his left nipple, I can just make out the shape pressing against his shirt. The long sleeves of his shirt are rolled up to just below his elbows and his forearms, his mother fucking forearms are making my clit twitch. He has tattoos running up both arms, disappearing under his sleeves. I want to lick them. I've never wanted to lick anything more in my whole life- and that's saying something. I get lost momentarily in day dreams of tracing lines of black ink and color with my tongue. I can almost taste him.

Again with the far away throat clearing. What? What could possibly be so important as to interrupt this...oh, right. My job. I'm supposed to be doing something. Hell if I know what it is. I glance up to see Pretty Boy smirking at me again. Though his eyes seem to be doing their own fair share of wandering. My nipples practically vibrate at the attention, checking to be sure they're still in proper formation should they be called upon for duty.

I shake my head, trying to force myself to focus. I get his order and practically run from the table. I have to clear my head so I can think, before I just go lay down on his lap and start rubbing on him like a damn cat. I'm pretty sure the woman next to him, who I assume is his mother, wouldn't approve. Though I'm about ten seconds from handing her a video camera and asking her to film it.

I manage to make it through the rest of their meal with only minor leering on my part. I imagine that I feel his eyes watching my ass as I move around the table, so I make sure to shake and sway it just a bit, but that could just be wishful thinking on my part. Now that I've managed to avoid looking directly at him for several minutes, I'm starting to feel flustered and embarrassed. I have _never_ been effected by a boy this way. Hell, I've never been effected by a chick like this, either. Seriously, what the fuck is he _doing_ to me?

The other servers begin to clear the table as the party begins to break up. Pretty Boy is still sitting there, every time I walk into the room, his eyes snap away from his dinner companions and try to catch mine. I'm purposefully avoiding him. I need to keep my mind clear. The effect he has on my body, without even touching me, is freaking me the fuck out. I don't go all fan-girl crush on anybody. I don't plan on starting now, either, especially over some random boy. I'm almost free to go home, where I plan on bringing out the biggest vibrator I own and fucking myself into a coma, thinking of his voice and forearms and his lickable as hell lips.

Half an hour later, I'm counting out my tips, getting ready to clock out for the night, and I notice a piece of paper mixed in with the bills. I almost throw it away before I notice my name written on the other side. Opening it, I see a phone number and a name. Edward Cullen.

I know without a doubt that it belongs to Pretty Boy, despite the fact that it could technically be from any of the tables I waited tonight. After a brief debate with myself, I decide to throw it away. I have to- the lack of control I have over myself around him can't be good. Except that apparently my hands have joined my eyes and nipples in mutiny, and I feel the paper slip into my pocket. Goddamn mutineering body parts.

* * *

A/N: I would love to know everyone's thoughts on the chapter! Show of hands, how many people were caught off guard by that first scene, lol?

The story will be told in alternating BPOV/EPOV, so next up we'll hear from Edward. I promise not to do that annoying thing where I just retell the same chapter from both perspectives. I plan on updating on Wednesdays :) Thank you, dear reader, so much, for reading!

As always, I less-than-three my Beta, **Nitareality**, and my pre-reader **SammieLynnsMom** is also 200 kinds of awesome!

My recommendation for this week is **Our Lives Unbound** by **theladyingrey42** "My mind is trapped in circles, my loneliness pressing in. Unable to speak, I reach for her spark. In her eyes, I find my partner. In her command, I find my freedom. Together, we open our lives to something more. AU/AH, D/s, male sub."

Still don't own anything. ~Kimberly


	2. Chapter 2

Riding the Fence

Ch. 2

EPOV

Sitting on a bar stool, drinking a lukewarm beer, I'm waiting for my cousin Alice, and her boyfriend, Jasper. As I mindlessly toy with the bottle cap on the bar in front of me, I slowly crane my neck, looking around the bar. There has to be a woman here who would be a good distraction. I'm not a man-whore by any means, but after not hearing from Bella last weekend, I'm ready to move on. I've spent entirely too much time thinking about her and staring at my phone.

My mind drifts back to Bella and I remember why I was so eager to hear from her. God she was gorgeous. As soon as she brushed against my arm that night I was overwhelmed with a thousand dirty things I had wanted to do to and with her. I had visions of my dick planted firmly between her luscious lips and her huge deceptively innocent brown eyes looking up at me. Her long, pale, perfectly shaped legs wrapped around my waist as I slammed into her up against a wall, on my bed, fuck on the goddamned table at the restaurant in front of my _mother_, while she screamed my name.

I thought we had a connection, too. I know I saw her eye fucking me just as much as I was her. Which is why I was so surprised that I hadn't heard from her in the past week. But, I'm not going to sit around and pine over a girl that I haven't even had a conversation with. Tonight I'll find someone to take my mind off her.

Alice's squeal pulls me out of my thoughts, as she comes bounding through the bar towards me, her feet looking as if they never touch the ground. I forgot how much I've missed the midget, she is a huge reason I moved back to Seattle. Not that I'd ever tell _her_ that, she would never let me hear the end of it. But, we were as close as siblings growing up and we'd kept in weekly contact, even when I moved out east for college. After graduation two years ago and then working to build a clientele base for my web design business, I had really started to miss my family. So, I packed up and came back. I've been back in town for almost two weeks and since Alice wiggled her way out of the family dinner last weekend, this is the first time I've seen her in over a year.

She throws her arms around me as I lift her up and tightly hug her.

"God, I missed you, Edward! I'm so glad you're back!" She says exuberantly as I set her back down.

I laugh at her, "Yeah, Midget, so much that you skipped out on my homecoming dinner!"

She shoots me a dirty look at the use of my nickname for her. We both look over to see that Jasper has finally made his way through the growing crowd in the bar as he walks up to us.

"Good to see you, man. How's it going?" he asks, shaking my outstretched hand.

"You know, same old, same old. Getting settled in town, all that shit," I explain.

The waitress indicates that our table is ready, so I abandon my now very warm beer and follow her to our table. I slide into the booth and sit down opposite Alice and Jasper before we give our drink orders to the waitress.

"So, Alice, how exactly did you get out of the dinner last weekend? I really owe you for abandoning me like that." I look at her wryly, I still can't believe she wasn't there.

"Oh, don't be such a drama queen, Edward. I'm sure it wasn't so bad. As for how I got out of it, well, it's my little secret," she laughs, like there was anything funny about that shit.

"Tanya was there, Alice. Fucking Tanya. The woman that doesn't understand the meaning of 'I don't care how far removed you are, I'm still related to you'?" I shudder slightly and scrub my hand over my face, like that's going to do anything to temper the memory of Tanya's claws stroking my arm as she stood too close to me.

Jasper gives me a look of mild revulsion while laughing, and Alice just snickers under her breath. I roll my eyes at both of them. There's nothing funny about being hit on by someone who can be included on your family tree.

We spend the next several minutes just catching up and teasing one another.

"So, are we going to order food? I'm starving," I say, not mentioning that part about still needing to find my distraction for evening.

"Actually, we're waiting for my roommate," Jasper tells me.

Alice shakes her head at the mention of the roommate and I ask her about it.

"She's fine, I guess. She's just kind of a bitch. I actually met Jasper through her, she and I were kind of friends for a while, but some shit went down and now we're not. Let's just say that I disagree with her about a lot of things, and instead of being an adult and talking about it, she chooses to be a bitch to me."

I look to Jasper to get his take, but he just holds his hands up in front of him. "I stay out of it, man. That's between them."

"Okay, then. So, when do you think she'll be here?" I'm kind of curious about the elusive roommate now. Jasper's a nice guy and he lives with her, so I don't know how bad she can really be. But, I've known Alice my whole life and there are very few people she doesn't like.

"Soon, I hope. She said she had something she had to do before she came," he responds.

At the same time I hear Alice say under her breath, "or someone" and roll her eyes.

I'm about to ask her what she means when a woman coming through the door catches my eye. My vision seems to zero in on her and the conversation around me fades away. My mouth may be hanging open, I can't really be certain right now. Long, perfect legs. Great tits. Long auburn hair. Full, pouty lips. Huge, brown eyes. Fuck me. Bella. She's looking around like she's searching for someone. Before I'm even conscious of what I'm doing, I'm already moving. I'm going to make sure she sees me first.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to the, uh...bathroom," I say awkwardly as I scoot out of the booth.

Not waiting for Jasper and Alice to say anything, though I can only imagine the look they're giving me, I stride across the bar to where Bella is still standing at the entry way. She doesn't notice me right away and I take a moment to just look at her and try to will my body under control. Even though this is only our second meeting, my body seems to instantly recognize her and reacts to her presence. I want her. Badly.

"Bella, I didn't expect to see you here tonight," I say, finally moving closer to stand beside her. She jumps in surprise and looks up at me with a shocked expression.

"Oh, um, Edward, right? I...you...friends," she says, stumbling over her words and blushing lightly. Clearing her throat she continues, "What I meant was that I wasn't expecting to see you either, I'm here to meet some friends." She resumes looking around, this time slightly desperately.

I'm not going to let her get away that easily though. I really want to know why she didn't call me; I know there was something there between us. I can feel it again now, the low hum of attraction and sexual tension that buzzes in the space between our bodies. I know she can feel it too, her flustered words, blush, and nervous lip biting are compelling proof.

"I left you my number, I really had hoped you would call," I say, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand, unable to completely hide my disappointment.

"Oh, yeah, I lost it somehow. Sorry about that," she brushes me off, not making eye contact.

"Well, it's a good thing that I ran into you, then. I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me sometime?" I've turned so I'm standing in front of her, my hand lightly caressing her forearm and I feel her lean into my touch ever so slightly. So, her next words don't sink in right away.

"Umm, no. No, I can't have dinner with you, sorry," she shrugs nonchalantly, and looks completely unapologetic, yet she's still biting her lip nervously and blushing slightly.

God this woman is a fucking symphony of contradictions and distractions. That's when I realize exactly what she's said.

"No? That's it?" I ask, looking at her incredulously. I'm really confused. I mean, I've been turned down before, there's always the odd married woman or something, but never just flat out negative with no explanation.

"Yeah, 'no', it's English for 'not interested'. In French, it's 'non', in German it's 'nein', in Croatian it's 'bez'," she says, looking at me with her eyebrow quirked. "Do I need to go on, or does one of those work for you?"

"Wait, you speak Croatian?" My eyebrows knit together as I try to work out where the hell this conversation is going. I'm still confused and it isn't getting any better, despite the ever increasing number of words being spoken between us.

"What? No, I don't speak Croatian. Why would you...What does that have to do...What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with _me_? You turn me down in languages you don't even speak, and you want to know what's wrong with me?"

By this point she is staring at me with her lips pursed, blinking rapidly in annoyance. I've somehow lost control of this conversation and have no idea how that happened. She has to be the most confusing and frustrating woman I've ever met- and I don't think I've ever wanted anyone more.

I decide to go all in and use every weapon in my arsenal. I smile my signature 'panty-dropping' crooked smile and lean in to whisper in her ear lowly, my voice husky with desire, "If dating isn't your 'thing', I'm sure we can find something else we could both enjoy instead."

I pull back quickly to look at her expression and for just a moment her eyes glaze over. Her tongue is sitting paralyzed between her lips, where she was wetting them, and she sighs. I have her; I know that look and it always culminates with my cock buried inside a woman while she clawed my back, screaming. My cock decides to declare victory, standing up to accept his award, he even has a speech planned.

She leans forward, resting her forehead against my chest and I feel her tremble slightly against me. I'm more than ready to finally have her lips on mine, so I tilt her chin up to kiss her. I don't get any further than tilting her chin though. With one look at her face, my expression morphs from lustful to horrified and I swear to god I hear a record scratching as my whole game comes crashing down. She isn't trembling in desire. She's trembling because she's _laughing_. Motherfucking laughing! At me!

I want to demand to know what is so fucking funny. My dick wants to know what happened to his award and is demanding a recount, because surely this is a mistake. Neither of us got the chance to voice our demands.

Shaking her head, still laughing, I hear her say, "Yeah, definitely no" as she walks away from both me and my dick.

I stand there gaping after her, wondering what the fuck had just happened. I mean, I'm _me_. Women love me. There has to be some way to convince Bella to give in to the sexual chemistry between us. I stand there for several seconds, thinking of what my next move is going to be, and watch her walk across the bar.

Then Bella does something else that shocks the shit out of me. She walks up to Jasper and Alice, smiles and sits down in the space in the booth I had vacated just five minutes before. Why the hell is she...oh, fuck, no. Bella is the roommate. And Alice hates her.

* * *

A/N: So, thoughts? Anyone want to volunteer to take Bella's place?

And, if y'all don't mind, I need some tattoo ideas for our dear Edward. What's the sexiest tattoo you've ever seen? You can even tweet me links if you want, at morethanmyself

Holy shit y'all, I was blown away by the number of favorites and alerts I got for Ch. 1, plus all the reviews! I love the hell out of every one of you! As always, thank you, Dear Reader, for taking the time to read my story.

I'm pimping this story like a ho, so look for teasers on the Fictionators blog and the Pictease blog every Monday. I'm also sending separate teasers to reviewers. That's a not-so-subtle hint :)

**Nitareality** is the Master-beta of my Universe and I love her with all my heart...well, except that whole other part I use to love **Sammielynnsmom** for pre-reading. Everyone should be reading their stories: **Bloody Choices** by Nitareality (net/s/5914465/1/Bloody_Choices) and **Blind Intentions** by Sammielynnsmom (net/s/6338168/1/Blind_Intentions).

Next Wednesday we'll hear from Bella! I still own nothing ~Kimberly


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm impatient, so I'm posting early. Happy Tuesday :) Also, the story summary has been updated to reflect the lack of cowboys in the story, sorry for the confusion, lol.

Riding the Fence

Ch. 3

BPOV

I slide into the booth opposite from Alice and Jasper, still shaking my head with laughter from my conversation with Edward. I shouldn't laugh, I know that. But really, how fucking cocky can one asshat be? He almost had me, I was about two seconds away from giving in and fucking him right there. And then he got that triumphant glint in his eye, and I just lost it. I am no one's prey. Now, to explain that to my poor nipples and girly bits, which are all sharply throbbing their anger at me.

Jasper looks at me curiously, but I just wave him off, looking around for the waitress. I need a damned drink.

"Hey, guys, how's it going?" I ask while making eye contact with the waitress, letting her know I'm ready to order. I'm forcing a calm facade, because I refuse to allow Edward's unexpected presence to once again fuck with my head.

Alice sneered, "Nice of you to join us, Bella."

I'm not _even_ in the mood for her shit tonight. If it wasn't for Jasper, I would have told her to go fuck herself a long time ago. But, he loves her. I'm not about to lose him as a friend, just because his girlfriend is an intolerant super-bitch.

I smirk at her, and then turn to Jasper. I don't even have time to get a word out, before I catch sight of Edward striding determinedly across the bar, right towards our table. Who the fuck follows around someone who has turned them down? He sits down next to me, like he belongs there, refusing to meet my glare.

"Dude, seriously? What the fuck? I said no, why are you here?" I'm not interested in a stalker, I figure the earlier I nip this in the bud, the less likely it is he will start collecting my stray hairs to use for pillow stuffing. Knowing that he is insane is helping, if only marginally, with the self-control problem I have around him. Although, maybe I _should_ be more disturbed by the fact that bonafide insanity isn't quite the turn off that I would imagine it to be.

I'm still staring at him, waiting for him to answer, when I realize that Alice and Jasper are both looking at me like _I_ am the crazy at the table.

Alice is the first to speak. "Do you two know each other?"

We answer her simultaneously: me with a definitive "No!" and him with a resolute "Yes!".

I turn to glare at him again, "Giving me your phone number, unsolicited and then stalking me at a bar, doesn't mean I know you. And you still haven't told me why you're sitting next to me."

On the outside, I'm definitely glaring at him and giving every back-the-fuck-off signal that I know. On the inside? On the inside, I'm ripping off his damned short-sleeved, plaid button up shirt and running my nails down his presumably perfectly muscled back. I almost hear the plink-plink-plink of the buttons hitting the table and floor. I can feel the cold metal of his nipple piercing as I run my tongue around it and flick his nipple back and forth. Speaking of licking- his tattoos are much more visible tonight, than the last time I saw him. From surreptitious glances I see that the one one his right arm is the black outline of flames, with light red shading climbing up his forearm from his wrist to the crook of his elbow. I feel damn near bereft when I realize the left one is too far away to see clearly.

He just laughs at me before speaking to Alice, "Yes, Alice, we've met. The night of the family dinner, actually."

Jasper, who has been sitting quietly, a look of intense concentration on his face, suddenly starts snickering under his breath, quickly progressing to outright guffaws. I can feel my cheeks flushing with anger. I'm missing something, and no one is filling in the goddamn blanks. Between my body's fucking traitorous reaction at being so close to Edward, and my general confusion, I've had all I can take.

My palm slaps the table, their eyes immediately snap to me. "Okay, what the fuck is going on? Who is this douche, and why do you know Alice?"

Jasper tries to speak through his laughter, but it just comes out as a series of snorts as he waves his hand in front of his face, tears streaming down his face and gasping for breath.

Alice is rolling her eyes at her idiot boyfriend, before she looks at me smugly. "This, Bella Swan, is my cousin, Edward Cullen."

I stare at her in shock for a minute, praying to baby Jesus that this is some kind of joke, and not a fucked up version of six degrees of separation. Pretty Boy, who I have jilled off to every night since I saw him a week ago, cannot be related to Satan's Mistress. Oh fuck. I've masturbated to a relative of Alice's. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. I mean shit, yes, I fuck women and lots of them, but even _I_ have standards.

The waitress chooses that moment of awkward silence, save Jasper's barely contained giggling, to show up. I order four shots of tequila, and offer her an extra $20 if she can have them back to me in the next ninety seconds. I figure that's about how long I have before I commit homicide.

By this point, even Alice is looking at Jasper like he's lost his fucking mind. And while I'm glad I'm no longer the crazy in the group, I really can't see what's so funny. The look of confusion on my face sends him into a new round of laughter.

And then it hits me. He fucking knows that Edward is Pretty Boy. Last week after I got off work, I went home and vented to my roommate about the hot as hell man that I almost dragged into Emmett's office and fucked six ways to Sunday.

Jasper must see that I know what the fuck he finds so hilarious. He must also see that I am not amused in the least, because he sits up straighter and makes something of an attempt to regain his composure. However, he's doing a shit job of it, and several stray snorts escape. The waitress comes rushing back over at that moment, lining up my drinks in front of me. I hand over her well earned tip without ever taking my eyes off Jasper.

Reaching in front of me, I grab the first shot and look him dead in the eye. "If you say," down goes shot one, "one motherfucking word," down goes shot two, "I will remove your dick with a rusty spork," shot three, "and force feed it to you," shot four.

Without another word, I stand up on my suddenly and increasingly shaky legs, stumble out of the bar, and catch a cab home.

The next morning I wake up extra early so that I can be out of the apartment before I have to face Jasper. I call my best friend, Angela, waking her up, and beg her to meet me for an emergency breakfast meeting. A two block walk later, I'm pulling open the door to the diner. Immediately, I take a deep breath as I'm enveloped in the scent of fried, sugary, syrupy, goodness. It's what I imagine a mother's hug feels like, well unless your mother is like mine, and a roadie for a Village People tribute band.

When she left me and my dad, Charlie, she told him she'd fallen in love with a baseball player and was going to follow him on the road. We thought she meant an actual baseball player. I think Charlie was more disappointed to find out that he wasn't gaining free season tickets, than he was about losing his wife.

I order black coffee and wait for Angela. She and I have been best friends since Middle School, when her family moved to Forks. She's loyal to the point of violence, and the kind of friend that will help you move a body without asking questions. She's the first person I told that I like both boys and girls. We were fifteen and in retrospect, telling her right after 'experimenting' by kissing each other probably wasn't the best time to reveal those particular feelings. But, being Angela, she was completely supportive- well, after a mildly uncomfortable discussion where I explained that I wasn't secretly in love with her. We both agreed that the kiss was awkward, her because I didn't have the proper equipment, me because it felt like kissing my sister.

When she shows up twenty minutes later, I'm feeling much more alive, and ready to talk to her. She's already filled in on my initial meeting with Edward. She got the XXX version of the story after my verbal-filter-less rant to Jasper. Fortunately, his version was the PG-13 version. Unfortunately, it included the phrase, "I swear to god my vagina cried in some sort of religious ecstasy just thinking about him touching me." That was the point that he left the room, I also think that might be why he was laughing at me last night.

She drops heavily into the chair across from me, flinging her purse in the seat beside her, and manages to convey to the waitress that she needs coffee using only a series of grunts and hand gestures. I open my mouth to speak to her, but one look at the hellfire burning in her uncaffeinated eyes makes me promptly close it again and look away in fear.

Minutes later, she is properly stimulated. This time when she looks at me I can see that reason has been restored to her eyes, and my reasonably sane friend has returned.

"So, B, I couldn't understand exactly what you said on the phone this morning, but I think you used some words. You'll need to repeat and expand, please," she says, looking over the rim of her coffee mug at me.

I recount being basically pinned to the wall by Pretty Boy at the entrance of the bar, then turning him down, and then finding out he's Alice's cousin. By the time I finish, she's had three cups of coffee, and is now firing on all cylinders- which is exactly how I'm going to need her for this conversation.

"So, you told him 'no'? Just like that?" She sounds genuinely surprised. I can't even be offended, because it's really just proof how well she knows me, and what a big deal it is for me to pass up a hot body. At the reminder of refusing to fuck him, my nipples throb sharply in reprimand. Now my body is not only rebelling, it's also trying to punish me.

It may or may not be true that I've never turned down a date with a reasonably attractive person. Well, shit that makes me sound like a gold digger. Okay, it may or may not be true that I've never turned down sex with a...wait, shit, now I sound like a whore. Oh, fuck it. I'm apparently a gold digging whore who never turns down free food, or a good fuck. Good to know- self-awareness is important.

"I just, I don't know, Ang. I feel insane when I'm within a ten foot radius of the man."

She quirks her eyebrow at me and snickers.

"Okay, fine. I feel _more_ insane whenever I'm around him. I can't date him." I roll my eyes and then look back to her, hoping she'll have come through with some sort of fuck-awesome plan.

Instead I find her looking at me like I'm a moron. "So, don't date him. Just fuck him and move on with your life. I'm not calling you a whore, you know I love you, but it's not like you're so opposed to a fuck and duck."

I shake my head, "I'm not just fucking him, Ang, I won't give him the satisfaction. He's cocky and arrogant. I hate boys who think they can have any girl just because they happen to have gorgeous green eyes and fucking biteable ass cheeks."

"Let me ask you this. If he were a hot chick, what would you say?"

I roll my eyes at her. "If Pretty Boy were Pretty Girl? I'd say 'your place or mine?'"

"Exactly!" she shouts like she's just discovered how to bottle an orgasm and sell it.

"I'm not following, Ang. I've already said that I won't fuck him because he's a smug boy, the logical conclusion of that would be that if he were a girl, I'd be over there humping her right now. Unless you think I mean that after meeting him I'm becoming celibate."

We both just start laughing at the thought of me not having sex anymore, that's just funny shit. I only need two things to function in life: coffee and non-self-induced orgasms. One I need every day, the other I'm okay with a few times a week. I'm not saying which is which.

"What I'm saying, Bella, is that you need to be proactive about this. Make a decision about how you're going to handle him, and then stick with it. Stop running from the room and letting him freak you out. It's messing with my head to see you this worked up. You never shy away from attraction, especially one this intense."

I sigh and without even thinking say, "It's _never_ been this intense before, Ang. Never!"

Now she looks truly shocked, like mouth hanging open, eyebrows raised to her hairline, frozen in place, shocked. She manages to regain her composure quickly, shaking her head and looking at me like maybe I've been a victim of body snatching.

Then her face transforms into a look of mock pride, and she wipes a fake tear from her eyes. "Aww, our little Bella is growing up!"

I smack her arm from across the table. "Fine, fucking make fun of me. I'm actually freaking out here. I have no idea what the hell to do about this."

"Sorry, sorry!" she exclaims, throwing her hands up in surrender. "Well, then, if you won't fuck him or date him, there's only one other solution I've come up with. Now, I know this is a novel concept for you, but maybe just try to be friends with him."

Obviously this is the part where I look at her like she's out of her damned mind. Last time I checked, you don't fantasize about ripping your friend's clothes off and licking them whenever you're within ten feet of them. Maybe I have the wrong kinds of friends though.

"All I'm saying is that you guys obviously have a connection, there's no law that says you can only explore it if you want to marry him and have two-point-five children."

"Well, connection or not, I think avoiding him as much as possible is the safer approach. I'm pretty sure the only way I'm not giving in and sleeping with him, is if we aren't anywhere near each other. I mean, it's a matter of principle, Ang. The guy's an arrogant jerk who thinks he can have anyone. Well, fuck him, he can't have me." I end my tirade with what I'm pretty sure is a self-satisfied smirk. I should at least look confident, even if I'm feeling anything but.

Ang gives me a look that is clearly doubtful, but she keeps further comment to herself.

* * *

A/N: Edward Cullen can stalk me anytime, j/s. Any bets on how long Bella will be able to avoid him? I'm thinking not long at all...

If you review, the teaser for Ch. 4 might give some clues to that question. I prefer not to think of it as bribery, so much as a very hot reward.

Oh, and I'm still taking tattoo ideas, so please, please send on your favorite tattoo on a guy!

I want to do dirty, inappropriate things to every one of you who have reviewed! I can't even begin to tell you how much I love hearing from you. I was so, so nervous when I posted this story that people were going to be not-nice about Bella's sexuality. I absolutely adore that even those of you who aren't sure how you feel or are a little squicked-out are giving it a chance.

A huge, huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, fav'd, rec'd or even just read RtF! Y'all are amazing :)

Other teasers can be found on Mondays on Fictionators and Pictease blogs. I do different teasers for review replies and each of the blogs, so check them out!

I always want to do dirty and inappropriate things to my beta, **Nitareality** and my pre-reader **Sammielynnsmom**.

Check out the **Baby It's Cold Outside contest** for some winter themed fun! .net/u/2582445/

I still don't own anything. Until next Wednesday ~Kimberly


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Posting early because of the holiday weekend. Before the chapter, I have some Good News and I have some Bad News :)

Good News:

~**There is now a thread on Twilighted for RtF!** Please feel free to come by and say hi :) Anything you want to discuss or questions you have, this is the place! ( twilighted. net/topic/viewforum. php?f=44&t=13319 )

Bad News:

~Because of the holiday weekend, there won't be a chapter next week. But, RtF will be back in 2 weeks, have no fear! I hope everyone in the U.S. has a Happy Thanksgiving and that you all have much to be thankful for this year!

See y'all on the flip side, with a couple of other announcements (I'm a wordy h00r this time, sorry)!

**Riding the Fence**

Ch. 4

EPOV

There is a fine line between stalker and persistent, a line that I am currently walking. It's been a couple of weeks since I've seen Bella. She has avoided me like the plague, making no secret of what she's doing, and I have done everything I can think of to end up alone with her. Unfortunately, she has some sort of fucking sixth sense, and leaves moments before I arrive. Alice seems to think that I'm offended that Bella is avoiding me. It's not me that's offended, it's my dick. The most fucked up part, is that the more she avoids me, the more certain I am than ever that she wants me, too. And fuck if the thought of Bella wanting me isn't the best motivation to keep pursuing her. I'm not a pussy; I'm just on a mission, dammit.

Alice's patience has apparently run out though, because I've been forced to accompany her to Jasper and Bella's apartment. She says that she doesn't give a shit if it makes Bella uncomfortable, I'm her cousin and Bella can get over herself. Personally, I just can't imagine that pissing Bella off is the way into her pants. But, it's not like I can tell Alice that. I'm pretty sure informing her of my plan to fuck Bella if she would just stand still long enough, would earn me a swift kick in the balls. I still haven't heard the whole story there, but it's abundantly clear that there is no love lost between the two of them.

After the night at the bar, when Alice realized I had tried to pursue Bella, she sat me down the next day and gave me the shortened version.

"_So, you gave Bella your phone number?" Alice asked out of nowhere. We were sitting in my living room after she brought by take out and beer._

"_Yeah, she was one of the waitresses at the dinner. You know that dinner you missed?" I goaded her, laughing._

_She stuck her tongue out at me, but her sad eyes contradicted her playfulness. "That's actually part of what I wanted to talk to you about," she said, suddenly serious._

_I just nodded for her to continue, confused as fuck as to what she was talking about._

"_I know you haven't been around since Jasper and I started dating, but he's kind of the reason I avoid family things now. My mom doesn't approve of him and after one too many times of her giving me shit about it, I just don't bring him around. But, if he's not welcome then I'm not either."_

_To say I was shocked as shit would have been an understatement. Aunt Liz didn't like Jasper? I mean, yeah, I'd only met him a couple of times, but he seemed like a nice guy, and he treated Alice well. She must have seen my confusion, because she went on._

"_I can't tell you everything, because it's not my story to tell, but it does relate to why Bella and I don't get along," she paused looking at me to make sure I was listening- like I'd miss this shit. "I know I told you that Bella and I used to be friends. But, the truth is, we were so close I would even go so far as to say she was one of my best friends."_

_Alice sighed before standing up, pacing the room, obviously not happy to be discussing whatever she was about to tell me._

"_We met sophomore year, and Bella was a blast, she always knew where the best parties were, and it was always fun being out with her. She was always so free and open, she was up for anything and everything." She stopped pacing to look at me, her cheeks red in embarrassment I didn't understand, until she spoke again. "And you know how I am, Edward. I've always been so careful about everything, always looking over my shoulder waiting to get caught or get in trouble. For the first time in my life, I was too busy having fun to think about what might happen."_

_It's true, as much as I love Alice, she was always that annoying little voice of reason growing up, the one that understood consequences long before kids are supposed to. I knew how much she hated it, but she never learned to turn it off, or just say 'consequences be damned'. To know that she had finally found a friend who helped her be carefree made me smile involuntarily until I remembered that there was more to the story._

"_So, this is the part that I can't really give you details to, you'll have to talk to Jasper, because he knows more than I do and it's really his place to tell you about it. But, the long of the short of it is, that at the beginning of senior year some shit went down that honestly scared the fuck out of me. It was a wake-up call for me that I couldn't keep doing the things I was doing. I wasn't being carefree, I was being stupid. And once I saw just how fucked up things had gotten, I was ready to walk away from it all, wash my hands and move on. But, then I realized that Jasper needed me, there wasn't anyone else to help him and more importantly, I realized I loved him. Bella didn't have the same wake up call, and hasn't really changed at all."_

_I really wanted to ask questions, I wanted to know exactly what happened. I had noticed a couple of years ago that Alice seemed more closed off, but I just assumed it was part of growing up, and that I was living across the country. It kind of stung to know that she was going through shit and I didn't even know._

"_So, I don't understand, Al, why does you growing up make you not like Bella?"_

"_She's fun, she's the life of the party, but she's not much more than that. She's never going to grow up. I don't want you to get hurt. I saw the way you were looking at her last night. She's not that kind of girl. The way she handled the shit with Jasper, Edward it was mind boggling. He almost _died_! And she still carries on like she's invincible and immortal. Like she didn't have a role in anything."_

"_Why is Jasper still friends with her then? I mean, he still lives with her." I know that Alice feels strongly about this, but it just seems odd to me that if Bella were that bad, that Jasper would continue to associate with her, especially over Alice's obvious wishes._

"_I can't even begin to tell you how many fights Jasper and I have had over her, Edward. He says that it's not her fault that he was stupid, that it was his problem. He's almost too nice. He told me that he's watched too many people walk away from her, and that he refuses to be one of them. I disagree with him, people outgrow things and move on, I've outgrown Bella."_

_I still had so many questions, but mostly I was thinking that nothing Alice had said made me want Bella less. It's not like I was going to marry her. More than anything I just wanted to fuck her, and I wouldn't be opposed to dating her for fun. And if I was honest about it, Alice's assessment of Bella made both of those prospects look even more attractive._

So, now, I'm sitting on the couch in Bella's apartment, on a Friday night. Alice and Jasper have disappeared into his room, supposedly so Alice can help him pick his clothes for tonight. I shake my head and snicker at the thought of being that pussy whipped.

Bella's here, but she hasn't come out of her room yet. After a few minutes of sitting awkwardly on the couch waiting for Jasper and Alice to come back, I get up and start looking at the pictures that line the wall. It's pretty standard fare as far as pictures go- people I don't know, doing things that look like might be fun. I've wandered my way into the kitchen now, and it looks like every other kitchen I've ever seen.

Fuck, what are Jasper and Alice doing? How long does it really take to choose a pair of pants and a shirt? Unless...oh, hell no, if they're fucking I'm going to be pissed. I didn't even want to be here tonight, but to be here and ditched, so my cousin can knock boots with her boyfriend, is pretty low. I lean against the counter, accidentally knocking some papers to the floor.

As I'm picking them up, I notice a small scrap that was sitting on top of the stack has slipped under the edge of the cabinet, and bend over to pick it up. The writing catches my eye because I'd know it anywhere- it's mine. A quick glance at the other side of the paper confirms my suspicions, it's the paper I gave Bella with my phone number on it. The same paper she claimed to have lost.

Without a second thought, I walk towards the room that I assume is hers, hesitating at the door for a second. I think I can faintly hear movement inside, which means she's awake. Then, I hear a light growl that sounds like my name. Maybe she knows I'm standing here? It feels odd to just walk in regardless, so I knock lightly.

"Yeah?" she calls distractedly from inside the room.

I open the door, stepping into the darkened room. She jumps when she realizes I've entered the room, putting her hands on her lap hastily with a guilty look on her face. She quickly recovers though.

"That wasn't a 'come the fuck in', asshat. That was a 'what the hell do you want'," she yells at me.

I hold my hands up in defense, "Sorry, I didn't know. I just found something you'd lost, and wanted to return it to you." I'm trying to hold back my smirk. My eyes have finally adjusted to the dim light and at that moment I actually look at her closely. Her hair is rumpled, her eyes are glassy, her face is lightly flushed, and she's breathing a little quickly. I think back to the way she groaned my name just before I opened the door.

Holy fuck! She was touching herself, thinking of me. My mind spins out of control, I'm bombarded by images of Bella's hand gliding along her wet, pink pussy. Her head thrown back as she moans my name again. I imagine running my own fingers and tongue along her slit, sucking her clit and finger fucking her. Goddamn that's so hot.

Now I'm hard as a rock. If she looks closely, she'll see just how hard, because these jeans don't leave any room to hide.

"Fine, whatever the fuck you have, you can set it on the dresser right there by the door, and then leave. Don't let the door hit you on the way out," she spits out.

I chuckle lightly, "Oh, no, this is something I should return to your _hands_ myself." I cock my eyebrow suggestively, leaving no doubt that she's been caught.

Her eyes widen in shock at the insinuation, just before they narrow. I stride confidently across the room, holding out the piece of paper for her to take. As she raises her hand, I gently grab hold of her wrist, giving her plenty of opportunity to pull back. I'm not going to do anything she doesn't want me to do, and if she tells me to go, I will. But, one look in her eyes tells me that she's not telling me to leave. The heat that burns behind them when I touch her makes my cock twitch. She wants this just as badly as I do. I have no idea why she's been resisting it, but it doesn't look like she's going to anymore. I try to talk my cock down a little, last time we thought victory was imminent, she ended up laughing at us.

I hold her gaze as I sit on the side of the bed, still holding her wrist, and lift her hand to my mouth. Darting my tongue out to lightly graze the length of her index finger, I know immediately that my assessment of the situation was correct. I can taste the evidence on her finger and fuck me, she tastes like heaven. I don't break eye contact as I pull her finger into my mouth, sucking gently as I stroke and caress it with my tongue. The electricity crackling in the air between us is palpable, punctuated by her low moans.

Scraping her skin with my teeth as I pull her digit from my mouth, I begin to kiss down her palm to her wrist, nipping and sucking at her pulse point. Her skin tastes fucking amazing, even here where she's untouched by her delicious juices. I feel her bury her hands in my hair, tugging me upwards towards her mouth.

She's not going to fucking have to tell me twice. I position my body over hers, and our mouths meet in a blur of tongue and teeth and lips, nipping and sucking and licking. Her lower body is trapped under the covers, held almost immobile beneath her sheets, only able to lift her hips minutely. Despite her constraints, she's pressing up against me rapid-fire as I grind my cock against her heat. The noises we're making are spurring us on further. There is no longer any pretense of where we're going.

Our mouths continue to move together, as my hand wanders under her tank top, finding her bra-less, her nipples hard and ready as I caress and pinch them. Her hips alter their erotic rhythm, only to counterpoint the guttural moans she lets out every time I press her nipple between my thumb and finger.

"Oh, god, Edward. Yes!" Hearing her cry my name in her lusty voice causes me to drive my cock harder against her.

"That's it, kitten, tell me what you want. God, I want to fuck you, I want to feel your pussy wet and tight around my cock. Do you have any idea how much I want you?" I groan into her ear. I can't help the grin that takes over my face as her moans grow louder at my words.

She moves her hands from my hair, her fingers press rough lines down my back and she reaches the hem of my shirt, tugging upwards to remove it from my body. I remove my hands from under her shirt, and pull back just long enough to allow her to remove mine. It's barely off my body and her hands are on my now-bare skin, nails scratching, fingers kneading, palms sliding. She groans when she finds my nipple piercing, tugging on it deliciously.

"You, are a cocky, arrogant, insufferable, asshole" she growls, sharply pulling on the barbell to emphasize her words. She places her mouth near my ear, "I want your fucking cock buried inside me, it's all I've been able to think about since I met you. I want you to fuck me. Hard!"

Her boldness brings me out of my lust induced stupor, and I remember that we're working towards something much more than dry humping. I kiss-suck-bite along her jaw, trailing down her neck, stopping to suck the hollow of her throat, before moving to nibble along her collarbone. My hands are pushing up her tank top, exposing her stomach to me.

Just as my lips connect with the soft, sweet, warm skin of her torso, her bedroom door slams open. Both my and Bella's heads snap up and over to the commotion. My eyes make contact with a disappointed, disgusted, Alice. Before I can even try to explain to her, she's out of the room. Fuck.

* * *

A/N: Gah, cockblocking Alice! What did you guys think? Think they'll ignore Alice and keep going or is the mood officially ruined and Bella regained her senses? Review for teaser!

~My completed multi-chap, Confessions, was nominated for an Avant Garde Award for Best Completed Fic! Voting is open through 12/4, so please check them out and vote for your favorites (even if it's not Confessions- there are some truly awesome fics nominated!). twilightfb-awards .blogspot .com/

~I have an entry in the Baby It's Cold Outside Contest. Voting will start on 12/1, it's anonymous, so I can't tell you which one is mine, but please read and vote for your favorite! net/u/2582445/

~Oh, oh, oh and- RtF now has a banner and blinkie. Holy shit, y'all the blinkie is effing *HOT*. I sometimes just stare at it and possibly drool a little. Both are linked on my profile, go check them out. The wonderful, talented Ange De l'aube made them for me.

~You, Dear Reader, I love you with an inappropriate ardor! So, so many new alerts, favs and reviews- not to mention the sheer number of people just reading. It makes me want to do dirty things to all of you! Thank you, seriously!

~As always, love and bewbie gropes to **Nitareality** for being a fuckawesome beta and friend and **Sammielynnsmom** for being a fuckawesome pre-reader and friend.

I still own nothing. Sorry for the epic long A/N, I just had so many things to tell you guys about :) See everyone in two weeks! ~Kimberly


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I hope the U.S. readers had a nice Thanksgiving! I missed everyone so I decided to post a couple of days early. See y'all on the flip-side!

12/21/10- Updating for edits. Thank you Kas90 for beta'ing this for me!

Riding the Fence

Ch. 5

BPOV

It's the middle of the night and I'm still livid. I don't know whether to kill Alice or kiss her in gratitude. I almost fucked Edward Cullen. Edward with the smug smirk, and the lickable tattoos, and the arrogant asshole personality, and the swoon worthy abs. Edward, who I had just weeks ago assured Angela would never get the opportunity to fuck me. But that was before he caught me with my hand in the goddamn cookie jar.

At first, I thought I was going crazy, I had been fantasizing about him in all his fuck-hot glory and then he was there. Once I realized that he wasn't a figment of my deliciously dirty imagination, it took everything I had to tell him to fuck off instead of ravaging him...until he touched me. And my damned traitorous body took over, silencing my brain, and we were all over one another. His hands on me felt like nothing I had ever felt before, my whole body seemed to vibrate at his touch, and I thought I was going to shatter any minute. Once I ripped his shirt off, it was over. I swear on all that is holy, I have never seen a more beautiful body in my life. He had various inked bursts of color and black strewn across his torso and down his arms. His chest was firm and cut, the sinuous muscles undulating under his pale skin. He exuded tightly controlled power and grace, edged with danger.

As he held his body over mine, I was finally able to see the tattoo on his left forearm. I think I may have came just from seeing the words tattooed in black script trailing from elbow to wrist. He had the fucking dirtiest lyrics the Beatles ever wrote, tattooed on his arm.

_When I hold you in my arms_

_And I feel my finger on your trigger_

_I know nobody can do me no harm_

I died. I was dead. He could have me any way he wanted, put his finger on my damned trigger, and I wasn't going to stop him.

Until Alice happened and the spell was broken. Edward was up and out of bed, chasing after Alice before I even had the chance to kick him out. I had no idea what that was about, but I was just glad to avoid having to gather every last bit of sense I had and making him leave.

**HHH*RtF*HHH**

The next day, I'm still on edge. I think I may have killed my favorite vibrator trying to get some fucking relief. Even after new batteries, it just makes a sad, slow whining noise, vibrating intermittently, instead of the nice strong, earth-shattering, buzz that had never failed me before. The, uh, 'double stimulators', no longer stimulated, er- moved, at all. I guess letting the motor overheat was bad for it. I actually feel guilty, like I've killed my cat or something. I mean, really, the poor thing didn't deserve the kind of abuse I've heaped upon it in the last twelve hours. Fucking Edward Cullen and his goddamn Adonis perfection. My vibe's demise is all on his shoulders because no amount of coming lessened the faint hum I feel where his hands touched me, or dulled the ache between my legs at the thought of how he felt pressed against me. Bastard owes me sixty fucking dollars.

Jasper and Alice were thankfully at her place, more for their sake than mine- I wasn't quiet in my quest for satiation. Finally, after I've paced the apartment for hours, failed miserably at working on a new chapter of my novel and stared sadly at my dead dildo, I can't take being alone anymore. I decide that what I need was a nice girl to help me fuck his memory out of my head and off my body.

Clad in a short black dress, fishnets and my favorite 'fuck me hard and long' red, leather boots, I'm ready to go. The Wildrose is my usual haunt when looking for a piece of ass; it's nice, too, because it's a fairly close-knit group of regulars with just enough newbies to keep things interesting. My plan is to drink something approximating my weight in tequila and then bring home tonight's conquest.

At least, that's the plan. Unfortunately, God is a fucking comedienne. As I walk into the bar, immediately my eyes zero in on a head of gorgeous long, flaming red curls, milky skin and curves that usually make my hands ache to touch them. Victoria.

Vicki and I have been dancing around each other since she walked into the bar almost four months ago. I hit on her and try to convince her to come back to my apartment, and she eye fucks me and pretends she's going to, only to pull back and laugh at the last minute. Apparently, she doesn't date serial-monogamists, especially when said monogamy only lasts overnight. She has come the closest of anyone I've known in a long time to making me actually consider dating exclusively.

A quick internal debate and I realize that as fuck-hot as Vicki is, I just can't stand anymore games right now. The mind fuckery I've been involved in over the last month is making my head hurt. Something else I can blame on Edward, this disturbing change in my usual behavior. I smile politely at Vicki, before standing at the bar, signaling the bartender, Jane. She looks at me curiously before smirking knowingly when she sees that I am on the other side of the room from Vicki.

"Hey, B, how's it shaking, doll? You and our girl, Vick, already parted ways for the night?" she laughs, obviously assuming that I've been shot down early.

"Nah, I'm just in a fucking mood, I figure I shouldn't subject her to it. Can I get my usual, please, Janie?" I'm not in the mood for idle chatter. I am actually on a mission, one that I need to accomplish rather quickly before I lose my damned mind. Can you go crazy from arousal? Is that possible?

"Sure, doll, coming up." She smiles at me before turning to fix my tequila sunrise.

My elbow is propped up on the bar, my chin resting in my hand while the fingers on my other hand tap restlessly on the polished wood. I take a moment to survey the room, not really seeing any good prospects, which is both exceedingly disheartening and very unusual. Suddenly, I feel a slender arm snake around my waist and a husky voice murmur in my ear, "I'm offended, Bella. You didn't come say hi to me first."

Startled, I turn to find Victoria closer than she's ever been before. And it isn't nearly as incredible as I'd always imagined. A niggling, errant thought crosses my mind, _It's only because you imagined her before you met him_. Unable to contain my shock and utter horror at the very idea that an insignificant boy could change anything about me, my eyes widen and my jaw drops. Fuck. That. Shit. Luckily, I'm able to recover my cool exterior before Vicki notices anything is amiss.

"So, Vick, changed your mind?" I ask her, leaning in to brush her hair behind her ear before resting lightly on her hip. I'm immediately more relaxed once the words are out of my mouth, I know this personality, I've been her for a long time now, _this_ makes sense. Unlike that fucking random message earlier from the crazy part of my brain. I shudder internally.

"Ah, there's the Bella I know and tolerate!" she laughs, running her fingers in random patters over the skin of my overturned arm, resting on the bar. Normally that would be my invitation to start doing some touching of my own, but for reasons I can't even begin to fathom, my arms remain stationary.

We stand there for a moment, and I decide that I'm willing to let her lead this time, obviously my usual tactics have been ineffective. Even though something has shifted and my body isn't reacting to her the way it has previously, the fact remains that she is still a beautiful woman. One that I would actually like to get to know- she's smart and funny and she challenges me without making me lose all reason.

Vicki reaches out to gently turn my chin towards her, looking directly at me before speaking. "I was actually thinking that maybe we could go out some time. You know that I'm not into the whole 'love 'em and leave 'em' thing you usually do, so if we date, no games. Just me and you, some dinner and conversation. I do actually like you, Bella, and I'd really like to know more about you."

I really can't help the slightly cocky grin that takes over my face, but at least I keep my words sincere. "I'd really like that, too, Vick. I promise, no games."

We chat for a little while longer, exchanging phone numbers before we part for the evening with plans to get together next weekend. I'm going home a lot less drunk and a lot more horny than I had planned to be. But I'll take both of those things because my world makes a fuck-ton more sense now than it did just a few hours ago. Vicki is someone I can see myself with long term, and my hormones that seem intent on letting Edward get under my skin can go fuck themselves.

**HHH*RtF*HHH**

I've been working back to back shifts for a couple of days now. Apparently, Newton was out a few weeks ago- the night of the now infamous dinner party- with mono, which he has given to his girlfriend, Jessica...and another waitress, Lauren. I really want to know why the fuck Emmett hires high school kids for the summer. This feels like a goddamned episode of _The Hills_*. Next thing you know, there's going to be a sex tape circulating.

So, by the time I finally have a day off and am able to talk to Angela, I'm completely freaked out about the whole "I almost had sex with Edward" thing and am starting to freak out about the "I have a date with Victoria" thing. Ang, the heartless bitch, forces me to jog it out with her. Five miles later, I'm still confused as fuck, but I'm too tired to care. We each go back to our own apartments to shower and change before meeting back up at the diner. I plan on drowning my sorrows in some French toast.

"Okay, B, are you ready to speak in complete sentences without replacing every other word with 'fuck'? Because, I gotta tell you, "Edward, fuck my fucking life, gah Victoria" is not at all decipherable as any sort of coherent form of communication." Her voice is dripping with sarcasm as she snickers at me.

What is it with my supposed friends laughing at me?

I discretely flip her off before I begin the sad tale of my latest meeting with Edward. "You know that Friday night he was coming over with Alice to pick up Jasper, right? Well, the house had been quiet for awhile, I figured they'd left, and so I was um, 'taking care of business' and I heard a knock on the door- the asshat barged right in! So, I was sitting there, half clothed and mid stroke, staring at the fucking God of Sex himself, trying to get him out as quickly as humanly possible. One thing led to another, and we ended up dryhumpingandmakingout," I rush out the last words, praying futilely that she'll let me just gloss over that part. Of course that's not the case at all.

Angela's face takes on this look that is practically on it's knees and begging to say, "I told you so," but she refrains. Her eyes twinkle with mischief as she says, "I'm sorry, B, I think I had some crazy in my ear, please repeat that last part?"

Bitch.

"You heard me just fine. I said that we made out and dry humped. If it hadn't been for Alice barging into my room- and seriously what the fuck is up with that family's lack of respect for privacy?- we probably would have been naked and fucking in no time."

The waitress stops by the table to get our order, refilling our coffees while she's there. I'm drooling a little dreaming of the sugar induced coma I'm about to be in thanks to a double order of French toast with maple syrup.

"So, Alice interrupted and then what happened?" she asks, giving me an odd look as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

I relate to her how Edward left to catch Alice, my inability to get off, the poor broken vibe that has since been discarded once I realized I couldn't resuscitate it, finally getting to the part about meeting Victoria and agreeing to go on a date with her. Except that for the first time in the history of our friendship, I keep something from her. I refuse to tell her about the errant thought that raced across my mind while talking to Victoria. If I tell her, she'll want to talk about it, and if I talk about it, it will be real. And that thought? Not real. So, fucking not real.

Angela looks at me like she's summing me up, I'm certain she knows I'm holding back, and she's deciding how much to push. I'm silently begging her to let it go- I'm not ready to talk about that, not now. She wordlessly nods at me, turning to her food that the waitress has just sat in front of her while I tuck into my own, and I know without a doubt that she really is fucking awesome.

We both finish eating, pushing our plates away at the same time. I'm feeling much calmer as my body begins to digest the carb overload I just indulged in. It's obvious that Ang is now waiting for me to speak, especially since she's previously told me what she thought about the situation. She doesn't nag, and she doesn't repeat herself...it's one of the many, many things I love about her.

"I know you're dying to say that you told me so, so I'm going to save you the trouble of holding that back and tell you that you were right. Complete avoidance was a bad idea. The very first time I was alone in a room with him, I completely lost control of myself, I was totally incapable of resisting him." I look up to see an odd expression on her face, a mixture of smugness and confusion.

"Well, I'm glad you see the error of your ways." She smirks at me. "But, B, I'm just not sure _why_ you're resisting him. I mean, regardless of how much of a prick he seems to be, you obviously want him. I'm just really not getting your motivation here."

"Ang, it's so far beyond just wanting him that it freaks me the fuck out. The second he's near me, I can't think straight, all I can see is him. He completely overtakes my brain, and I'm incapable of functioning as a normal person. It's just too much, it's overwhelming. I have no idea what it is, why he has this power over me, but I can't give into that. I can't become this mindless, thoughtless person who lives and breathes for another person, much less some guy."

She raises her eyebrow at me and smirks. "You know what your reaction to him reminds me of? When I met Ben."

I shoot her a dirty look, refusing to even acknowledge that statement. This is completely different. Ben is a nice guy and obviously Angela's other half, it was literally love at first sight, they are perfect for each other. Edward is just some guy whose fucking pheromones obviously appeal to my hormones. It's a chemical reaction, plain and simple. He is not my other half, I would know if that were the case. That's not something you miss. But it doesn't really matter, because I know from experience that so called true-love can just as easily fuck you over.

She pouts when she sees that I'm not reacting to her. "You ruin all my fun, I thought that would be worth at least a, "fuck you," but I got nothing! Fine, so what do you plan on doing?"

"Nothing," I say, shrugging my shoulders.

"Nothing? What the hell does that mean?" she asks, looking genuinely lost.

"Yeah, nothing. I'm not doing anything. I'm not avoiding him, I'm not seeking him out. I'm done letting his presence, or lack there of, change anything. The guy has to have some flaw, something that will kill this damn reaction my body has to him. I just need to wait to find out what it is. In the meantime, I'm doing nothing."

"And with Vicki, are you doing nothing with her, too?" she asks, sounding slightly amused by something.

"Oh no, I plan on doing a lot more than nothing with Victoria. I've waited a helluva long time for this date. If I have my way, we'll be doing a lot more than nothing all night long. And who knows, maybe things will go so well with Vicki that Edward Cullen will be nothing more than a strange memory."

Ang just shakes her head at me, laughing. "B, sometimes I don't know whether to shake you or hug you."

* * *

A/N: Anyone else feel like Ang? Personally, I don't know whether to shake Bella for being oblivious or hug her for being so tied up in knots. Next up we hear from Edward again, maybe we'll get some answers about what happened to Jasper. I would love to hear you guys' theories on that!

*I've never seen The Hills. I'm old. I got the sex tape reference from wikipedia. If this isn't an appropriate use of the show, then please substitute whatever shitty teen drama you would like. Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth it was 90210. The original one, with Luke Perry and Shannon Doherty. Except the big scandal there was that Luke Perry looked at least 30 and was posing as a high school student.

~**There is now a thread on Twilighted for RtF!** Please feel free to come by and say hi :) I'm loving reading the thoughts and theories! twilighted. net/topic/viewforum. php?f=44&t=13319

~Credit for Edward's Beatles tattoo goes to **KrisScott**, she put her dirty mind to good use and gave me several suggestions. As soon as she mentioned this one I almost died just thinking about it.

~I have an entry in the Baby It's Cold Outside Contest. Voting goes through 12/14, it's anonymous, so I can't tell you which one is mine, but please read and vote for your favorite! net/u/2582445/

~I really can't think you all enough for reading. The alerts and reviews make my day! Thank you :)

~Thanks to **SammieLynnsMom** for pre-reading and giving this a once over for me. If there are any mistakes, they're mine!

~I still don't own anything! Until next week- Kimberly


	6. Chapter 6

Riding the Fence

Ch. 6

EPOV

Nothing about this night is anything like I had planned, up to, and including, the heated argument I'm currently engaged in with Alice. It had been pretty obvious that Bella was seconds away from kicking me out of her room after Alice barged in. I figured that trying to smooth things over with my cousin was my best bet. Apparently I was wrong.

"I really can't believe you, Edward! Does your dick do all the thinking for you? Is there some sort of sharing arrangement where you alternate decision making? Did you listen to a word I said about her?" The look of disappointment that she wore earlier is still there, and it's killing me, but the self-righteousness in her tone is just pissing me right the fuck off.

"I heard you, Al. But, none of what you said has anything to do with me! I'm sorry she was a shitty friend to you, but so far nothing I've seen of her indicates that she's the horrid person you've made her out to be. Fuck, Jasper _lives_ with her! If he's the one that she supposedly fucked over, shouldn't he at least be angry about it?"

I'm not trying to be a dick to her, but fuck if I'm going to let her run over me like she did when we were kids. I love Alice, she's probably as close to a best friend as I've ever had, but that doesn't mean she can badger me into giving in, or dictate my opinion.

She looks like I slapped her. I don't think I've ever stood up to her like this before, but she's not the only one who's different. She clears her throat, her narrowed eyes flash white-hot anger, her lips tightly pursed. "You don't have a fucking clue what you're talking about, Edward. You weren't here. You have _no_ idea what's been going on here while you were on the other side of the country. I'm going to go before I say something I will regret. Maybe you should consider why you're fighting so hard over a piece of ass."

With that, she calls out to Jasper that she'll call him later, and quietly closes the door on her way out. I sit on the couch, frustrated as hell. Why won't Alice just tell me what the fuck her problem is, and then we can talk about it? The cloak and dagger bullshit is going to drive me up the wall. Mostly though, the last thing she said is nagging at me- why _am_ I fighting over this girl that I don't even know?

A few minutes later, Jasper comes out from his room and goes to the kitchen, returning with a couple of beers. There's an uncomfortable silence as we sit drinking. Finally, he sits, his bottle down, leans back in the chair he's sitting in, and scrubs his fingers through his hair.

"How much has Ally told you?" he asks reluctantly.

"Not much. Just that she used to party with you guys, some shit went down, you almost died?" I say questioningly, he just nods his agreement, and I continue. "You and her got together, and then she wasn't friends with Bella anymore. She said it was somehow Bella's fault, but said she couldn't tell me more." I pause, raising my eyebrow at him, "She also said that she avoids family stuff, because my Aunt doesn't approve of you."

He groans, sounding as frustrated as I feel. "I've never tried to make her choose, Edward. You know how stubborn she is, once she makes up her mind, nothing can change it. I love Alice, she's it for me, man. And it kills me that I'm the reason she avoids family get-togethers. I've tried to talk to her about it. I've offered to go with her and just ignore the disapproval. I've tried to get her to go without me, but she refuses."

I have to admit that I appreciate his reassurance, even though I'm still lost as to why my Aunt has a problem with him.

"I just don't get her, Jasper. Alice used to like everyone, growing up, she never met a kid she couldn't find _something_ in common with. I have never seen her react like this to someone. What the fuck happened while I was gone to make her so distrustful?"

"She got burned. Hell, we all got burned. There was a girl, Kate," Jasper pauses, looking towards Bella's door, before lowering his voice to barely a whisper. "She caused a shit ton of trouble for everyone...but if I hadn't been so fucking stupid, none of it would have happened. Alice doesn't see it that way though. Bella introduced us to Kate, and Alice has never forgiven either of them."

"Alice is mad because Bella introduced you guys to someone who ended up causing trouble?" That doesn't make sense, how can Bella be responsible for someone else's behavior?

"Yeah, it's...complicated," Jasper hesitates, obviously on edge talking about this so close to Bella in the other room. He keeps glancing nervously at her door. "Look, I'm going to be honest with you. You seem like a nice guy, and I appreciate that you're willing to give me a chance, especially not knowing everything. But, Bella is complicated, I've known her a long time and she's been through some fucked up shit. Alice blames her for things that weren't her fault. I let a lot of shit happen, that never should have; I won't make the mistake of sitting back and letting it happen again. She hasn't always been this closed-off and abrasive, and I'm to blame for a lot of it. It's none of my business what you two do. She's a grown up, and makes her own decisions, but if you hurt her, you will answer to me. I feel about Bella like you feel about Alice- she's like my sister, and she and I are pretty much the only family either of us has at this point."

I have so many questions, but Jasper's phone starts ringing, effectively cutting me off. He glances down, mouths that it's Alice, while holding up his finger telling me to wait a minute, and he walks to his room. I sit on the couch with my mind reeling, a thousand questions and scenarios run through my head. None of this makes any sense, and I can only guess what the fuck Alice got herself into, and why it seems that all questions lead back to Bella. Even more confusing is that instead of being wary of Bella, I feel illogically protective of her and intrigued.

Jasper comes back in a few minutes later, shoes on, keys in hand. "Hey, I'm heading over to Alice's now. Come on, I'll give you a lift home."

The ride is spent in silence. Jasper doesn't volunteer any more information, and I don't even begin to know where to start with my questions.

**HHH*RtF*HHH**

Several days go by with Alice and I not speaking. It's not that I'm purposefully avoiding her, I am legitimately busy, but I'm also not going out of my way to contact her. It used to work better if I waited for her to come to me. I'm hoping that even though we haven't really fought since we were kids, that this is still the right way to handle her.

When my phone rings the Wednesday following our fight, I grin, seeing her name. "Alley-cat! Calling to beg my forgiveness?" I laugh.

"You wish, Ed-weird!" she laughs back, and just like that I know we're good again. We'll come back to the things we were arguing about, neither of us are giving in or conceding, but next time we'll be able to discuss it more rationally. It's one of the perks of having grown up together, no fight is insurmountable.

"Actually, I was calling to see if you wanted to have dinner with me on Friday? Jasper has some project he's working on, so I immediately thought of you to grace with my presence."

"More like torture, but sure, that sounds good, do you know where you want to meet?"

After discussing the details, and agreeing to meet at some fancy neighborhood place, we hang up. The rest of the week flies by, now that I don't have this argument hanging over my head. Although, I still find myself occasionally distracted, trying to make sense out of the bits and pieces that I know about what happened with Bella, Alice, and Jasper. I'm beginning to think that I may have to actually talk to Bella to get some answers. I can only hope that talking to her works out better for me than trying to sleep with her has so far.

**HHH*RtF*HHH**

I beat Alice to the restaurant, and hang out at the bar waiting for her. I'm taking in my surroundings, when I notice a familiar, stunning figure sitting at a table across from a beautiful red-headed woman. They're laughing and talking animatedly, apparently having a good time. A pang of jealousy flashes through me, I wish that I could make Bella laugh and smile like that; her carefree smile makes her breathtaking. I'm getting read to go say hello to her, when Alice walks in.

I greet her with a quick hug, and a kiss on her cheek, before signaling the waitress that we're ready to be seated. We weave through the crowds, stopping at a table across the room from Bella's. I purposefully choose my seat so that I can surreptitiously watch her. It feels mildly stalkerish, but I'm completely helpless to resist the opportunity. As an added benefit, Alice won't be able to see Bella, and maybe I can avoid another argument with my cousin.

We order our food and talk. I'm half listening to Alice, as she catches me up on family drama and happenings. It occurs to me that now that I'm living closer, I'm going to be expected to be more up-to-date on what's going on with everyone. I should probably pay more attention to what Alice is telling me, but I find that my attention is constantly being diverted to Bella.

Our dinner arrives and the talk dies down, giving Alice time to watch me more closely. My attention is on Bella, the way her head is thrown back in a loud belly laugh, audible even from this far way. I notice the long, graceful line of her neck, her eyes closed and mouth turned up, opened wide as she reacts to whatever her friend has said. The same fleeting stab of jealousy as earlier rushes through me. I would love for her to not only willingly sit at a table with me, but to be at ease enough to allow herself to enjoy it. I don't realize that I've stopped eating, and am openly staring at the table across the room, until Alice smacks my arm to get my attention.

"What the hell, Edward?" she whispers angrily. "You've spent half the meal staring over my shoulder. What is so interesting back there?" She moves like she's going to turn around, and I panic.

"Nothing, Alice!" I yell, a little too loudly, grasping her arm to halt her motion. My yell causes the tables near us to turn and stare. "I, um, I thought I saw someone from High School! I was wrong though, um, not them. Sorry."

She looks at me like I might be certifiably insane. Which at this point, I feel like maybe I am. Luckily though, she's still walking on eggshells around me from our fight earlier in the week, and isn't willing to push it. I feel horrible manipulating her like this, but the last thing I need is for her to go off on me for once again ignoring her in favor of stalking Bella.

Our meal winds down in slightly awkward conversation, where Alice continues to talk at me and I continue to pretend to care about my fifth cousin twice removed who is having his gallbladder out next Friday. My eyes are still trained on the brunette beauty across the room. She is no longer laughing loudly, the look on her face has softened. If I didn't know better, I would say that she looked like she was coming onto her dinner companion.

That thought immediately brings about images of both women naked and wrapped around each other on my bed, while I sit off to the side, watching. Alice clears her throat, and I realize that my eyes have glazed over, and my mouth is hanging open. Right, getting hard at the table with my cousin is fucking creepy. I'm not Tanya. The memory of her talons gripping my arm kills any trace of lust left in my system. She's useful for something, after all.

Just as the waitress brings over the check, I look over to take another look at Bella. The sight that greets my eyes causes them to go wide as saucers, and I freeze in place. She is kissing the red-head. And not European cheek-kisses. No, this kiss is European alright, more specifically French. There's tongue. And I am dead. Fuck not getting hard at the table with a family member, Alice is lucky I don't just whip it out and start jerking off right here. This is every man's fantasy come to life. I didn't know that Bella was gay.

That thought cuts through the lust-induced fog in my brain, and I actually stop to consider it for a minute. I _didn't_ know that Bella was gay. Without meaning to, I voice the next thought. "What the fuck?"

Alice looks up from her purse, where she had been digging around. She looks at my face and follows my line of sight behind her, right to Bella, who somehow feels eyes on her, and stops kissing her _friend_ at just that moment. She meets my eyes across the room, shock evident on her face.

I stride across the room, barely hearing Alice's yell of "Edward, wait! Oh, shit." I'm done waiting. I want answers. Now.

* * *

A/N: Poor Edward, that had to be a shock! I know it wasn't a lot, but what did you guys think about the stuff we _did_ learn about Bella, Jasper, and Alice?

~I can't even begin to tell you all how much I love that y'all are digging this story! Just the fact that you guys read is amazing, but the reviews, alerts, and favorites just blow me away! Y'all are wonderful, truly. Thank you :)

~**There is now a thread on Twilighted for RtF!** Please feel free to come by and say hi :) I'm loving reading the thoughts and theories! twilighted. net/topic/viewforum. php?f=44&t=13319

~I have an entry in the Baby It's Cold Outside Contest. Voting goes through today 12/14, it's anonymous, so I can't tell you which one is mine, but please read and vote for your favorite! net/u/2582445/

~Thank you, as always, to **Nitareality** and **Sammielynnsmom**! You guys are awesome :)

~I still don't own anything.

Until next week ~Kimberly


	7. Chapter 7

Riding the Fence

Ch. 7

BPOV

The date with Victoria is going amazingly well, I truly can't believe how well we get along and the things we have in common. She is funny and engaging, I have spent most of dinner laughing. I don't think I've had this much fun on a date in years. Except for the occasional prickly feeling on the back of my neck, making me feel self conscious, like someone is staring at me, my attention never wanders from Vicki.

After our dinner is cleared away, we sit sipping our drinks, continuing to talk and laugh. Her cheeks are flushed pink and her eyes are bright, we're both more than just a little tipsy. She is absolutely gorgeous, and the alcohol coursing through my veins gives me the courage to reach up and caress her cheek with the back of my fingers. She leans into me, the heat of her skin warming my cool hands. Our eyes lock, and I can feel the air between us thicken, but I've taken her warning about not playing games seriously, and we've had such a good time, I don't want to ruin it by pushing her. So it takes me completely by surprise when she leans forward, pressing her warm, luscious lips against mine. I only hesitate a moment before I return the kiss.

My lips are moving slowly, sensually against Victoria's, her tongue gently probing my mouth. She moves closer to me until she's more in my lap than she is in her chair. If her hair didn't feel so fucking good wrapped up in my fingers, and her mouth taste so damned sweet, I might care that this is slightly beyond the bounds of polite society. But fuck polite society. This kiss is hot. As far as my body was concerned, all systems are go. Her soft moan causes me to rub my thighs together, desperate for some kind of friction. I want nothing more than to move my hand down her shoulders, along the curve of her breasts, pressing my hands against them, feeling her nipples pebble against my thumbs, feeling the warm, heavy weight against my palms. My mouth waters at the thought of licking and sucking her flesh.

I'm just about to pull away to ask Victoria if she was still opposed to coming home with me, when I hear the last voice I expect practically shout across the room. I'm frozen momentarily as an image of Edward flashes in my mind, and my stomach twists guiltily. I look up just in time to see him stalking across the room, his eyes flashing dangerously and his nostrils flaring. He's pissed.

I pull back from Vicki and straighten my back. If he wants a fight, he can fucking bring it. Because I have nothing to feel guilty over, and he doesn't have the right to be pissed.

"What the fuck, Bella? You just chose to keep the fact that you're gay a secret? So what, the other day was just some sort of game to you? Fuck with the straight guy's head for kicks?" He finally pauses his tirade long enough to let me speak.

"If you would shut the fuck up for two seconds and _ask_ instead of screaming at me in a restaurant full of people like I _owe_ you a goddamned thing, you might have learned that I'm not gay. However, you are an asshole _and_ you are interrupting my _date_!"

I can see his mind trying to make sense of the assumed contradiction of my words. His brows are furrowed, eyes narrowed. On the inside, I'm jumping up and down at having the upper hand for once, for being the one in control of the situation.

The gentle clearing of a throat brings my attention away from the pucker of Edward's brow to Victoria. One perfectly sculpted eyebrow is raised in quiet challenge as she takes in the scene Edward has caused. My attention now diverted, I realize that the whole restaurant is staring at us curiously. The waitress chooses that moment to bring the check by, turning towards Edward. I see a blush spread across her cheeks, and she gets a hungry, desperate look in her eyes as she eye fucks him awkwardly without speaking.

I should be sympathetic to the power he has to completely empty a female mind of coherent thought, I mean, fuck that was me when I met him. But an uncomfortable heat flashes across my chest as I watch her eyes roam his face and down his torso. I feel my hands clench, my nails digging into my palms with the effort it takes to keep them by my side. I want to wrap my hand around her overly processed bleach-blonde ponytail and yank her backwards, pulling her away from him before I rip off her hooker-red Lee Press Ons one by one and stab her eyes out with them. My reaction makes absolutely no sense to me, but before I can even begin to process these feelings, he suddenly turns to the walking STD, giving her a withering look that even makes _me_ grimace.

"What?" he snaps, jaw clenched.

His tone breaks her out of her lustful stare, and I watch as the mask of professional control is fixed firmly in place. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You're causing a scene and disturbing the other patrons."

Edward looks at me expectantly, like he's waiting for me to save his arrogant, self-important ass. An unattractive snort escapes me when I realize that he's seriously asking me to vouch for him to the waitress. Then, just because this situation needs some obnoxious pixie dust sprinkled in, Alice shows up. And she promptly confuses the fuck out of me by not saying anything bitchy and snide.

She looks at Victoria and I apologetically, not speaking at all before she wraps her fingers around Edward's forearm and starts tugging him towards the door. "This is not the time for this, Edward. People are staring, let's just go. Please?"

One look at her pleading eyes and Edward's whole demeanor softens. I can see the moment the realization of the scene he's caused hits him. His eyes widen as he takes in the uncomfortable stares of the other customers and then his gaze turns to Victoria and me. He has the decency to look contrite as he mumbles, "I'm sorry, I...I don't know what I was thinking."

Alice pulls him out of the restaurant without further incident, and I turn my attention back to Victoria. My stomach is churning with nerves, and I'm still feeling vaguely guilty, which does nothing to quell my anger. Taking in Vicky's expression, I let out a resigned sigh when I see that her guard is back up and she's eyeing me warily.

I have no idea what to say to her, and apparently she feels the same way, because neither of us speaks as we finish settling the check and gather our things to leave. The easy laughter and teasing that we've had all night is gone, replaced with an uncomfortable, heavy silence. We stand awkwardly on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant since we've met here and parked in opposite directions. I know this is the end of the night, any hope I had of taking her home with me has been completely obliterated with Edward's douchebaggary.

"I'm sorry, Vick, I have no idea what that was. Edward is just a cousin of Jasper's girlfriend, Alice. I'm not sure how who I date is his business at all." I have no idea how to handle this situation, I don't have a clue what Victoria is thinking or if Edward just fucked up my chance at a second date.

Vicky lets out her own resigned sigh before looking at me sincerely. "I've had a really good time, Bella. I know that wasn't your fault." She pauses, obviously debating on her next words.

"But?" I prompt her.

"But...I don't think this is going to work. I just think that we're looking for different things. I like you, Bella, I could see myself falling for you. But I'm looking for someone who could fall for me, too," she almost whispers the last sentence, but it stings, nonetheless.

"Vick, I think I could fall for you, too. That's why I agreed to go on this date and agreed to keep it completely innocent, I like you a lot." I hate feeling vulnerable, I hate this fucking touchy-feely stuff. I hate handing that power over to someone else by sharing my emotions and inner thoughts. But I'm more scared of her walking away, and what that means if I can't make this work, than I am of her trying to use my feelings against me.

She reaches her hand out to gently cup my cheek, smiling gently at me. "Do you know why I finally asked you out, Bella?"

I shake my head because I have no idea what finally changed her mind.

"Something changed about a month ago. I thought maybe you had grown up a little, that you were looking for something more serious. The last few weeks we would flirt, but you actually listened when I talked instead of constantly trying to fuck me. You weren't trolling the bar looking for conquests. I was completely intrigued and enthralled, you are an amazing woman, Bella. You are captivating and interesting when you stop playing games and just be yourself."

She smiles wryly at me before continuing, "I thought that maybe I had something to do with the change I saw. I thought that maybe you finally saw _me_ and were as enamoured with me as I am with you. But it wasn't me, Bella. I know, without a doubt, that I'm not the one that's got you tied up in knots."

I'm completely confused by her words, I have no idea who the fuck she's talking about. She's the only one I've been pursuing lately. And, as far as being tied up in knots, the fact that she _doesn't_ make me feel that way is a good thing. One of the things I like most about Victoria is that she can hold my attention without overwhelming me. I can keep my head and think clearly, I don't lose myself when she walks in the room. Being with someone who makes it hard to breathe is a recipe for disaster and heartbreak. I've had that before and confused it with love- I won't ever make that mistake again. An image of long blond hair and hazel eyes flashes through my mind, and I force it the hell away, defiantly ignoring the old ache of that particular memory.

"I don't know what to say, Vicky. I'm still the same person I've always been, I don't think I've changed that much." I smirk at her, trying to lighten the somber atmosphere. "And for the record, I still very much want to fuck you."

Victoria laughs at that, giving me a look that's equal parts humour and exasperation. Then her expression turns serious again, her eyes looking sad and resigned. She leans in and presses her lips against mine but doesn't give me a chance to return the kiss before she pulls away.

"Goodbye, Bella."

I'm left standing on the sidewalk, watching her walk away. I'm mildly stunned but not heartbroken. I can't help the feeling that something in my world has just shifted, that this ending before it began is a symbol of some fundamental change. That thought scares the hell out of me.

I slowly make my way to my car, this whole night has been crazy as fuck. I went from agreeing to play it cool, to making out in public, to being accosted and berated by the world's biggest douche, and finally, to being spoken to in some sort of riddle whose solutions all led me back to the same place: me alone and past my prime, surrounded by eleventy-billion cats.

I arrive home to a silent, dark apartment. Obviously, Jasper is staying at Alice's house tonight. I quickly shower and change, needing to be encased in flannel, and ignore the unhealthiness of the pint of Cherry Chocolate Ice Cream residing in my lap.

I've just wrapped my lips around the bowl of the spoon when there's a loud knock on the front door. I'm so startled I almost choke on the bite of ice cream, only just saving it from the floor by clamping my lips together painfully as a cough tickles relentlessly at the back of my throat. The impatient fuck at the door knocks again. Finally, getting my throat cleared, I stalk to the door and look out the peephole, our building is secured, but you can never been too sure.

The very last person I expect is standing there, his hands in his pockets, looking defeated and unsure, the complete opposite of the usual cocky and arrogant prick that I'm used to. Seeing him like this causes the knife of guilt to twist in my stomach again. The reminder of guilt that I don't understand, and his look of apology long after he fucked up, causes my anger to flare. I totally mean to walk away from the door, I mean to ignore him and just take my ass to bed. Unfortunately, my arms and legs suddenly remember the heady feeling of freedom when they ignore my brain and just do whatever the fuck that they want, which, apparently, right now includes opening the fucking front door.

"What the fuck do you want, Edward?"

* * *

A/N: What a night for poor Bella- a hot kiss and then dumped! But, at least she and Edward are in the same room now, right?

I know everyone is anxious to know what's up with Bella and Alice and what the hell happened to Jasper. I promise I'm giving out as many details as I can as quickly as possible, I'm not looking to torture everyone, lol. Next chapter brings some very direct answers, I swear!

~Y'all rock my socks off! So many new favs, alerts and reviews- thank you, so much!

~**RtF has a Twilighted thread:** http:/www(dot)twilighted(dot)?f=44&t=13319

~**My entry for the Baby It's Cold Outside contest, Gift of the Magi, won 2nd Place Judge's Vote**! If you want to read, it can be found here: net/s/6560665/1/Gift_of_the_Magi. It's a little bit of sweet Christmas angst :)

~**Sammielynnsmom and I are hosting a contest- Pick Your Own Adventure contest**. The prompts for the contest will be chosen by the authors from 5 lists of words: Event, Place, Emotion, Object, and Word. Where are we getting the lists of words? From you! We won't start taking entries until February, but in the meantime we need your help- please fill out the form with a word for each category. You can respond as many times as you like, even if you plan on entering! http:/bit(dot)ly/hlrdL6

~Thank you to **Kas90** for beta'ing, **Sammielynnsmom** and **KrisScot** for pre-reading! This story wouldn't be nearly what it is without you guys :)

~I still don't own anything.

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, I hope Santa brings everyone what they want :) ~Kimberly


	8. Chapter 8

Riding the Fence

Ch. 8

EPOV

Alice and I leave the restaurant in complete silence. Her silence is seething, mine is embarrassed. She had taken a cab to the restaurant with the plan that I would drive her home. I'm half tempted to offer to pay for the cab to take her home instead, knowing that the tentative truce we'd made a few days ago has been shot all to hell.

We're halfway to her apartment before she speaks, her voice quiet, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Edward? What would possess you to make a scene like that?"

My grip on the steering wheel tightens, my knuckles white from the force. "I was caught completely off-guard, Alice! Why would you have kept that bit of information from me? I made a complete idiot of myself, all because you chose not to tell me that I didn't stand a fucking chance. All that talk about not pursuing her because you didn't like her, when you could have just told me not to pursue her because she's a lesbian!"

Alice lets out a humorless laugh. "For someone so smart, Edward, you are acting all kinds of stupid. I walked in on you practically fucking her last week, does that seem like the actions of a hard-core lesbian to you? I know you think you're attractive, but I'm pretty sure even you couldn't turn a gay woman straight!"

"Fucking hell! Would you please stop talking in riddles and for once just tell me what the fuck is going on? If she's not gay then why the hell was she kissing a woman? If you _knew_ she was gay, or what-the-fuck-ever, then _why_ wouldn't you have told me?"

The atmosphere in the car is thick with tension, I glance over to see Alice grinding her teeth in anger, her face illuminated in pulses of light from the passing street lamps. After several tense moments, she turns to me and speaks with barely controlled frustration.

"She's attracted to men _and_ women, Edward. As to why I wouldn't tell you, I'm trying to convince you to stay away from her! I'm not naive enough to believe that if I had said, 'Edward, she's not a good person; she's kind of a whore, and while she prefers to sleep with women, she'll fuck a dude if she's hard-up,' it would have done nothing except make her more attractive to you."

"So, you could have saved me a huge embarrassment in there, except that you decided my dick couldn't handle the information?"

I'm quickly going from embarrassed and frustrated to downright pissed. Alice and the fucking meddling- both by barging in where I don't need her and keeping important things from me- is going to make me crazy.

"Oh, fuck no, Edward! You can't blame your flying off the handle on me! It is not my responsibility to keep your temper in check. I'm sorry you made an ass of yourself- and me by extension, I might add- but that's _all_ on you! I don't like her, I don't want you dating her, I will do whatever I need to to make you see reason." I could see her jaw set in determination.

"What reason, Alice? You haven't given me _any_ fucking reason!" I pull the car into the parking spot in front of her building, glad that I'm no longer having to divide my attention between this fucked up situation and the road. "It's all puzzles and riddles and half fucking truths! You don't tell me _anything_ and just expect me to take your word for it that you know all! I don't know why I'm so goddamn attracted to her, I don't know why I care so much, I don't know anything! Give me a reason, Alice, give me one fucking real reason and I'll drop it." I know I'm lying, I know that if it were a simple matter of just dropping it, I would have done it a month ago when I realized the mine field I was walking in with Alice. But, even though I know I can't control it, I still promise, only caring that she actually tells me.

The look on her face is pure fury, she is completely overcome with anger. "You want reasons? I watched Jasper drowning in a pool of his own vomit after he overdosed on oxy. I watched the EMTs fight to get him breathing. I watched him almost die right in front of me. She _knew_, Edward! She knew he was past the point of recreational use, she knew that it wasn't just blowing off steam on the weekend for him. He was turning into a fucking drug addict, and she kept his dealer close by! She is just as culpable as that _bitch_ who supplied him. Her complacency almost killed him. Is that enough reason for you, Edward? Or would it only count if he had actually died? Exactly how much more do you need to know to just trust me and stay the fuck away from her?"

I stare at her slack-jawed for a few moments. This is beyond insane, I knew that Alice could be self-righteous and single minded, but this is an all new level for her. I'm so stunned, I can't even bring myself to yell, I'm mostly just incredulous.

"So, let me get this right, Ali: _Jasper_ chose to abuse oxy, _Jasper_ chose to have a dealer, _Jasper_ chose to not know what the fuck he was doing, and _Jasper_ almost killed himself, and yet, it's Bella's fault for, what? For not being his mother and making his choices for him? For not taking notes from the 'Alice-book-of-living-other-people's-lives-for-them'? From what I've heard from Jasper, he fully accepts responsibility for his actions, how is you scape-goating Bella helping him?"

She looks close to tears when she whispers, "Fuck you, Edward. Seriously. Fuck. You."

My eyes narrow at her, she's pushing, wanting me to back down, and there's only one reason I can think of that would cause that reaction from her. "You know what I think, Alice? I think that you aren't nearly as angry at Bella as you are at yourself, she's just a convenient excuse. You say she should have known, well then why the fuck didn't you?"

Alice angrily grips the door handle, carelessly throwing it open, she turns to me, her voice filled with more venom than I've ever heard before, "Ask your precious Bella about Kate, Edward. Ask her if it was all worth it."

I roll my eyes. "Ah yes, the infamous Kate. Jasper mentioned her, too."

She sneers, "You still don't know shit. You know absolutely _nothing_. Ask her, Edward, and see if you still feel like she's worth defending."

The loud thud of the door being slammed reverberates around the interior of the car, and I'm left alone in the suddenly-too-still quiet. I look after Alice, watching her walk into her building, she never turns back.

I end up driving around for awhile feeling like complete shit. I was too hard on Alice. She's right, I _don't_ know everything that happened. And really, I guess it wasn't her place to volunteer information about Bella, especially since she doesn't like her and feels compelled to keep me away from her. But, while I feel badly about how I treated Alice, I'm not at all sorry about my opinions. I do think she feels more responsible than she lets on, and I do think that she's too quick to blame other people for her and Jasper's mistakes. Still, I should have been gentler with her. She's never taken criticism easily, I know she felt attacked, and for that, I really am sorry.

All this on top of the utter asshole that I was to Bella. I'm still fucking mortified that I acted like that. I can be impulsive, and I definitely have a temper, but that was just a dick move, plain and simple. I owe her a huge ass apology, and she might owe me a junk punch.

Without meaning to, I find myself parked in front of Jasper and Bella's apartment. I spend a few minutes arguing with myself that she's probably not even home, and even if she is, she probably doesn't want to see me. But, in the end, I know that I need to make this right, even if she tells me to go fuck myself, I have to tell her that I'm sorry. After the night of epic douchbaggery I've perpetrated, I have to tell _someone_ I'm sorry, and since I know for a fact that Alice doesn't want to hear it, Bella is the next option.

I knock hesitantly on her door, not sure what I'll find on the other side. Of course my mind immediately turns back to the fuck-hot red-head that Bella was making out with and the two of them in various stages of undress; images of touching and _licking_ run rampant through my mind. The sharp sounds of metal against ceramic and a strangled choking sound startle me, and without thinking, I knock again.

The door is wrenched open and Bella is standing there, her face red and eyes teary. I am the world's biggest asshole. I made her fucking _cry_!

"What the fuck do you want, Edward?" she asks roughly, her voice thick.

"I...I just wanted to tell you, I'm sorry. I had no right to speak to you like that, or at all, really. I'm, god, I'm the biggest dick. I'm so sorry if you're crying because of me!"

She looks at me like I'm insane for a minute before she steps aside and allows me into her apartment. After closing the door behind her, she crosses her arms in front of herself, looking extremely annoyed now.

"Okay, you have like two seconds to explain- one, why the fuck you think I'm crying, especially over you, and two, what the fuck you're doing at my apartment at eleven-thirty at night."

I'm confused by the first part of her statement. "I, well, you _look_ like you were crying, and after my horrible behavior at the restaurant earlier tonight, I can only imagine how that made you feel. I'm so sorry, Bella. I really am." She looks like she's trying not to laugh at me. What the fuck is with this woman and laughing at me when I'm being serious. I decide to go ahead and answer her second question before she kicks me out. "And I'm here so late because I wanted to apologize. I feel awful and just needed to tell you that I understand if you don't ever want to speak to me again, but I am sorry."

She looks dumbfounded. "You think that your little tantrum in the restaurant made me cry?" she asks.

I nod, suddenly unsure that that coming here was a good idea.

"Wow, you really are an egotistical bastard, aren't you? I wasn't crying. I was startled when you knocked on the door, and I choked on a bit of food." She rolls her eyes, shaking her head slightly.

I groan, "So, you weren't crying? Fuck. I'm an even bigger asshole now, I just...the horrid things I said, I just assumed..." I trailed off, I figure she knows what I said, no reason to rehash that.

She raises her eyebrow. "Trust me, Edward, you aren't the first person to think that you get some say over who I choose to date or sleep with." Her face takes on a pained look and she says lowly, "People more important than you have reacted much worse."

Her admission catches me off guard, but before I can even begin to question her, her expression turns neutral and she clears her throat. "Did you want something to drink?"

I'm completely shocked by her offer, not even two minutes ago I expected her to throw me out of her apartment, now she's inviting me in for a drink. Which suddenly reminds me that she's supposed to be on a date, I'm not really sure how these things work, but I'm kind of surprised after the kiss I witnessed that she's home alone now. But even I have the sense to keep that insight to myself.

"Uh, yeah, actually, that would be great. Whatever you have is fine. Thank you."

She motions towards the couch, indicating I should sit while she walks into the kitchen. I watch her walk away, noting how her perky ass fills out her flannel pajama pants. My hand twitches at the thought of smacking it. As soon as I finish that thought, an image plays across my mind:

_Bella walking into the kitchen, I reach out and playfully smack her ass. She yelps in surprise, turning towards me, holding her fists up while laughing. I grab her around the waste and bring her closer to me while she throws her arms around my neck. Just before our lips meet, she sighs, "I love you, Edward."_

What the fuck was that? I can't even begin to comprehend where that thought came from. I mean, yes, I feel oddly drawn to her, and I'm completely intrigued by her, but ultimately, this is just an intense physical attraction. Right?

She walks back into the room, handing me a cold bottle of Sam Adams. "I hope that's okay, I figured after the night I had, a beer could only help."

She settles into the chair next to the couch, tucking her legs under her ass. She sets her beer on the table, reaching up to pull her loose hair back into a rubber band, her tits jutted out appealingly. Not that I'm staring. I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't be okay with that, but I can't help but sneak a peak.

"So, where's Jasper?" I ask, trying to refocus my attention from her chest.

"I don't know, he wasn't here when I got back. I assumed he was with your cousin." She shrugs.

"I wasn't, you know...interrupting anything by coming here, was I?" I'm completely at a loss for what to say to this girl, my thoughts have never made it past the ways I wanted to make her scream my name. It's odd being in a room with her and actually talking and startling to realize that it's not nearly as awkward as I would have thought.

She laughs derisively. "No, definitely not interrupting anything. This whole night was kind of a bust." Her cheeks are tinged pink, and I notice for the first time that she's not just fuck-hot, she's honestly beautiful.

I look at her questioningly, silently urging her to clarify. She picks up her beer in one hand, tilting it back for a drink while waving me off with her other hand.

"Well, you saw that kiss, Edward, and now I'm here alone, so, yeah, I wouldn't call that a successful date."

The realization that I might have been the cause of her failed date hits me. I'm torn, on the one hand, I'm truly sorry that I caused problems, on the other hand, I feel uncharacteristically and inappropriately, possessive of her. I don't want her screaming anyone's name but mine, even if the woman she was with was gorgeous. Still, I feel the need to apologize again, even if I'm not wholly sorry.

"I'm really sorry if that has anything to do with me, Bella. I don't mean to sound like a, what did you say earlier? 'An egotistical bastard?'" I ramble awkwardly.

"No, it...well, it was what it was. It wasn't going to work out, it's fine." She takes another drink of her beer, her long, graceful neck on display as she tilts her head back. She lowers her head again, looking at me contemplatively.

"Actually, I feel like I owe you an apology, too. I feel a little bad that you were caught off guard like that. I mean, not that how it went down was okay, but I could have said something earlier, I guess," she pauses, looking at me with a strange, slightly confused expression, "I'm not used to explaining myself to people. It's just...not something I _do_."

There's a momentary awkward silence before she continues, "Don't get used to it, Pretty Boy."

I laugh loudly, looking at her horrified. "Pretty Boy? Did you really just call me that?"

She just smirks, shrugging unapologetically.

We talk for a little bit longer, general questions about where we went to school and how I like being back in Seattle. I learn that she's from a small town not far from here, though she doesn't really speak of her family.

"So how'd you meet Jasper?" I ask, trying to subtly shift the conversation towards the things I really want to talk to her about.

"Um, there was a mix-up in the dorms Freshman year, we were stuck in a suite together. We tried to figure out what to do and realized we actually got along fine, so we just went with it. My dad had a fit, but he got over it." She laughs, but there's a sadness in her smile that I don't quite understand. "Jasper's great, he's like the brother I never had."

"So you guys never...you know, hooked up or whatever?" The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I have no idea what would possess me to ask that, I'm not sure I really want to know.

But Bella laughs loudly while scrunching her face up in disgust; it's a very cute look. "Oh my god, Jasper and I? No! That's just...that's gross, it would be like fucking my brother. Just, no."

Okay, maybe I am glad I asked.

"Does it bother you that he's dating Alice? I mean, how does that work since you guys don't get along?" I almost roll my eyes at my own stupidity, what the hell is wrong with me?

She raises one eyebrow at me, obviously wondering the same thing. "She's your cousin, Edward, I'm not going to sit here and bad mouth her to you. No, she and I don't get along, but after what she's done for Jasper, I feel like I owe her, so I try to ignore her."

She abruptly stands up and clears our now-empty bottles from the table before disappearing into the kitchen. I guess that means we're done talking. I desperately want to ask her to clarify exactly what Alice did for Jasper, and does it relate to what Alice said about him, and what I really want to know is who the fuck is Kate?

As I sit on the couch pondering these things, I start yawning and I look at my watch realizing that it's almost one in the morning. This has been a long ass night. I stand up and call to Bella that I should get going.

She walks me to the door, I turn to say goodbye just as she reaches around me to grasp the door handle. Our faces are inches apart and I hear her breath hitch. Fuck, her lips are calling my name, I can feel them already. It would be so easy to lean down and kiss her, but I know without a doubt that we wouldn't stop there. And I want to, god, do I want to, but we really shouldn't. I still need answers from her, still need to figure out what the hell happened between her and Alice.

Reluctantly, I pull back, glancing at her tentatively, trying to gauge her reaction. She looks almost relieved. I makes me feel better that she's not disappointed or upset. I laugh awkwardly, stepping aside to give her room to open the door.

"Well, this was...nice. I'm glad you invited me in and let me apologize. I guess, I'll see you around?" I ask.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure that between Jasper and Alice, we'll see each other. I, um, had a nice time, too. You aren't nearly as much of an ass as I had thought."

I grin cockily, she rolls her eyes. "Good night, Edward."

As I open my car door, I realize that we've managed to get through a fairly pleasant evening without ripping each other's clothes off or screaming at each other. I would even say that Bella and I are on our way to being...friends. If I had to guess where this evening would have ended up, that would have been the very last place I would have thought.

* * *

A/N: And now we have some answers...and probably several more questions, sorry! But, they're talking, and while that's not nearly as much fun as humping like bunnies, it is progress, right? I can't wait to hear y'all's new theories and thoughts, some of you have been amazingly close...I'm not saying who though, lol.

~I am completely in love with all of you, will you all marry me and we can live together in a big, happy, fanfiction family? The number of alerts and favs has been astounding and I can't thank you enough for every single review this story has recieved! You all rock my world!

~A very, very special thank you to **Emily Bowden** for rec'ing RtF in her last chapter of The Betty Chronicles!

~As always, thank you to **Kas90** for beta'ing, **Sammielynnsmom** for keeping me sane and **KrisScott** for pre-reading and helping me find pink elephants :)

~**Sammielynnsmom and I are hosting a contest- Pick Your Own Adventure contest**. The prompts for the contest will be chosen by the authors from 5 lists of words: Event, Place, Emotion, Object, and Word. Where are we getting the lists of words? From you! We won't start taking entries until February, but in the meantime we need your help- please fill out the form with a word for each category. You can respond as many times as you like, even if you plan on entering! http:/bit(dot)ly/hlrdL6

~I'm on twitter (at) **morethanmyself ** -sometimes I throw out teasers as I'm writing :)

~**RtF has a Twilighted thread:** http:/www(dot)twilighted(dot)?f=44&t=13319

I still own nothing! Until next week ~Kimberly


	9. Chapter 9

Riding the Fence

Ch. 9

BPOV

"Come on, Ang, you _have_ to come! You can't leave me alone with Alice and Edward, that's just cruel!" I know, I sound like a whiny bitch, but I don't even care. A few days ago, Jasper informed me that we were doing something as a group tonight, meaning both Alice and Edward were going to be there. What Jasper had failed to mention, until I walked out the door for work this morning, was that said 'group' consisted of just the four of us.

Which brings me to my lunch hour, where I'm spending all sixty minutes, sitting on a hideous red, pleather bench seat in the back of Applebees, trying to convince Angela to come out with me tonight. I need back-up to deal with Alice, and also someone to remind me, while I'm as drunk as I hope to be, exactly why throwing things at her is a bad idea. One time, it was peanuts, another ice chunks from my drink, both times ended with us getting kicked out.

"I thought you and Edward were getting along now? I swear to fucking god, Bella, you change your mind about that boy more often than you change your damned underpants." She rolls her eyes at me. I deserve it.

In the two weeks since he showed up at my apartment, things have been better in a lot of ways, and so much worse in others. On the one hand, he doesn't annoy me nearly as much as he did; he smirks at me a lot less. Less smirking from Edward can only ever help my level of brain function. On the other hand, seeing him as a regular guy...a regular, _nice_ guy, makes it harder to contain the insane lust that hums through my body every time he's within a fifty foot radius of me. The hum makes me want to run away screaming from him; it scares the ever loving fuck out of me.

"We do get along, that's the problem."

She cocks her head to the side and furrows her eyebrows. "Getting along is a problem?"

"Well, yeah. It makes it harder to not throw him down and do dirty things to him."

And then, calculating Angela, who-has-known-me-since-forever-and-says-shit-that-makes-my-head-hurt, appears. I hate that Angela, just so we're clear. "Oh, you mean, it makes it harder not to_ like_ him, maybe even have _feelings_ for him."

I roll my eyes at her. "You know that's not going to happen, Angela."

"And why not, B? You said so yourself, he's a nice guy. You are obviously insanely attracted to him. Why wouldn't it happen?"

"Because he's a _guy_."

"I feel like we're talking in circles. Why wouldn't you date him just because he's a guy?" She has that smug look about her that says she already knows the answer.

"I fuck casually; I don't date casually, and since there's no chance of me falling for him, there's no reason to date him." Angela looks like she's going to interrupt, but she's not the only one in this friendship that can fucking read minds. "_And_ there's no chance of me falling for him, because I don't fall for guys...I can't even imagine it."

She still looks insanely smug. "So, once again, I suggest: don't date him, fuck him. You said the only reason you wouldn't before was because he was an arrogant prick, which has now been proven false. What's stopping you from just fucking him and moving on?"

"I...it's...you know, it would be...awkward...or something," I stumble lamely over my words. I really don't like where this conversation is going.

"Right, awkward or something. That _totally_ has stopped you before," she says knowing that she's backed me into a corner. It's pissing me off.

"Why are you pushing this? It was a simple request to please come tonight, and help keep me from making an ass of myself. If I wanted the third fucking degree and to be pushed to date some guy, I would have called my mother!"

Her expression softens, along with her tone, "I'm not trying to hurt you, you know that. I'm not either of your parents. I just want you to be happy. This guy, he seems different, _you_ seem different about him. You haven't seriously dated anyone in almost three years, not since..."

I stop her abruptly, hissing, "Don't, Angela, don't you fucking dare say her name. _She_ has nothing to do with a goddamned thing."

But stopping Angela from saying her name doesn't stop my mind from assaulting me with images and memories, things that I work hard to keep locked up tight. And it is an assault; my heart takes a direct hit with every remembered, "I love you, I want you, forever." My insides are left raw, broken and bloodied with every ghosted image that floats through my mind- her long blonde hair splayed across the pillow on lazy Sunday afternoons, as I worshiped and adored every inch of her body. The surprised look her face took on every time she came, like it always caught her off guard. The way she held me in her arms, wrapped around me, whispering silken, smooth, lies and bittersweet nothings into my ear. And the final blow that shattered me, shatters me still: hearing with my own ears as she looked me dead in the eye, "Her? Yeah, she knew. It was her idea, she told me where to go and what to bring. It was business...with benefits, nothing more."

Then again, maybe I need to think about them, remind myself that people are liars, and love is nothing more than a tool for them to manipulate you.

Someone who makes it impossible to think, makes it impossible for you to protect yourself. The ones who won't abuse love, the ones like Angela and Jasper, are so rare that I'm fucking lucky I have two of them. Hell, even my parents weren't above it.

I'm fighting back tears as I stand to move out of the booth. "I have to get back to work, I'll call you later."

She nods, whispering sadly, "I love you, you're my best friend, it's my job to say the hard shit. If the situation were reversed, I hope you would do the same."

HHHRtFHHH

Thankfully, work picked up, and I was busy for the rest of my shift, giving me enough mental and emotional distance to pack everything away. By the time I make it home early in the evening, I only feel slightly bruised, not nearly the raw, oozing mess I was earlier.

More importantly, I've been reminded of all the reasons why I can't, and won't, allow any of this...attraction to Edward become more. I can deal with physical attraction, I thrive on it and revel in it. It's pure and true, you can't deny the heat and ache of unadulterated lust. There is no lie in saying, "For this moment in time, in this place, I find you unbearably beautiful and want to drown in you." Even if it's not true hours later, that doesn't mean that it wasn't true at the time.

I haven't spoken to Angela since she left the restaurant. That's probably for the best right now.

After a quick shower, I throw on a pair of jeans and a black tank top before running out the door, only running a few minutes late to meet everyone. I walk into the bar, finding our table right away and slide into the booth next to Edward. Immediately, I feel my skin start to prickle as I feel the heat of his body near me. There's nothing I can do except glare at Jasper, who pointedly ignores me.

The conversation is stilted and awkward, and I'm beginning to wish that I had just stayed home. The only saving grace is that Jasper is buying my beers tonight, and, really, it's the very least he can do. Since he's buying, I make sure his wallet is going to feel it. Passive aggressive? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely.

Several beers, the fifth sneer from Alice, and numerous frustrated sighs from Jasper later, Edward asks me if I want to play pool. At this point, I will do just about anything to get away from the uncomfortable air at the table, well, anything except leave early and miss out on my fill of free beer. I gratefully accept, and we stop by the bar to pick up the balls, then make our way over to the tables.

As he leans over to rack the balls, I find myself drooling slightly over his ass. God, it's so perfect, round and firm. I have to restrain myself from reaching out to just grab it. He stands up suddenly, catching me blatantly ogling him, he smirks knowingly at me. I, of course, fucking blush.

Shaking my head at my own embarrassment, I taunt him. "See if you can keep up, Cullen. Fair warning, I plan on beating your ass!"

"Awfully sure of yourself, aren't you, Bella? Why not make this interesting, then; how about a bet?" For a moment, I find myself dazed by the mischievous look playing in his green eyes, before I clear my throat and move around to the other side of the pool table.

"What did you have in mind? Just make sure you don't offer up something you can't stand to lose." I'm going to play up the 'cocky bitch' routine as long as I can, fake-it-till-you-make-it and all that.

Edward moves fluidly around the table until he is standing right in front of me, my whole body breaking out in goosebumps at his nearness. I can smell his spicy cologne and the distinct scent of boy. I desperately want to run my nose along his jaw and smell him concentrated and untainted by the smoke of the bar.

He leans forward to speak directly into my ear, his warm breath tickling the sensitive skin, and whispers huskily, "Kitten, if you win, you can have _anything_ you want, because I have no intentions of losing."

My brain is so saturated with pure lust that I forget to breathe for a moment. My entire jaw is slack; my mouth hangs open as every available drop of blood and sense rushes down to the aching, slippery space between my legs.

After an eternity, my brain kick-starts my breathing, and I'm practically panting between the oxygen-deprivation and the memory of his words. Edward just steps back from me, a smug smirk on his lips, and a self-satisfied chuckle escaping his chest. His arrogance, once again, snaps me out of my stupor.

I grab the front of his shirt, pulling him back towards me for a little payback. His eyes go wide as I lean into him, mimicking his previous position, speaking lowly into his ear, "Trust me, Pretty Boy, _when_ I win, I know exactly what I want." My tongue reaches out to lightly trace the shell of his ear before I nip at his lobe. His small moan tells me that I've gotten to him, and it's my turn to pull back, self-satisfied smirk firmly in place.

In reality, I have no idea what I'll ask for, but I can guarantee it won't be sexual. There is absolutely no reason for him to know that, though.

He shakes his head lightly and walks away with what looks like an uncomfortable swagger to chalk his cue. I can't stop myself from laughing at his obvious discomfort as he glares at me. _Two can play at that little game, Pretty Boy._

He motions for me to go first. I set my shot up, easily breaking and sinking two balls. "So, you never told me what you want, Edward." I bat my eyelashes at him in faux-innocence while he gives me a look of mild disbelief.

"I think I'll wait until the game is over to tell you. I wouldn't want you to try to find a way to keep from..._satisfying_ me," he says, before turning his eyes to the table looking for his shot.

I see his eyes light up and his grin widen, indicating he's found the perfect one. Someone should tell him not to play cards professionally; his poker-face sucks.

Then it's my turn to stare at the table in disbelief as I watch him sink four balls. Apparently, what he doesn't suck at is pool.

"You aren't the only one with..._hidden talents_," he teases cockily.

Rolling my eyes, I refuse to even reply; I simply circle the table, looking for my next shot. The game goes on like that, back and forth, tit for tat, until he is up one ball with only the eight-ball left, and it's my turn. The suggestive banter has turned downright dirty, and I'm so fucking horny I may spontaneously combust.

Just as I go to take my shot, he stretches his arms over his head, exposing a sliver of skin above the waist of his jeans and the top of his hips. I'm only distracted for a split second, but it's enough to cost me the game. I scratch the fucking cue ball.

I sigh, resigned and annoyed, although, if I'm being completely honest, I'm so turned on that the prospect of Edward collecting his prize isn't completely unpleasant. Edward starts gathering the balls to return to the bar as I place the cues back in the racks along the back wall. The lack of gloating on his part is kind of messing with my head. I fully expected him to rub in my defeat. With a nervous smile that I don't understand, he heads towards the bar while I go to the table to gather my things. Jasper and Alice are nowhere in sight. Edward comes back to the table, looking confused.

"Are you going somewhere, Bella?"

"I thought that you would be eager to collect your prize," I say, looking at him expectantly.

"But I haven't told you what I want." That adorable pucker is back between his eyes, although, now it's because of confusion instead of anger like the other night.

"I think that you made it abundantly clear what you want, Edward. So, let's not stand here and chit-chat about it anymore, my buzz is wearing off." I don't wait for him to respond, making my way towards the door.

He catches up with me outside, while I'm standing on the sidewalk debating the merits of catching a cab for five blocks or walking home drunk. I stumble slightly as he reaches out to touch my shoulder. _Right, so cab it is, _I think, as I move to the end of the block where a couple of cabs sit idling.

"Will you stop for a goddamned minute!" He tugs on my arm, causing me to almost lose my balance before he steadies me on my feet.

"What, Edward? Isn't it enough that you won and I'm not arguing with you about what you want? Now we have to talk about it, too?"

"Jesus Christ, Bella, I don't want to _fuck_ you!" he yells loudly, causing passerby's to stare at him before quickly walking away from the commotion. Well, all except a drunken old man, who stops abruptly next to me, eying me up and down creepily before looking at Edward and slurring, "Well, if you don't want to fuck her..." But the menacing look on Edward's face stops him mid-sentence, and he staggers away down the side walk.

If my stomach wasn't still in my throat, where it lodged upon hearing that Edward does not, in fact, want to fuck me, I might laugh at the absurdity of it all. But I can't, because I can't get over the fact that despite all evidence to the contrary, he doesn't actually want me.

His face softens slightly, as he says, in a much lower voice, "I mean, yes, I want to fuck you, but that's not what I want for winning. I would never use winning a stupid bet to get in your pants. I know you think I'm a douche, but give me some fucking credit!"

I don't even know how to respond to that, my relief at his clarification is almost as uncomfortable as thinking he didn't want me. Because, really, why do I care whether he wants me or not? I'm sure he would be a good fuck, but beyond that, it just shouldn't matter.

So, instead of saying anything remotely relevant, I blurt out the first thing I think of. "Why is the word 'douche' a curse word? I mean, it's a feminine hygiene product, how is it any worse than calling someone a tampon?"

"I...what?" he asks before he starts laughing. The tension of the moment is broken, the absurdity of the last fifteen minutes hits me, and I start laughing with him. Soon there are tears streaming down both of our faces as we stand in front of a bar, giggling like we're very drunk. Which we probably are.

Eventually, we manage to calm down. I'm wiping my face from the laughing fit and ask him offhandedly, "So, what _do_ you want, if it's not sex?"

"Oh, yes, something much less nefarious than sex." He smirks at me. "I just want one date."

I halt all movement, staring at him wide-eyed, horrified. "You want a _what?"_

"A date, Bella- dinner, to be exact. You can even pick the restaurant, though, I would like to pick you up. You know, make it officially date-like." His smile is mischievous, but I can see the nervousness in his eyes. And he should be nervous, I have half a mind to kick him.

I start to object, argue that I'm not dating him, and yell at him for tricking me. But before I can even get the words out, he's looking at me with a raised eyebrow and a challenging look that clearly says, "You were going to fuck me, but you won't go to dinner?"

I groan in frustration. "Fine, fucking _fine_! I'll go on one date. One, Edward! And I am _not_ fucking you afterward!"

His smile is breathtaking and triumphant, but one look at the glower on my face and he quickly reigns in his happiness. "Yes, of course, one date, no fucking. Got it."

I roll my eyes and begin the walk home. This conversation has officially sobered me up enough so that I no longer pose a hazard to myself or random strangers.

I hear him call behind me, "I'll call you about our date, Bella."

I flip him off over my head without turning around and continue walking home...alone...again.

* * *

A/N: A date! They're gonna go on a date! I'm sure that means they'll fall in love immediately and it will be rainbows and puppies...okay, maybe not, lol. So, we got a glimpse of Bella's inner demons, and my, the poor girl has some baggage, huh? Thoughts/theories/anti-depressants?

~How is it possible that I can love you all more every chapter? And all you new readers? I love you, too. Y'all have been blowing up my email inbox with the reviews, alerts and faves. It's insanity, I tell you! I grin like an idiot every time my phone alerts me to a new batch of emails!

~RtF was rec'd /reviewed this week on both **Twi-Fic Promotions** (http:/twi-ficpromotions(dot)blogspot(dot)com) and **Twi-Fic Bitches** (http:/twificbitches(dot)blogspot(dot)com/). Much, much gratitude to both of those blogs and the authors of the reviews for the wonderful things they said about RtF and all the new readers they've sent this way *waves*! Go check them out, they have some fantastic suggestions for your next read :)

~Thank you to **Kas90** and **Nitareality** for beta'ing, and **Sammielynnsmom** and **KrisScott** for pre-reading!

~Sammielynnsmom and I are hosting a contest: **The Pick Your Own Adventure Contest**. Details should be finalized this week, we will be accepting submissions Feb 1st-28th. Keep an eye on the FF page for details: net/~pickyourownadventurecontest

~RtF has a Twilighted thread! http:/www(dot)twilighted(dot)?f=44&t=13319

~I'm on twitter, (at) Morethanmyself

I still don't own anything. Until next week ~Kimberly


	10. Chapter 10

Riding the Fence

Ch. 10

EPOV

I don't think anyone could have been more surprised than me that Bella actually agreed to a date after that bet on Friday. I had fully expected her to tell me to fuck off, but it really didn't even take much convincing for her to give in. Her fairly easy agreement actually makes me hopeful that she's more interested in me than she lets on, although, I do know for a fact that she was checking my ass out that night.

I had called her earlier today before I left for dinner with my parents.

"_I can't believe you're really going to hold me to this stupid bet, Edward," she huffed, her annoyance clear even over the phone._

"_Well, we both know that there's something else you'd rather I hold you to, but yes, I would really like to take you to dinner." I laughed._

_Her angry growl had made my dick hard, it was so fucking hot. "Next Saturday at 7. You're taking me to Lola. If you're even one minute late, you're SOL." And with that, she hung up on me._

God, I couldn't wait for this date.

HHHRtFHHH

Sunday night dinner at my parent's house became a ritual as soon as I came back to Seattle; truthfully, I look forward to it every week. Sitting at the bar in the kitchen, I sneak strips of red bell peppers from the cutting board when my mom's back is turned. Her hand suddenly reaches behind her and she smacks mine away, without ever looking back. I stick my tongue out at her turned back, laughing at the childishness of my actions.

"Edward, how old are you?" she admonishes me playfully before giggling along with me.

"Sorry, Mom, I'm hungry, I didn't eat lunch."

"Well, dinner will be ready in about half an hour, I'm sure you'll survive." She put the lid on the pan before turning around, leaning back against the counter. She ran her fingers through her gray streaked, bronze hair that matched my own, looking at me thoughtfully. I may have had my mom, Esme's, hair, but otherwise, I was the spitting image of my dad, Carlisle, right down to my eyes.

"So, what's this that Aunt Liz says about you and Alice arguing? You haven't been back very long, how can you two be at it already?" she asks, raising her eyebrow in question.

I shake my head in disbelief, for someone who claims to dislike her mother, Alice wasted no time in running to her to tattle on me.

"It's nothing. She didn't like something I said. I've tried to apologize for upsetting her, but she doesn't want to hear it unless I admit that my opinion is wrong." My mom nods her head in understanding, Alice is Alice, there's really nothing to do except wait for her to get over it.

Then something occurs to me, and I have no idea why I never thought of it before. My mother would know what happened with Alice and Jasper.

"Hey, why doesn't Aunt Liz like Jasper?"

She seems momentarily startled before a look of understanding comes over her. "Is that what your fight was about? Jasper?"

"Yeah, sort of." I shrug, trying to avoid talking about the details of our argument. I'm not proud of my behavior that night, I don't really want to tell my mom all the shameful particulars. "Anyway, she hasn't really told me much of what went on with him. I know he almost OD'd, she blames his roommate, and her mom hates him. She's really tight lipped about it."

"It wasn't an easy time for her, I can't imagine that she'd be eager to talk about it. Especially since she looks up to you so much."

I grab another slice of pepper, chewing in what I hope is a nonchalant manner, though I am anything but that. I'm about to get some answers, finally. "So, what happened, then?"

Her brow furrows and she turns around towards the stove, stirring the food and grabs the peppers from the bar tossing them in, too. She's obviously agitated, and now I'm even more concerned, my mom is almost unflappable, she just doesn't fluster easily. She wipes her hands on the dish towel and comes to sit on the bar stool next to me.

"I met Jasper through Alice a couple of times before his...problems, started; I've never met his roommate. He seemed like a good kid, a little wild, but good to Alice. Your aunt never liked him or the roommate, she said they were bad influences on Alice. I'm pretty sure that Liz's real problem was that for the first time in her life, Alice was thinking for herself, doing things that made her happy. She was standing up to her mom and making her own decisions. I _think_ it started out as normal college kid stunts, the parties and...experimenting." She pauses, lost in thought.

"But?" I prompt gently.

"Liz got a call in the middle of the night to come bail Alice out of jail." I'm sure the shock is evident on my face. That was completely unexpected. My mom nods acknowledging my surprise, her face grim as she continues.

"To a point, I can understand her disappointment in Alice and her hesitancy about Jasper. A call from the police in the middle of the night is probably a parent's worst nightmare. Even if your kids are grown, your first thought after hearing that they aren't dead is that you're going to kill them for scaring you like that and for whatever stupid thing landed them in jail.

"There was a party that night at Jasper's apartment, I'm really not clear on most of the details, and I can't say that I'm sorry about that. The sum of it is that Alice found Jasper in the bathroom, someone called 911 and there was evidence of drug use in the apartment, in addition to Jasper's condition, so anyone that was there when the police arrived was taken in so they could sort it out. The charges against Alice were eventually dropped for lack of evidence."

Mom glances at the clock on the stove. I realize that my dad will be home from his evening rounds at the hospital soon.

"But Jasper's clean now, and has been for awhile from what he and Alice have said, why is Aunt Liz still so against them being together?"

My mom sighs, pressing her lips together. "My sister is quick to judge and slow to forgive."

"Sounds like Alice comes by it honestly then," I say offhandedly.

"Mmmm," she acknowledges me without comment.

The rattling of keys in the front door signals my dad's arrival. He walks into the kitchen, kissing my mom hello and greeting me with a friendly pat on the shoulder. Our conversation turns to talk of his shift at the hospital, the drama with Alice set aside.

We soon sit down at the table, plates heaping with food; in addition to my parents company, my mom's cooking is a huge reason to love being home. After my dad's general inquiries into how my business is doing, my mom clears her throat, drawing our attention to her.

"So, Edward, are you seeing anyone?" she asks curiously.

I know that a lot of guys get annoyed by this question, but I know my mom is asking about my life in general, not with some ulterior motive to set me up with a friend's daughter or because of a burning desire for grandchildren. My parents want me happy, and they want to know about my life.

"Um, actually, I have a date on Friday," I say.

"Anyone we know?" Dad asks.

I straighten my back, trying to look confident. I'm actually a little afraid of my mom's opinion based on our discussion earlier. "Yeah, Bella, Jasper's roommate."

Surprise colors Mom's face as she shares a look with Dad that I can't understand. She opens her mouth like she's going to say something, but Dad shakes his head slightly, discouraging her. Instead just smiles at me and says, "Well, I hope you have a nice time."

I feel torn between asking her what she was really going to say and being relieved that they aren't actively discouraging me from dating her, despite her association with the situation that landed my cousin in jail. But my dad solves my dilemma by steering the conversation to some cocktail party he was invited to by a colleague. My date isn't brought up again.

HHHRtFHHH

The workweek went by quickly. I managed to pick up a couple of new clients locally, and one of their websites would be going live soon, so I was too busy to really think about much of anything besides work. But, by the time Saturday rolls around, I start freaking out. I don't think I've been this nervous about a date since high school. But, then again, I haven't really cared about the outcome of a date quite this much.

I made reservations earlier in the week at Lola, the funky, Mediterranean restaurant Bella had chosen; our seating is at 8:00pm. Ordinarily, I would lead into dinner with drinks, but Bella made it perfectly clear that she was unhappy with my forcing her hand. I'm hoping that my respect for her reluctance to be out with me will make her more willing to relax and enjoy herself.

I spend the day finishing up some work to try to take my mind off my nerves. I briefly consider calling Alice, we haven't spoken since last weekend, but considering this evening I'm taking out the source of our disagreement, I think better of it. Alice's opinion certainly hasn't changed, and until I get to know Bella better, I don't foresee the chance that mine will, either.

And I really do want to get to know Bella better. I have never been so intrigued and confused by a woman before, and I sure as fuck have never experienced this kind of explosive attraction before. I have so many questions for her, and the more I get to know her, the fewer of them have anything to do with my cousin, Jasper or the infamous Kate.

Finally, it's time to start getting ready, I jump in the shower and shave before getting dressed. Dark gray dress pants, white button up shirt, rolled sleeves, no tie, and twenty minutes after I started, I'm done. I leave my apartment with plenty of time to spare for the fifteen minute drive to her building. That is, it would have been plenty of time if I didn't hit every damned light and get stuck behind every slow driver between my apartment and Bella's. After I find a parking space three blocks away, I sprint down the street, the wind wreaking havoc on the flowers I'd gotten for her. By the time I knock on her door, I'm sweaty, panting, and the flowers are barely recognizable as more than stems with a couple of petals attached. I'm just about to raise my hand to knock again when the door opens slightly, not allowing me to see into the apartment.

"You're late," her stern voice flows through the crack between the door and the casing.

"I know, I'm sorry! Traffic was a bitch and there were old people and no parking," I rush out, just shy of whining.

She's closing the door, so I put my hand out stopping it's advance. "I have flowers," is my nonsensical offering.

"You're late," she repeats.

I glance at my watch. "Two minutes late, Bella. We still have plenty of time to make our reservations." She can't actually be serious.

There is no reply but the click of the front door, and I look after it dumbstruck. Did she really just do that over two minutes? I lean back against the wall beside her door, banging my head against it. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

I hear snickering to my left and look over to see Bella leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over her chest, laughing at me. I didn't even hear the door open again.

"Those have to the most pathetic excuse for flowers I've ever seen, Edward," she grins cheekily at me, letting me know that she's not angry at all.

I hand them over to her, smirking. She takes the paper wrapped greenery, looking at them closely. "Thanks, let me put them in...water...life support...something. Come on in." She walks back inside, not waiting for me to respond.

Letting out an audible sigh of relief, I hear her laugh again. "You are entirely too easy to fuck with."

I snicker at her choice of words and open my mouth to retort, but she cuts me off. "If the next words out of your mouth are going to include the words 'easy,' and, or 'fucking,' I suggest you reconsider."

This time I laugh loudly because she knew exactly where I was going to go. Bella rolls her eyes and shakes her head at me. We walk into her kitchen as she looks through the cabinet in search of a vase. She performs some voo-doo, slight-of-hand, and the pathetic flowers I handed her are actually nicely arranged. It reminds me of the Charlie Brown Christmas tree, without the singing.

I take a minute to actually take her in, she is as gorgeous as ever. Her dark jeans hug her ass closely, and her dark blue top shows off her delicate shoulders and clings to her breasts, leaving just enough cleavage to send my imagination running wild with thoughts of licking and sucking.

She looks up from the flowers, catching me drooling over her chest; she just raises her eyebrow at me, smirking. I shrug, not at all sorry. I know that she's said there will be no fucking at the end of this date, but I feel no shame in looking, after all, she's a beautiful woman. _And no fucking tonight doesn't mean no fucking ever_, I reassure myself.

"Are you ready to go?" I ask, trying to change my focus from the way her hips are swaying in front of me as she walks to the sink with the flowers to fill them with water.

"Yep, just let me finish with these," she says turning on the tap. After she's done, she sets the vase on the counter, turning to me. "They really are beautiful, Edward, thank you. I was just giving you a hard time earlier."

Then she glances down to my crotch evidently catching the remaining effects of my earlier ogling. "Not that it takes much to give you a 'hard' time, apparently." She laughs and walks towards the front door.

God help me if the whole night is going to be this way, this woman is going to be the death of me.

* * *

A/N: Personally, if Edward showed up at _my_ door with flowers, I wouldn't even be able to pretend to turn him away. Then again, I also wouldn't have cock-blocked myself. Sometimes I wonder about Bella's sanity! What do you guys think?

~Next chapter we will get some definitive answers about Kate and see the rest of E and B's date! Just a warning, things are going to get angsty all up in here. B has some serious demons and she has to face them to have a chance at moving on. My outline puts the story at between 20 and 25 chapters, so there's still a little ways to go! But, I know exactly where we're going and I promise to get us there.

~If you have ever thought to yourself, "What RtF needs is a threesome!" then you're in luck! I am writing an outtake for the **Fandom Against Domestic Violence fundraiser** and it will be an indulgence in smutty goodness. A $10 donation gets you a compilation of pieces from over 100 authors, including the RtF outtake! If you are unable to donate, don't worry, I will post the outtake as soon as I'm allowed. (I feel like an informercial now, "But act fast, this offer won't last long! Operators are standing by!" lol). Details on how to donate can be found here: **fandomagainstdomesticviolence. blogspot. com**

~**Story Recommendation: BRONZE by mothlights** (net/s/6391069/1/) It's a vampire story, which isn't usually my genre of choice, but this is amazing. Everything about this story is subtle and nuanced. Edward is a newborn who has trouble controlling himself, Bella takes him in as a favor to Carlisle. It's short, 22 posted chapters with only 1 remaining.

~Thank you to **Kas90** for beta'ing, and **Sammielynnsmom** and **KrisScott** for pre-reading!

~Sammielynnsmom and I are hosting a contest: **The Pick Your Own Adventure Contest**. We will be accepting submissions Feb 1st-28th. See the FF page for details and the word prompt list: net/~pickyourownadventurecontest

~RtF has a Twilighted thread! twilighted. net/topic/viewforum. php?f=44&t=13319

~I'm on twitter, (at) Morethanmyself

I still don't own anything. I swear I'm shutting up now! Until next week ~Kimberly


	11. Chapter 11

Riding the Fence

Ch. 11

BPOV

_I'm back in the observation room of the Seattle Police Department, looking into one of the interrogation rooms. The overhead florescent bulb is buzzing annoyingly, flickering the light around the tiny room. I'm looking into the reinforced glass of the two way mirror, watching the girl in the other room flick a pen nervously around the table. Through the speakers embedded in the wall above me, I hear the disembodied voice of the officer sitting beside her, asking her to state her full name, date of birth, and address. They go through the perfunctory information, and he begins to ask her questions about that night. I'm listening as she denies her presence, my anger building as she weaves her lies about what actually happened. I'm watching myself, the person I used to be, watching and listening to the events unfold, and I remember clearly what I was thinking: Her story didn't make any sense, but I trusted her, whatever her reasons they were good enough for me._

_I start screaming at the naive girl in front of me, begging her not to stand there, begging her to leave before she hears too much. I pull my arm back to hit her, using every ounce of strength in my body, but my punches have no effect on her. She just stands there, impassive, watching, trying to figure out what's coming next, completely unaware of the betrayal awaiting her...unaware of the coming devastation. _

_I hear a throat beside her clear and look over to see Charlie standing there. His disappointment is etched in his face, his eyes sad and dull as he listens to the girl in the other room answer to a litany of drug related charges that are foreign and horrifying. I remember thinking that they were wrong, that she was incapable of any of those things. She was Sunday mornings and rainy afternoons. She was driving down open roads and singing at the top of our lungs. She was mutual fervent whispers of promises and dreams and forevers. She was sweet kisses and slow sex and love. Most of all, she was love. I remember thinking that we would get the mistakes cleared away and Charlie would understand the rest because she was love._

_The girl's story is becoming less and less understandable, she begins to speak of someone in vague, nameless references. Whoever it is she's speaking of is in a shit-ton of trouble based on the accusations being leveled at her. I watch as the first grimace of doubt flickers across my former-self's face, the first time she realizes that the girl in the other room isn't just denying it, she's spinning a new chain of events, a new reality._

_And then there it is. The officer shows the girl a picture and she nods in recognition. It's a picture of me, and Charlie just hangs his head as the girl looks at the glass, as if she knows we're there. She says clearly, calmly, coolly, "Her? Yeah, she knew. It was her idea, she told me where to go and what to bring. It was business...with benefits, nothing more."_

_There's a strangled sob and the slamming of a door, and I'm left alone with just my broken self, the girl I was gone, evaporated. I could follow Charlie out of the room, but I know the events awaiting me out there. His rejection, the slurs and epithets he hurls, his refusal to listen. His assertions that his daughter would never be what she accused me of, not just her supplier, but her lover. His assurance that if I'm any of those things then I'm not his daughter. I could go out there and deny her lies, but I know that my words don't make him see the difference between my casual, social use and her accusations of selling and distributing. He doesn't see the difference between my heartbroken love and her insistence of casual fucking. In his eyes, I'm wrong for using, and I'm wrong for loving, no matter what I say, I'm wrong._

_The world around me begins to fade into nothingness, dissolving into blackness, and I'm left shaken to the core. Sobs wrack my body, and I need to wake up, but I'm stuck here in the darkness, no light to show me the way. And into the inky black, I scream her name over and over, "Kate!"_

I bolt upright in bed, the covers twisted around my legs, body bathed in sweat, tears streaming down my face and my throat hoarse. The tremors running through my body feel like convulsions as I shake, and sob, and remember. My panting breath and racing heart finally begins to slow as I gulp deep, desperate lungfulls of air, trying to force down the all-consuming panic.

My heart is so ravaged and my defenses so splintered and wrecked, laying wasted around me, that for the briefest of pauses, I'm unable to stop the flash of sympathetic green eyes and longing for his strong arms to hold me. But there is no one else here to put me back together, there _cannot_ be anyone else, there is only me, and that has to be enough.

Untangling myself from the sheets, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and stand to go in search of something to drink. As I walk into the living room, I see Jasper's barely illuminated figure curled into the corner of the couch. He looks up at me, patting the seat beside him. Without a second thought, I walk over and settle onto the cushion. He reaches towards the table and hands me a glass filled with cold liquid.

"Ginger ale?" I mumble.

"Of course, B," he replies, his voice thick with sleep.

I give him a small smile, grateful that he remembers. It's been almost two years since I've had a nightmare. But for awhile, after everything, when Jasper was recovering, and I was still learning to tape up the pieces, we would meet on the couch almost nightly, the ginger ale settling my nerve ravaged stomach.

The icy, crisp soda burns slightly going down, but the coldness immediately calms my insides, and I start to relax. Several more sips and I set the glass back onto the table, leaning back into Jasper's awaiting arms.

Maybe I was wrong before, I do have my friends to help hold the pieces together, but they are crutches, aides, they cannot do this forever. It is unfair of me to even ask. Jasper thinks that he is being sneaky and slick and that I don't know the reason he hasn't moved in with Alice is because he's afraid of leaving me. But I know, and the guilt of what he's sacrificing for me always gnaws at the edges of my mind.

I feel his arms flex around me, the pressure easing the aches inside, soothing the rawness. "What happened?" he asks in his quiet, undemanding way.

"It was the same dream, the one where I watch the memory and then disappear."

He nods his understanding. "Mhmm, what happened?" he repeats.

I let out a deep sigh, knowing exactly what caused this flare-up of memories. "Ange brought her up, said that I needed to try to move on."

"It's been three years, B, I don't think that's an unreasonable or surprising suggestion."

Swallowing thickly, I continue, "And Edward is taking me to dinner."

His whole body stiffens and then relaxes as he tries to cover over his shock. "You agreed to go on a date with him?"

There is no reason for either of us to point out that I haven't dated a boy since high school.

"Agreed is too strong of a word, more like was-fucking-tricked-and-chose-not-to-fight." He doesn't even have to voice the question, I can feel it in the air between us. "When we all went out Friday night, I lost a damned bet over a game of pool, he said he wanted a date. I...I didn't say no."

I don't tell him that Edward's gender isn't even the part that freaks me out the most, it's a mind-trip for sure, _me_ dating a boy. But it's the overwhelming attraction- the way everything fades away when he's near me and every cell in my body focuses on him, as if he were the magnetic north pulling my compass needle, drawing me towards him- that scares the ever loving fuck out of me. I don't tell him that this is stronger than anything I've felt before, stronger than _her_.

HHHRtFHHH

I finally succumb a fitful sleep an hour later, tossing and turning as my body forces me to rest and my mind stays alert, afraid of falling back into the same dream. Sunday morning dawns and my eyes ache with exhaustion, my whole body feels twitchy and strung out. I'm working through my first cup of coffee when my cell phone rings. Looking at the screen, I groan. I really don't want to talk to Edward right now, but, as always seems to be the case, my hands are working without my permission.

"What?" I answer, obnoxiously.

"Good morning to you, too, sunshine." He laughs good humouredly.

"It's early, and I don't have nearly enough caffeine for this shit."

He laughs again, completely unfazed by my passive resistance. "I was just calling to see when you were free for dinner?"

"I can't believe you're really going to hold me to this stupid bet, Edward." I am fully aware that I can just say no, but, despite my fear of the feelings he incites in me, I do actually like him, and I don't want to upset him.

"Well, we both know that there's something else you'd rather I hold you to, but yes, I would really like to take you to dinner." I take it back, he's a douche...a sexy fucking douche with a cock that stars in my daydreams.

I have to end this conversation now. I'm giving myself whiplash with my change in moods, and talking to him when I'm feeling so off-kilter is dangerous.

"Next Saturday at 7. You're taking me to Lola. If you're even one minute late, you're SOL." I hang up the phone without another word, part of me hoping he'll give me a reason to turn him away, part of me hoping that he won't.

HHHRtFHHH

Later on Sunday, I call Angela and invite her over. It's been two days since we last spoke, and I miss my best friend. Jasper has gone to Alice's, so when Ange arrives, we're alone.

I open the door and she immediately engulfs me in a body crushing hug, which I return enthusiastically.

"I missed you, B! I hate it when we argue," she says.

"I know, me too," I whisper sadly.

She pulls back, taking me in. Her eyes narrow in suspicion, I'm sure the bags under my eyes and my pallor tip her off.

"Nightmares again," she comments quietly, sweeping my hair off my face and tucking it behind my ear. It's not really a question, which is just one of the many reasons she's my best friend. She _knows_ me. I remind myself that I should do a better job of remembering that when she tells me things I don't want to hear.

I close the front door, and we walk into the kitchen where I have dinner cooking for us. "Yeah, same one. It woke Jasper up."

"Oh, sweets. I'm so sorry."

"No, you were right. It's been three years, it's time to stop letting what happened dictate my life."

She looks at me surprised, this is a complete turn around from my usual response.

"I have a date," I blurt out. She quirks her eyebrow in question at the apparent non sequitur. "With Edward," I clarify.

This time her eyes widen in utter shock. "Really? I...are you sure that's a good idea?"

I take a deep breath, trying to tamp down the flash of anger at her question. "I'm going to ignore the fact that you suggested that I date him before." I look at her pointedly.

"I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't think I could handle it. I'm tired, Ange. I'm tired of staying away from him, I'm tired of running, I'm tired of fighting this connection we have. I can't let what happened with," I pause to take a deep breath, preparing to say her name voluntarily for the first time in years, "Kate...close me off. I can't offer Edward anything more than friendship, but I owe it to myself to at least try."

"I'm proud of you, B. I know it's hard, but I'm here for you. Whatever you need. I just want you happy and living, not just faking it and surviving."

I smile at her appreciatively before clearing my throat. "Well, enough touchy-feely shit. Let's eat."

HHHRtFHHH

After the talk with Angela, I feel lighter and happier than I have since Edward wandered into my life. I can do this. I can take this insane energy between him and I and channel it into friendship.

I haven't talked to him since Sunday, so he's clueless about my new found optimism and resolution to be friends with him. When he shows up a couple of minutes late for our date, I can't help but mess with his head. I feel a little bad when he takes me seriously, and it occurs to me that I've been so uptight around him that he's never seen me relaxed.

After I put the flowers in water, I lock up the front door and we make our way out of the building. Edward rests his hand on the small of my back, maintaining contact with me for all three blocks. When we arrive at his car, I reach for the handle, waiting for him to unlock the door. He laughs lightly, holding the top of the door while I get in and closing it firmly after I'm settled inside.

I think if I had taken a minute to actually consider that dating a guy might be different than dating another woman, I might have been freaked out. I've always been quite vocal with my feelings regarding societal expectations of 'polite and proper' treatment of women, the belief that it reinforces our subjugation. I'm surprised to discover that I actually enjoy his polite behavior. My inner-feminist bristles, remembering every argument I've ever had about the archaic, patriarchal implications of needing help to open a door or navigate a side walk. But, in reality, it's nothing like that. He's being nice, not because he has to, but because he wants to. Something tells me that if _I_ held the door for _him_, he would do nothing more than thank me. Huh.

The drive to the restaurant is easy and light. His iPod provides a good, eclectic mix of songs, we point out our favorites. I laugh when Tori Amos', _Blood Roses,_ pops up; he just shrugs, and says, "What? She plays a kick ass piano! Alice dragged me to a show when we were teenagers; it was good."

I laugh harder at him. "Right, I'm sure the way that she practically fucks the piano as she plays has nothing to do with it!"

Later, Nine Inch Nails comes on, and I yell loudly to _March of the Pigs_. He raises his eyebrow and shakes his head. "Really, Bella? NIN? Interesting."

We arrive at Lola a little while later; he wasn't kidding when he complained about traffic being bad tonight. He's around the car and holding my door for me before I have a chance to do it myself. This time, I smile at him knowingly and he just smirks. His hand is once again placed on my back, but when we arrive at the door to the restaurant, I open it gesturing him inside.

Just as I suspected, his only response is a chuckled, "Thank you."

We approach the hostess' podium and she looks up to greet us, her overly-made-up eyes sweeping over me dismissively before landing on Edward, where they wander appreciatively. I clear my throat, asserting my presence and look at her challengingly. She flicks her odd, purple-streaked, red hair over her shoulder, pointedly ignoring me, and addresses Edward. "Good evening, Sir. How can I help you?"

Placing my hand on his arm, I cut him off from speaking. "Is the reservation under your name, babe?"

He looks at me questioningly, if not a little stunned, at the unexpected term of endearment, only nodding his head in answer. I smile at him lightly, turning to the hostess. My voice is practically dripping with syrupy-sweetness, "Reservation for two, under Cullen, please."

Her jaw tightens in understanding as she mumbles a contrite, "Yes, ma'am, of course," before turning her attention to the open reservation book in front of her.

As we're ushered back to our table, Edward leans down and whispers in my ear, "Babe?" His warm breath on the sensitive skin sends a shiver down my spine. I cover the involuntary movement with a shake of my head, refusing to explain.

It shocks the hell out of me to realize that it's not Edward, himself, that is making me so conscious of the fact that he's a man, but it's the behavior of those around us. When two women go to dinner together, there is not deference to one over the other. Having to assert myself as an active participant in this evening is fucking obnoxious; I have no patience for being brushed aside. In the immortal, if slightly altered, words of Patrick Swayze, "Nobody puts Bella in the goddamned corner." _Also, I've never had the fucking hostess try to hijack my date._

We settle in at our table, and we place our drink orders. The waiter brings them back, and turns to Edward, asking asking if _we_ would like to start with an appetizer. Edward, being the quick study that he obviously is, immediately understands the point I was trying to make to the hostess. He turns to me, smirking, and says, "I don't know, what do you think..._babe_?"

I glare at him playfully.

We both decide to just place our orders for dinner, and once the waiter has left the table, Edward and I make small talk. It again surprises me how easy he is to get along with, at least when he's not being a cocky ass. Our food arrives and the conversation continues naturally. There is just enough awkward tension to remind me that I don't actually know him, and it makes me want to remedy that.

"How did you decide on an English major?" he asks during a lull in our chatter.

"Um, it kind of fell into my lap, actually. I was undecided for awhile, but I took a mid-level creative writing class. The professor pulled me aside and told me I should consider majoring in it. I didn't have anything better to do, so I figured what the hell. I thought, if nothing else, I could go into editing or something."

He laughs. "And now you're a waitress?"

"Well, it's not like that was my life's dream, Edward," I say, rolling my eyes. Anyone else and I would be seriously offended; I'm damned good at what I do, even if it is a waste of my degree. But somehow I know that Edward doesn't mean anything derogatory by his comment.

"It's...well," I pause, trying to figure out how to engage my verbal filter before I take the conversation to places I'm not interested in visiting. But my efforts are completely useless, because as soon as I start to tell him how I came to be a waitress, I'm spilling almost everything.

"The book that I'm writing now? It actually started out as a short story for an assignment. My professor fell in love with it and encouraged me to expand it. I showed him the first couple of chapters, and he offered to introduce me to an agent friend of his. That was actually my dream. But then a bunch of stuff happened, and life got in the way," I shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. "You know, the usual."

"Well, if it's your dream, you should keep working on it," he comments. I can tell he's reluctant to address this head on, and I wonder just how much he actually knows about everything that happened. Alice is his cousin, so I'm sure he knows something, but I really hope that my personal shit has been left out of the family gossip.

"Dreams change," I whisper, mostly to myself, before clearing my throat. "So, what about you? I know you own a web design business, but what did you actually go to school for?" I'm a little desperate to get the conversation off of me.

He tells me about majoring in Information Systems in school, how he was always kind of a computer nerd as a kid, but he likes the creative aspect of building websites. The rest of our dinner goes on like that, easy, and no more talk of neglected dreams.

By the time we leave the restaurant, I no longer have to convince myself that I should be friends with him, it seems like we're well on our way. It's something of a relief to have an excuse to touch him casually and be near him, there's still the insane sexual tension between us, but giving it an outlet seems to help ease the urgency.

The drive back to my apartment is comfortably quiet, neither of us feels the need to fill the silence with mindless chatter. He pulls to the curb and turns the car off. I turn to him.

"Thank you for inviting me out tonight, Edward. I had a really nice time." I smile sleepily, pleasantly full from the dinner and company.

"Me, too, _babe_," he teases, and I swat at his arm. Our eyes catch as I'm leaned over the console, pulling my arm back. His hand reaches out and caresses my cheek and his lips are moving slowly towards mine, like he's waiting for me to bolt. I think I'm as surprised as he is when I don't pull away and his lips meet mine. The kiss is gentle and sweet, soft lips pressed together, with a hint of spice from lightly nipping teeth. It's satisfying and casual, and somehow feels like the perfect way to end the evening.

I'm reaching for the door handle when he calls my name, I look at him questioningly.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go out again sometime? You know, the two of us?" he asks nervously. I literally bite my tongue to stop the 'yes' that was perched on the tip ready to roll off my lips, as if saying yes to dating him was the most natural thing in the world. But it's not possible.

"Um, I had a really great time, Edward. I like you, I like spending time with you. But I'm not that girl. I don't do _this_," I say, motioning between us. "I would love to be your friend, and if you want to go out again as friends, I would say absolutely. But I just need to be upfront that it won't be more than that. Ever." Now it's my turn to be nervous. I can't even begin to understand why it's so important to me, but I feel like he belongs in my life. Even if we can only ever be friends.

He smirks at me, a playful glint in his eye. "Bella, I was asking to hang out with you, not to marry you. I would be happy to be your friend. I just want to get to know you, whatever you want to call it, 'being friends,' 'dating,' whatever."

I feel relief surge through me, and I smile up at him.

His snicker catches me off guard, and I raise my eyebrow. "I was just wondering, shouldn't there be like a note or something with boxes for me to check? 'Do you want to be my friend, check yes or no.'" And he erupts into laughter.

"Asshole," I mutter, but my own smile quivering at the corners of my tightly pursed lips.

"Yes, Bella, but I'm a _friendly_ asshole!"

I join him in laughter, reaching for the door handle once again.

"Goodnight, friendly asshole."

"Goodnight, _babe_."

* * *

A/N: So, Kate is the ex-biatch of a girlfriend who tried to screw over Bella and broke her heart. I am *dying* to know what you guys think about her! I'm sure there are still more questions and there are still more details about what happened that will come out later on, but for the most part, the basic situation has been laid out.

And how cute are Bella and Edward as friends? I almost feel bad for the angst that's coming. Almost. *evil laugh*

~There are truly no words for how much you guys amaze me! Every week I fall more and more in love with you. Your reviews make my day, I adore that you take the time out to let me know that you're reading and what you think about the story. I can't thank you enough for every review, alert, fav, and rec! You all are my sunshine :)

~Tons of exciting news for RtF!

It was featured on WaywardPushers, along with a really hot pic of Rob at the GGs- you should go look if nothing else to swoon with me over his fuckawesomeness. http: /bit. ly/eqBr4d

It's up for 2 Hidden Star Awards: Best All Around Story and Best Banner! Thank you to whoever nominated me, I am truly, truly humbled! My other completed multi-chap, Confessions, is also up for Best Canon Pairing. I'm not sure when voting starts, but I'll be sure to let you guys know :)

~RtF threesome outtake in EPOV featuring Edward, Bella, and Victoria has been submitted for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence charity compilation. Details at: **fandomagainstdomesticviolence. blogspot. com **If you're unable to donate, no worries, the outtake will be available on 3/18 on FFn.

~**Story Recommendation: **Amongst the Living by DazzlinSparkle05 I love that both Bella and Edward are flawed and quirky in completely normal, real ways. It's almost complete, too. net/s/6053318/1/Amongst_the_Living

~Thank you to **Kas90** and **Nitareality **for beta'ing, and **Sammielynnsmom** and **KrisScott** for pre-reading!

~Sammielynnsmom and I are hosting a contest: **The Pick Your Own Adventure Contest**. We will be accepting submissions Feb 1st-28th. See the FF page for details and the word prompt list: net/~pickyourownadventurecontest

~RtF has a Twilighted thread! twilighted. net/topic/viewforum. php?f=44&t=13319

~I'm on twitter, (at) Morethanmyself

I still own nothing. Until next week! ~Kimberly


	12. Chapter 12

Riding the Fence

Ch. 12

EPOV

"Edward, you already agreed to come! I'm cool with you being in sleep pants and a t-shirt, but something tells me that you're going to feel a little under-dressed for a club," Bella says confidently. There is no doubt in my mind that she'll win in the end, too. But, I can't complain, really; she always makes it worth my while to go along with her. The familiar, comfortable friendship she and I have fallen into over the last couple of months has been surprisingly easy.

She pats my leg, shooing me off the couch. I defiantly stay seated, pouting...but it's a totally manly pout.

"Oh, poor, poor, Pretty Boy," she says in mock sympathy. "Forced to go out with his fuck-hot friend."

"My fuck-hot friend, huh? Tell me, fuck-hot friend, what's in this for me?" I ask, raising my eyebrow and smirking. I hope she does what I think she's going to do. Despite our status as friends, the sexual tension between us continues to spark and hum just below the surface. We flirt insanely, making a joke of who-can-make-who the most sexually frustrated. There have even been a few hot-as-fucking-hell make-out sessions. We are very careful to never take it any further, though. Apparently, for Bella, the line between friendship and dating is sex. Everything else is fair game, as long as we keep on our pants.

Leaning over, so that her mouth is right beside my ear, she whispers, "What's in it for you? Oh, I think we can come up with some sort of reward. Well, first, I promise to keep the nasty bar-skanks off of you, then we'll drink some, and finally, maybe, I'll dance with you," and then she pauses, waiting to see my reaction. I'm already almost brain dead and stupid from her breath on my ear and her lips brushing against the lobe, unable to respond coherently; this is exactly the reaction I was hoping for with my question. Because I like to torture myself with unattainable goals.

"Do you want that, Edward? Would you want me to stand in front of you, facing away, grinding my ass against your cock?" she asks huskily, scratching her nails lightly up and down my thigh.

I merely nod, I may even moan lightly, completely lost in the visual she's teasing me with.

She laughs, bouncing on the cushion away from me. "Great! Then go get dressed! I want to leave soon."

Groaning in frustration, I stand up. "That was low, Bella. Don't think there won't be payback," I say, narrowing my eyes at her.

She just laughs harder as I leave the room to go change clothes.

I'm just finishing tucking my shirt in when my phone rings. Without checking the caller ID, I answer it, reaching for my socks at the same time.

"Hello?" I answer while bending forward to pull the first sock up my calf.

"Edward? Is this a bad time?" I'm shocked to hear Alice's voice on the phone.

"Um, no, no...what's up?" I've stopped messing with my socks, giving her my complete attention. Things with Alice have continued to be strained and awkward since the night I made an ass of myself in front of Bella in the restaurant, almost three months ago. She and I talk occasionally, still trying to find a way around the rift, but it usually ends up in another argument.

"I was just wondering...if you," she pauses to take a deep breath, before grinding out, "and Bella...would like to have dinner with Jasper and me next week. We're planning on doing it at Jasper and Bella's place, since it's bigger."

I'm so caught off guard by the invitation that I barely stop myself before blurting out, "It's Bella's apartment, I'm pretty sure she can eat there if she wants." Not only would that make me a huge asshat, but I am actually very glad that my cousin is putting for the effort to give Bella a chance.

"Edward?" she asks, sounding unsure.

"Oh, sorry, Ally. Yeah, yeah, I'll definitely be there; I'll have to talk to Bella and let you know. Just, um, you know that Bella and I aren't dating, right? We're just friends." I don't know why I feel the need to clarify once again, but I don't want Alice to feel like I'm keeping something from her, and I'm pretty sure Bella would have my balls if I claimed her seriously as my girlfriend.

Not that I don't want her to be my girlfriend, I really do, but I know without a doubt that even broaching the subject would fuck up our friendship, and I'm not willing to risk it. It's also the reason that I'm just as careful as she is to keep the flirting from going too far; I'm not willing to risk our friendship over a quick fuck.

"Whatever, Edward. I've seen you two together, call it what you want, but neither of you are dating anyone else, you spend all your free time together, and, if you remember, I saw you two making out on the couch at their apartment a couple of weeks ago. Girlfriend, friend-girl, fuck buddy. I don't care what you call it, just don't treat me like I'm stupid. Last time I checked, people don't normally shove their tongues down their friends' throats."

"I'm not treating you..." but she cuts me off.

"Edward, I don't want to fight with you. I'm trying. I need you to do the same by not jumping down my throat over every little thing." I want to argue with her; I want to tell her that accusing me of lying about my relationship isn't exactly a little thing. But she did put herself out there first, offering to be in the same room as Bella and me is a pretty big olive branch.

"Okay, you're right. If you're willing to try to accept our _friendship_, then I'll try not to jump over every little thing."

Bella walks in just then, sitting on the bed next to me. "I'm ready to go! Why are you on the phone? Don't you _want_ me to shake my ass for you?"

"I, uh...I'll be off the phone in a second, Bella." I try to stop her from saying anything more damning, knowing exactly how that sounded to Alice. Alice, who is currently laughing humorlessly at me.

"Edward, you know, I don't think it's just me that you're lying to, it's both of yourselves."

"Alice, I..." Bella's eyes get huge, and she mouths, "Fuck, sorry," just as Alice talks over me.

"Next Saturday, 6-ish, Bella and Jasper's apartment. Don't forget."

I sigh in resignation, there's no use trying to win this argument right now. "I won't forget. And, Alice? Thank you."

She just hums her understanding and hangs up. Something tells me that her idea of little things worth overlooking and mine are two different things.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't realize she was on the phone," Bella say apologetically.

"It's okay, she's just...single-minded," I explain vaguely, not wanting to discuss Alice's opinion of my relationship with Bella.

"So, what won't you forget?"

I give her a questioning look, amused by her nosiness.

"What, I'm curious!" she defends, laughing.

"Actually, Alice asked us to come to dinner with her and Jasper at your apartment next weekend. I told her I'd be there, but I'd have to ask you," I explain.

She looks taken aback at this, I'm pretty sure it's not even remotely what she was expecting me to say. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Edward. You know she and I don't get along, I don't want to put you in an awkward position."

And this is the part where I have to tread carefully. Bella has made it very clear that her past is not up for discussion, including exactly what happened between her and my cousin. The one time I asked about Kate, she left my apartment without another word. I have to remind myself that, despite the fact that I truly can't imagine my life without her, we really haven't known each other that long. I don't have a right to demand answers.

"Alice is trying, Bella. I don't expect you to forgive her for how she treats you, but she's my cousin. I can't just turn my back on her. She specifically asked if you would come. I think she realizes that I'm not going to stop being your friend just because she has a problem with you. She's trying for me. Would you at least think about it? I swear that if she is at all snide or bitchy, we'll bail. I won't let her speak to you disrespectfully." I look at her pleadingly. In the time we've spent together, I've never really asked her for anything. I'm hoping she'll do this one thing for me.

She regards me with a calculating look for a minute before nodding her concession. "I'll think about it. I'm not promising that I'll go, but for you, I'll think about it."

"Thank you." I smile at her awkwardly. This is the first disagreement we've had and it feels good to know that we can discuss things rationally, but I'm not sure how to react now that it's over. Bella, however, has no such confusion; immediately, her demeanor shifts back to her usual playful self.

"Okay, well, now that that's out of the way, get your damned shoes on! I want to go, I think we both need a drink." She laughs, leaving the room, obviously expecting me to follow.

Thirty minutes and a slightly smelly cab ride later, we're standing in line at Eclipse, waiting to pay our outrageous cover charge so we can listen to some shitty electronica and dance with 300 drunk, sweaty strangers. Once we get through, we head straight to the bar, ordering tequila shots to help shake the residual stress from Alice's unexpected call.

I laugh at the look of shocked, disgust on her face after the first shot. By her third and final one, I'm hyper aware of her lips wrapped around the edge of the shot glass and the long lines of her neck as she throws her head back to drink. She lowers her head after she's finished, her eyes glassy from the liquor that's settled into her system, her cheeks flushed from the same. _Fuck, she's beautiful._ I throw back my last shot to distract myself, coughing as the burn catches me off guard.

"Smooth, Edward, smooth." Bella laughs at me and I'm not sure if she's talking about me obviously ogling her or choking on my drink. Before I have a chance to retort, she grabs my hand and is dragging me through the crowded club towards the dance floor.

The pulsating lights make walking a dangerous business, so we find a relatively secluded space near the wall, out of the way. True to her word, Bella spins away from me, pressing her ass firmly against my crotch. My hands find her hips, holding them possessively. She may not be mine, but there is absolutely no reason for any of the fuckers here to know that.

An hour of Bella dry-humping me in time to the music and I'm so fucking hard that it hurts when she pushes against me. I decide a break is in order, before I bend her over and take her right-the-fuck here in front of God and everyone.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom, will you be okay for a minute?" I ask her.

"No, Edward, I'm in need of a bodyguard so that I can stand here, holding up this wall until you get back. How ever did I survive before you?" she replies, sarcasm dripping from her words.

"Okay, smart ass, it was a simple question," I tease in mock annoyance, smacking her jean-clad ass as I walk away. Her surprised yelp is clear over the music, and I can't help but feel a bit smug at catching her off guard.

I'm still laughing as I walk down darkened hallway, searching for the door to the men's room. I'm so busy thinking about Bella that I don't see the girl in front of me until I practically shove her over. I reach out quickly to stop her fall before I help steady her on her feet.

I mumble an apology, still distracted, but I quickly realize that her hands are still wrapped around my forearms. I look up at her questioningly. She's got a predatory gleam in her eye that sends shivers down my spine. Fuck, I don't want to deal with this; she's the kind of nasty bar-skank that I was worried about.

"What's the hurry? Isn't the polite thing to do to buy a drink for the pretty girl you almost knocked down?" she purrs, tightening her grip so that it's almost painful, although, somehow not nearly as painful as the screech of her voice.

"Oh, um, I'm here with a friend...my girlfriend, I mean, my girlfriend, and she would kick my ass for buying another girl a drink, pretty or otherwise." She smirks at my slip-up. Dammit.

"Your 'girlfriend', huh?" She air-quotes, fucking _air-quotes_ the word girlfriend. "You don't have to lie, sweetie. If you don't want to buy me a drink, just dance one dance with me. You do owe me, after all, and I promise I'll make it worth your time," she says suggestively. I wouldn't touch her with someone else's dick, much less mine.

"I'm not interested, really...," I trail off when I hear laughter behind me, whipping my head around, I find Bella standing there laughing at my predicament. The woman is attached firmly to my side, reminding me of a leech, staring daggers at Bella.

"There you are, Edward. Who's your friend?" she asks, looking at the girl expectantly.

"Jessica. You must be the friend he was telling me about," she replies snidely.

"Girlfriend, Bella. I told her you were my girlfriend," I say, widening my eyes, hoping that Bella will back me up so that Jessica will drop my arm without leaving scars. I know from experience that if she doesn't understand quickly that she doesn't have a shot in hell, I will spend the rest of the night fighting off her and her skank-posse.

Bella laughs harder. That doesn't bode well for me.

"See! I knew she wasn't really your girlfriend, you didn't say it right away before!" she screeches triumphantly, getting impossibly closer to me. I'm as close to the wall as I can be without feeling guilty for not buying it dinner first. I've never been claustrophobic before, but the tiny hallway and the girl drowning in perfume beside me are quickly changing that.

"Why would you lie about a fake girlfriend, Eddie?" she pouts.

I silently curse my mother for raising me not to hit girls. I want my fucking arm back. _Maybe Mom would understand this one time._

"Fake girlfriend?" Bella laughs, finally taking mercy on me. "Oh, _sweetie_, there's _nothing_ fake about me...which is more than I can say for you," she says mockingly, looking directly at Jessica's horrifyingly lopsided boobs.

To prove her point, Bella pulls me away from Jessica and shoves me up against the wall, taking my hands into hers and holding them behind her back, as she begins to kiss me in earnest. Her tongue is warm and silky against mine, and she's going to drive me crazy the way she's using our entwined hands to press against her ass, causing her to grind against me. Her beautiful, real tits are pressed up against my chest. I can't even comprehend going after someone like Jessica, who probably has enough silicone in her body to keep the computer industry in service for the next decade.

A high pitched, strangled, huff of anger to my left causes me to snap open my eyes just in time to see plasti-girl stomp her foot in frustration. Bella pulls away from me, both of us panting, catching sight of Jessica's tantrum over her shoulder.

"You're still here?" Bella says, sounding genuinely surprised. One more angry huff and plasti-girl stomps off to pout somewhere else.

Bella and I both burst out laughing, I'm sure we're loud enough for Jessica to hear us. After Bella catches her breath, she turns to me. "So, who was it that needed the bodyguard, again?"

Scowling at her playfully, I grab her hand and pull her back towards the bar. A drink can only help this situation. We spend the rest of the night drinking and dancing, before finally deciding to head out. By this point, both Bella and I are fairly inebriated, which was the expected outcome of the evening and why we took a cab here.

Something I learned about Bella fairly early on in our friendship is that she's a handsy drunk. She still sometimes makes fun of me for the girly-scream I let loose the first time she unexpectedly reached from behind me to grab my junk. Tonight, though, I'm prepared for her roaming hands and indulge in my own groping.

We're stumbling along the sidewalk, toward the end of the block where the cabs are, when I feel Bella's hand begin to creep off my hip down towards my ass.

"Bella," I growl in her ear in warning.

"What?" she asks innocently, moving her hand back up to rest at my waist.

A few steps later, we repeat it, this time her hand squeezes while she's looking at me, as if she doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about, before she returns it to my hip.

The last time, I spin her around, pressing her back against a dark van parallel parked on the side of the road. I reach down, kissing her forcefully while she opens her mouth to me. Several moments later, she pulls away and starts kissing and nipping along my jaw, trying to catch her breath.

"Fire, kitten. You're playing with fucking fire," I groan against her ear.

Instead of causing her to back down, my words spur her on. She lifts her self up, wrapping her legs around my hips, pressing her hot center against my aching cock. And then I'm lost in her, the alcohol in my veins and the torturous-teasing of the night working together to evaporate all reason. My hands are under her ass, pulling her tightly to me, her moans of pleasure as I rub against her pussy, telling me that she's just as turned on as I am. Her fingers underneath my shirt, roaming my back, kneading the muscles and scratching at the skin, are driving me fucking crazy.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me like this, Bella? How hard it is to keep myself under control?"

She moans louder, her hips bucking against me.

"One day, kitten, you're going to push me too far, and I'm going to make you forget to stop me. One day, I'm going to fuck you until you can't walk straight."

Her hips are moving in rhythmic circles by this point, her cries are becoming higher pitched as she gets closer to the edge. I'm basically fucking her here in the open, but I don't even give a fuck. If people don't want to see, they can look away.

"Do you want that, Bella? You want me to take you in every position imaginable? In every _place_ imaginable?" I ask her, pressing my fingers into the seam of her jeans between her ass cheeks, to emphasize my meaning.

With the last grope, she falls apart, clinging to me tightly, biting down on my shoulder to muffle her screams of pleasure. All I can do is hold on to her as she rides out her orgasm; I'm completely in awe and wonder at how beautiful she is. Okay, and maybe I'm a little smug that I just made her come in public without getting caught.

Several minutes later, she's calmed down, and I place her onto her feet, still holding onto her. Once she's steady, she takes a step back and looks at me, her eyes wide in some mixture of emotions I don't understand.

"Edward, I...um, what's the appropriate response here?" she finally jokes, laughing away the awkwardness in her usual, snarky way.

"Well, when someone gets me off against a van, I usually go with 'thank you', but, you know, that's just me," I joke back to her, carefully keeping my disappointment in check. I know something's going to have to give soon, but not now, not while we're both drunk and tired.

We finally make our way to a cab, riding in comfortable silence all the way to her apartment. As Bella gets out, I ask the driver to wait so I can watch her get through the entrance of her building. Just before she closes the cab door, she leans back in, kissing my cheek and whispering, "Thank you."

The smile stays on my face all the way home.

HHHRtFHHH

Bella and I talk on the phone like normal the next week, no awkwardness present from our night out. She doesn't bring up Alice's dinner and neither do I. I know how uncomfortable it is for her to be around my cousin, and I'm not going to try to force her to put up with it.

Finally, Thursday afternoon I receive a text from Bella.

**I'll go. For you.**

I text her back with a simple 'thank you,' before calling Alice to let her know. I can tell that Alice wants to make a bitchy comment about how Bella waited until the last minute, but I'm grateful when she refrains. I wasn't kidding when I told Bella that I wouldn't let my cousin give her shit.

Bella and I spend all Saturday together. She has a rare day off, so we take full advantage, spending the day outside in the crisp fall air, glad to be done with the oppressive heat of the summer. Back at my apartment, we both shower and change clothes. Bella thought ahead and brought a bag with her, not wanting to spend more time than necessary with Alice before dinner.

I'd gotten a bottle of wine to bring with us, and Bella laughed at me when I showed her.

"I live there, Edward, I don't think I'm required to bring a gift. But, if it makes you feel better to indulge Alice playing house, then you go right ahead."

We get to Bella's apartment just before six, letting ourselves in and calling out to let Jasper and Alice know that we're here. It's slightly awkward, feeling like a guest in Bella's house, when I've spent so much time here the last few months. I can only imagine how she feels, being invited to dinner at her own place.

But she makes an honest effort and so does Alice. I don't expect that they're ever going to be friends again, but, if they can be civil, maybe we can all spend time together on a more regular basis. I know that Bella misses Jasper, much like I miss my cousin.

Dinner goes off without a hitch, Alice is actually a pretty good cook, which surprises me, since my Aunt Liz burns water. The conversation flows around the table fairly effortlessly, with the exception of Bella and Alice, who avoid direct interaction as much as possible. I actually consider this a success, my goal for the evening really isn't to force them to forget the mysterious past, it's to get them to be civil.

Finally, the dinner dishes are cleared away we're sitting in the living room, trying to decide on a movie, when Jasper's phone rings. He glances down at it, before excusing himself from the room.

Several minutes later he returns, looking pale and shaken up. His eyes immediately seek out Bella, his face pained.

"J, what's going on?" she asks, obviously concerned.

"I'm...I'll tell you later, now isn't the time," he replies, glancing at me. His cryptic words are doing nothing to ease the apprehension that has settled in my stomach.

Bella laughs nervously. "Dude, you're kind of freaking me out, just spit it out."

He shakes his head, "B, I really don't think..." But, Bella cuts him off, yelling in exasperation, "Just tell me already!"

Sighing in defeat, he says quietly, "Kate's being released from prison."

* * *

A/N: Holy UST Batman! Or not so unresolved for our girl, Bella! LOL But, what a way to leave a guy hanging! So, Kate's getting out of the pokey, I'm sure that's not a big deal, right? Thoughts/ideas?

~I have a reader requested outtake in Alice POV. It's a snapshot of how her friendship used to be with Jasper, Bella, and Kate, back when things were good and they smoked a lot of pot. I'm sending it out with the regular review replies, and it'll post to FFn next week the same time as Ch. 13. And FYI, I do occasionally send my reviewers extras in addition to the usual teaser, I just don't usually announce it :)

~I love you all so much that I would get *all* of your names tattooed over my heart- real tattoos, not the temporary henna ones, either- just so that I could carry you with me always :) On the chapters (like this one!) where I'm ripping my hair out, writing and re-writing, it's you all that keep me going. I am unimaginably grateful that you're reading, anything else is just icing on the cake.

~Fandom Against Domestic Violence is taking donations Feb 1 through 28. RtF has a smut-take in the compilation, if that kind of thing interests you! Details at: **fandomagainstdomesticviolence. blogspot. com**

~The only reason this chapter is on time is because I have the most fabulous team of people helping me, ever! They got it read, beta'd, and critiqued in mere hours. A huge, huge thank you to **Kas90** for super-betaing, and **Sammielynnsmom** and **KrisScott** for their speedy pre-reading!

~**The Pick Your Own Adventure Contest** is up and running. We're accepting submissions Feb 1st-28th. See the FF page for details and the word prompt list: net/~pickyourownadventurecontest

~RtF has a Twilighted thread! twilighted. net/topic/viewforum. php?f=44&t=13319

~I'm on twitter, (at) Morethanmyself

I still own nothing. Until next week! ~Kimberly


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Just a few quick things :)

~I posted the first outtake for RtF under an outtake story called The Other Side of the Fence. Check it out on my profile and alert that if you'd like to know when outtakes post.

~Next week, in lieu of a chapter, I'll be posting an EPOV of the first half of this chapter to the outtake story. I need to get a couple of chapters written ahead, writing down to the wire like I've been doing the last few weeks stresses me out!

~This chapter comes with a tissue and spare panties warning.

Okay, see ya'll on the flip-side!

Riding the Fence

Ch. 13

BPOV

"_Kate's being released from prison."_

The words echo through my head, over and over, hoping maybe I misheard and that they will suddenly morph into something else, something that makes sense, something that doesn't scare the ever loving fuck out of me. I'm not delusional, I knew that she couldn't stay in prison forever, though that idea is the subject of some of my more forgiving fantasies of things that I wish for her. I just have refused to think about it...until now. Stupid me, assuming that her plea bargained sentence was the end of it; I'm not supposed to have to think about her for at least two more years. But Kate is a very good liar and a good pretender. If she could play the roll of devoted girlfriend and lover flawlessly for two years, a few years in prison pretending not to be a soulless bitch should be nothing.

I have absolutely no idea how her reappearance in my life will effect me; I have no idea how I will react to seeing her. And I will see her, without a doubt. Her whole family lives in Seattle, or at least they did three years ago. Even if by some miracle they all left while she was away, I am certain that Kate will find a reason to see me. She tried sending me letters for awhile after she was gone. I made the mistake of opening the first one; I didn't speak to anyone for days. Not that I was doing much speaking to anyone anyway. Jasper finally found the letter, and after that he always checked the mail before I did. I knew when she sent a new letter because he would push extra hard to engage me, to force me to surface from the darkness that had consumed me after...everything. I never did know if he just got better at hiding his intentions, if I was better at hiding my pain, or if she had given up hope that I was going to respond to her that way.

What terrifies me about the words that Jasper has just spoken is that I have no idea what is coming. The only reason I survived her betrayal is because I wasn't forced to face her every day or, fuck, ever. She has been somewhere I would _never_ accidentally run into her. But now? Now I have no idea when that would be. Will I be grocery shopping on a Tuesday afternoon and she'll "accidentally" bump into me on the cereal aisle? Will I be running in the park and feel her presence before I see her?

I'm not afraid for my physical safety; of all the things Kate is, physically violent is not one of them. I'm fucking terrified for my emotional safety- my sanity. She damn near destroyed me the first time, I have no idea if she still holds that power over me. I don't love her anymore, that's for fucking sure. No, now I hate her deep down in the darkest part of my soul. I have nothing but utter contempt and rage towards her...that is actually the problem.

Hate and love are just opposite sides of the same coin. What I want is indifference, but I've wasted three long years working to not think about her, letting the hate take hold and fester. I've feigned indifference and an air of complete and utter uncaring. But I do care; I hate her. She stole things from me that I didn't even know I had, things that I took so much for granted that their soul-breaking, heart wrenching, absence was the only evidence that they had ever been mine.

"Bella?" Edward's quiet, unsure voice breaks through my inner turmoil. Looking up quickly, I realize that there are three pairs of eyes on me, two sets are questioning and afraid; the third pair is more of a mild disinterest, tinted with a healthy dose of disdain.

I can't let them see me like this, so close to losing control, so close to giving in to the rage building inside of me. How _dare _Kate, how fucking dare she! Threatening to come back into my life, the mere hint of the possibility of her presence throwing me back into a tail-spin that I've been working for years to control.

I jump from my spot on the floor, sprinting to my room and slamming the door behind me without a word or backwards glance to anyone in the living room. I've hurt Jasper enough for two lifetimes by not being able to control my emotions, by not keeping my thoughts and feelings tightly controlled. I can't hurt him more. I can't let Edward see me this unhinged. I refuse to give Alice the satisfaction of seeing me in pain.

Once inside the sanctuary of my room, I lean my back against the closed door, panting with the effort of staving off a panic attack. I can feel the excess adrenaline closing off my lungs, tightening the band of panic around them. I'm working to keep my breathing at a measured pace, not calm by any means, but at least controlled. There was a time when I used to carry a small paper bag with me at all times. I may have looked stupid, but that shit actually works...especially when my former methods for calming my nerves were no longer an option.

The panic rushing through my veins is making it physically impossible for me to stand here any longer. I feel like a caged animal, my muscles tensed and ready, my eyes wide and wild as they roam the room, desperate for an escape. My gaze lands on a picture frame beside my bed. It's of Jasper and I, smiling and happy, the summer before Junior year.

_"Alice, take the goddamn picture! It's fucking hot out here, and I want to go inside!" I yell at her, though I'm not actually angry._

_She sticks her tongue out at me, and I laugh at her. "God, Ally, you're such a pain in my ass!"_

_She just laughs harder. "Well, you aren't such a picnic yourself, B. Admit it, you're going to miss me while I'm gone!" She's going to the east coast somewhere, visiting a cousin for the summer._

_"Yes, Alice, but how can I miss you if you won't leave?"_

_Beside me, Jasper tickles my side, a gentle reminder that Alice isn't like us; she takes my loud mouth to heart. I elbow him in his ribcage, causing him to tickle me harder. The resulting scuffle leaves us both laughing, gasping for breath, and slightly bruised; that's the image she captures. _

_Just a couple of weeks later, I met Kate, and everything changed._

I don't even realize what I'm doing until I feel the picture frame leave my hand and watch it hurtle towards the wall. The shattering glass is completely dissatisfying, it does nothing to ease the ache in my chest, to stop the assault of memories of my whirlwind introduction to Kate. It does abso-fucking-lutely nothing to change the past.

A primal scream rips from my lungs, burning up my vocal chords, shattering the stillness around me in a way that the breaking of the picture did not. For the ten seconds that my mind is blank, and my whole body focuses on producing and experiencing the sound of my pain and fear and hurt and just blind fucking rage, I have more peace than I have had in literally years. I am so utterly in this moment, so intensely experiencing this, that there is no room for anything else. There is no fucked up past, no uncertain future, there are no terrifyingly familiar feelings for the bronze haired boy who has done nothing to deserve my special brand of fucked-in-the-head. There is only right now, this minute, this second, this scream. But when I am completely out of breath, completely spent, completely exhausted - it all rushes back in, and it's only me. The pathetic, broken, thrown-away girl.

Suddenly, unable to hold myself up any longer, I lean back against the wall, sliding down to the floor. I pull my knees up to my chest. And I cry.

A tentative knock on the door reminds me that, in spite of my desire to break down alone, the thin walls of this goddamned apartment assures the three witnesses I wish to spare a full-access aural pass. "Go the fuck away!" I scream.

I hear the door hinges quietly open as someone walks in anyway. As soon as he steps into the room, without even checking, I know that it's Edward. I can't look at him, I'm so ashamed of my loss of control. He moves closer into the room, still not speaking; I feel his eyes burning across my tightly curled body. After several silent, appraising moments waiting for him to speak, I can't take it anymore. The self-consciousness he's causing forces me to contain the raw emotions pouring through my body, making them throb and ache almost unbearably.

"I said get out, Edward," I say with as much conviction as I can muster. Praying to fucking God that he doesn't hear what I'm not saying: I need him to do what he's done for the last three months - make me forget I'm broken, make me forget I can't give him what he wants, make me forget everything except the way he makes me laugh and smile, and the rushing-blood, racing-heart feeling of his lips against mine.

I hear his feet shuffle on the carpet in indecision, neither moving forward nor retreating. I look up to see why he hasn't left me yet.

He hesitantly places his hand on my arm, in what I assume is supposed to be a comforting gesture, but there's also a question there, a request for me to let him in, to let him be _more_. I shake him off, refusing to give in to the electric hum and spark that always ignites between us when our bare skin touches.

He looks at me hurt momentarily before his face clears. "Bella, I know...," he starts, but I can't listen to what he thinks he knows. I can't listen as he tries to argue my resistance away.

"You don't know shit, Edward! You have no goddamn clue, don't even pretend to understand or sympathize!"

"So tell me! Let me in, tell me what happened! I'm here, I want to help - stop pushing me away and hiding!"

I feel my whole body go ridged.

_No._

No, he has no right to ask that of me, no idea what he's truly asking. I have never had to _explain_ any of this, try to sit down and give a linear, semi-detached, recount of the events. Everyone in my life knows exactly what happened, well, everyone except Alice, but that was through her own choice.

He has no fucking clue what it will cost me to tell him. He is going to ask questions, and I have no idea which is more powerful, my desire to never have to purposefully re-tell those events or my inability to deny him. In a battle between his will and mine, there is no clear winner.

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion but not uncertainty, and I have never hated that beautiful pucker until this moment. He doesn't get it, and I can't tell him. I'm shaking my head slightly, silently begging him not to push. I will give him anything, anything...just not this.

"Bella?"

Please. No.

"Tell me..."

I can't. I fucking can't.

"...about Kate."

Fuck you.

"Please."

It's the please that does me in, that forces me into action before he asks again, that urges me to do whatever it takes to make him stop pushing. It's the please that tells me without a doubt that in the battle of wills, he is already victorious. It's the please that breaks months of restraint and pushes us into the space beyond friends.

I throw myself across the room at him, my lips harshly pressing against his, desperate and forceful. My hands are buried in his hair, the strands twisted between my fingers as I'm tugging. He hesitates just a moment before he's kissing me back just as desperately. We're both going to have bruised lips soon, but I can't find it in me to care, as long as he never stops doing that thing with his tongue against the tip of mine. With our bodies pressed together, with kisses that ignite embers and flames, there is no room for anything else - neither his questions, nor my panic. My mind is clear from anything but this man touching me in ways that I have dreamed of for months.

His hands roam my body with a kind of freedom we've never had before. He isn't hesitant; he is demanding and sure, lifting my knee and hooking it over his hip, forcing me to lean more heavily into him. His hand teases the underside of my thigh, just below where I want him.

"Bella?" he whispers gruffly against my neck.

I hum distractedly in response.

"I'm not stopping myself tonight, if you want me to, you're going to have to say so right now." His mouth never leaves my skin, the words tickling and teasing in brushes of lips and puffs of breath.

My stomach flips low in my belly, desire rushing through me, making my knees weak. His grip tightens to keep me upright against him, his fingers digging deliciously into the sensitive of my inner thigh.

I moan, "Oh god, please, please don't stop, Edward."

He flips us around so that my back is leaning against the door, my legs now wrapped around his waist. Reaching forward, I pull his shirt up his torso, forcing him to remove his arms from me to finish taking it off, my body supported wholly by his hips pressing me firmly against the door, his cock pressing firmly against my wet heat. His uncovered upper body takes my breath away, the same way it does whenever I see him shirtless. I want nothing more than to lick across his chest, to see his strong, muscled arms on either side of my head as he fucks me senseless. For the moment, I'll settle for for raking my fingers through the course smattering of hair running down his sternum and between his abs, letting my fingers bump along the ridges of the muscles, tracing the lines of ink.

His eyes, which had closed when my hands began exploring, suddenly open wide as I trace my finger along the waist band of his jeans, dipping slightly to tease the skin just below the elastic of his boxers. I laugh lightly at the groan that leaves his mouth. His eyes darken, sparking forest green, burning with desire and the laugh dies in my throat.

His hand comes up to caress my cheek and throat before he takes my jaw firmly in his hand, my chin trapped in his palm. He tilts my head down and levels our eyes. The domination and forcefulness of that single action makes my whole body loose and limp, heat throbbing through my pussy; I am, quite literally, putty in his hands.

"Oh, kitten. The things I'm going to do to you...you have no idea," he growls.

"_Fuck me."_

"Trust me, I plan to." He smirks at me.

I can only whimper at the promise of his words.

He's pulling my t-shirt off, and I'm still struggling to remove it from my arms when I feel his mouth encircle my nipple through the cotton of my bra, the moist warmth and flicker of his tongue causing it to harden further. For all the foreplay we've engaged in over the last few months, he has never had his mouth on my bare breasts. I want that. And, apparently, he does too, because my bra is suddenly being undone and then ripped from my body.

I close my eyes, dropping my head back to the door to wait for his touch. Several moments later, when I still haven't felt his mouth on me, I open my eyes to see him watching me expectantly. The moment my eyes meet his, he holds my gaze and leans forward, tracing around the pebbled peak with the tip of his nose, before flicking his tongue out and engulfing it between his lips.

My hands find their way back into his hair, tugging him closer to me and holding him there. He spends what feels like an eternity laving attention onto my breasts, until my hips are bucking wildly against him, and I'm lost in the pleasure thrumming inside my body. The other night against the van pales in comparison to having his mouth on me while my hips work against his hardness.

I'm so close to the edge, I feel like I will lose my mind if he isn't inside me soon. Sensing my frustration, he pulls away from my breasts and focuses on unbuttoning my pants. He only gets part way down before he carries me over to the bed, sitting me down. The moment my ass hits the mattress there is a flurry of activity as we finish removing the remaining garments covering our bodies. In the end, we're both naked, I'm leaning back on my elbows and he is towering over me. Every part of him is beautiful and perfect.

I reach up to trace down his chest, around his navel and finally to his cock, taking it in my hand, enjoying the firm weight and heat of it against my palm. He moans deeply, the sound sending another wave of wetness through me. He pushes me up the mattresses, away from the edge, giving him room to kneel in front of me, my feet resting on either side of his legs.

He only pauses a moment, before he grabs my hips and thrusts into me, both of us groaning loudly at the sensation. I have never felt so perfectly full in my entire life. And then he starts moving, and all coherent thought leaves my mind. It just feels so...fucking...good. My eyes are clenched against the waves of pleasure that are battering me, each thrust causing sparks to erupt behind my eyelids.

"Fuck, Bella...it's...there are no _words_," he pants out almost as incoherently as I feel. I can't even respond with anything more than a vigorous nod of my head - I have completely lost my ability to speak.

I'm sitting right on the edge of what could be the most intense orgasm I've ever had. I can feel it like a heavy pull inside me, my muscles coiled tightly, I just need...something.

I find my voice just enough to whisper, desperately, "Edward..._please_...more!"

He smirks at me deviously before running his hand down my right leg to my ankle, lifting my foot from the bed and throws it over his shoulder. The moment he leans over me slightly, I can feel him so much deeper than before and my orgasm begins to swell around me. I start moaning loudly, unable to control the sound.

Leaning over ever so slightly more, Edward says lowly, "Kitten, I think you can do better than that." My stomach clenches in anticipation. His hand snakes between our body and suddenly his fingers are flicking rapidly across my clit.

And I am thrown head first over the cliff. I am screaming his name, calling to God, and when words fail me, I'm reduced to indecipherable keening. He doesn't even slow his movements, just continues to thrust into me and move his fingers until my throat is hoarse and raw, and I am physically incapable of coming anymore.

I am completely spent, but I force my body to hold on for just a moment longer, giving him time to find his release. His movement speeds just slightly as his thrusts become erratic, his eyebrows pucker in concentration, sweat wetting his hairline. I see the exact moment that his orgasm starts, his face looks sublime, smooth and slack, eyes wide behind closed lids. His usual beauty becomes transcendent.

He's groaning my name and, somehow, it's never sounded quite as perfect as it does coming from his lips in this moment. He repeats it over and over, until there are no more sounds except his panting breaths and his eyes are boring into mine.

After a few moments, he lowers my leg carefully from his shoulder before rolling to the side of me, reaching to pull me into his arms. The feel of his lips gently pressing across my face makes my heart twist.

Eventually we make it up to the top of the bed, pulling the covers down and settle in to sleep.

"Thank you," he whispers as he pulls me closer, my back instinctively curling to follow the curve of his body against mine. The guilt I feel at his words is overwhelming.

HHHRtFHHH

Hours later, as he lays sleeping beside me, his arms wrapped comfortingly, possessively around me, I try to tamp down the panic that is threatening to return, the panic that shallows each breath and thickens my throat. It was just sex; I can do just sex. But I know that it wasn't, and I know that we can't go back from this. And I can't go forward from this.

I wanted things with him to be different, I wanted to be different for him. But they aren't, and I'm not. Tomorrow I'll force myself to remember who I am and why it has to be that way. But tonight...tonight I will pretend that this is real. Tonight I will give in and let him take it all away. Tonight I will be what he thinks he wants.

* * *

A/N: Sooo...did everyone make it through? What did you guys think? Kind of an intense chapter, I know. We're getting into the angsty part of the story and the next few chapters are going to be kind of rough. There are demons to slay and truths to discover, those things hurt and take time. It might be hard, but I ask you to please trust me, there's a plan and if I stick to it we should all come out on the other side!

~You're all my favorites and I love you all. Thank you for reading and rec'ing, reviewing, alerting and favoriting.

~As always thanks to **Kas90** for beta'ing, and **Sammielynnsmom** and **KrisScott** for pre-reading.

~We started taking submissions for the Pick Your Own Adventure contest today! net/~pickyourownadventurecontest

Remember, 2 weeks for the next regular chapter, next week I'll post an EPOV outtake of the first part of this chapter on the outtake story. I don't own anything! ~Kimberly


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: There's an outtake that comes before this chapter, it's the EPOV of the beginning of Ch. 13. See the outtake story on my profile :)

Riding the Fence

Ch. 14

EPOV

I am a fucking idiot. _Thank you?_ What the fuck is _wrong_ with me? As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I feel her stiffen in my arms. Of all the things I could have said, that is probably the worst choice. I mean, really, what am I thanking her for? _Thank you for curing this chronic case of blue balls_, or maybe,_ Thank you for not kicking my ass. _While both true, neither are things that should be said out loud. Probably closest to the truth would be, _Thank you for letting me see you vulnerable, even if it's only needing me in this way for this moment. _

When she doesn't respond, it becomes just one more thing between us that we aren't discussing, one more fucking elephant in the room. And even though here in my arms, her back pressed against my chest, is probably the most _right_ I've ever felt, there's still the nagging thought that this wasn't the way to go about it. There's still the doubt that what I want it to mean, what I wish it meant, is completely different than the reality that will greet me in the morning.

I force the thoughts from my mind, force myself back into this moment. She isn't pushing me away right now, and if that's all she can give me, then for right now it will be enough. We can't change what's happened, and tomorrow is coming no matter what I say. So, for tonight, I'm going to hold her tightly and breathe her in and pretend that things have only changed for the better.

HHHRtFHHH

Even before I open my eyes, I know that something is off. Bella isn't in bed with me, and judging by the coolness of the sheet beside me, she hasn't been for quite some time. I hear the sounds of pots being banged around the kitchen and growls of frustration. Sighing, I force my body awake so that I can get dressed and go face whatever's out there.

I walk slowly down the hall, stopping just outside the kitchen, and lean against the door frame to watch her. Her angry cabinet slamming continues and now that I'm closer I can hear the addition of muttered curses and complaints. I almost smile at the colorfulness of her word choices, but hearing her utter my name in the middle reminds me that I don't know how she's going to react to me this morning. And that thought, more than any other, hurts. Sleeping with her should have been about our mutual need for each other, not her need to hide and my inability to deny her. Waking up here with her should have been a relief.

Clearing my throat to get her attention, she spins around, surprised.

"Anything I can help with?" I ask hesitantly.

"What? Oh...um, no. I was, uh, going to make some breakfast. I'm sure you have to, you know, go do some things," she finishes awkwardly before turning around to face the counter away from me, busying herself with chopping something.

"Nope, I'm free all day," I say innocently, refusing to allow her to chase me off without a fight.

"Oh, right. Well, I have...things, stuff I need to do, so..." she hints without any subtlety.

I just hum in response, not giving an inch. She turns to me again, lips pursed, eyebrow raised, mildly irritated.

"Right, well, it's stuff I need to do alone, so you should go, and I'll call you...later."

I fight to keep my composure, forcing my voice into nonchalance. "You're kicking me out?"

She swallows thickly, refusing to make eye-contact. "No, no, you can stay, but I'm not going to be here...I have...stuff."

I walk softly across the kitchen, until I'm standing right in front of her, and lay my hands on her shoulders. "What are you doing, Bella?"

She flinches like my question was a physical assault. I watch as the uncertainty leaves her, and her face becomes stony and cold.

"You know what, yes...yes, I'm kicking you out. I don't do 'morning afters,' that's not how this works. I'm going to go about my day, and you're going to go about yours, and I'll call you if I want to talk," she says bluntly.

Fuck.

"I think we should talk now. It seems to me like we have a shit-ton of things to discuss," I argue, even though I'm pretty sure that it's futile.

She looks at me, her eyes hard and her nostrils flaring in anger. "Well, I don't. I can't think of a single thing that needs to be said now that couldn't have been said last night if it was so important."

God, this is going so much worse than I had expected.

"Don't do this. Don't push me away because you're scared," I try one more time at reasoning with her, but I can feel the whole situation spinning away from me along with my ability to control my frustration.

Her face contorts into a sneer as she spits out, "You wanted in, Edward. You wanted to see me. This is me, this is what I do."

Is she serious with this shit?

"Are you fucking serious? We've been friends for months now, and you have never been like this!" I yell as my anger finally gets the best of me. I have zero ability to control myself around her, and right now, that is making me almost as angry as the Dr. Jekyll/Bitch-from-hell turn-around that she's done.

"I didn't hear you complaining last night," she taunts smugly.

"Don't you fucking dare throw that back in my face! You tease, and you blur lines, and it finally erupts, and now what? It's freaking you out, so you're just going to shut me out completely?"

"I don't know what you want from me! I told you from the beginning that I'm not dating you. I made it perfectly clear that I don't fuck my friends. Well, we've fucked, and I'm still not dating you, so where exactly is it that you want to go with this?"

"So, that's just it, then? You get to make these decisions without any input from me? You get to just walk away because I want to actually know you? Because I'm getting too close?"

She shrugs unapologetically, saying nothing.

"You know, maybe you're right, maybe I don't really want to know you. Because I knew you'd been hurt, I knew you were scared, I knew you were holding back, but I was completely unaware that you were a coward. You're running away. And all because I'm asking for your trust."

Her face remains emotionless before she turns her back to me. "I'm not apologizing for who I am. I've never been anything but upfront with you about what to expect from me, Edward. If you didn't like the way we interacted, you were free to say something, but you chose not to. You had to have known that fucking was going to change things, yet you didn't choose to say anything then, either."

I don't respond to her, not sure what to say in the face of so much twisting of words and intent. Her point is technically correct, but the sentiment behind it is all fucked up. I didn't expect her to suddenly wake up and think that she loved me, quite honestly, that would have freaked me out, but I also didn't expect her to wake up and be..._this. _If I thought she was closed off emotionally before, this is so much worse.

Taking a deep breath, I turn and walk back to her room, and without another word, I gather up my shirt and shoes from last night. I'm warring with myself on how to handle this, part of me wants to shake her and tell her to open her fucking eyes, force her to acknowledge that there is something here, something worth pursuing, something worth risking herself on. Part of me wants to walk away before I get in any deeper, protect myself from her callous disregard.

I was prepared to deal with her hurt, her upset, her past. I was prepared to deal with her fighting to continue keeping me out. I am completely unprepared for her to throw our friendship away.

If she were any other woman, I would be done. I've spent months proving to her that I'm here, that she can trust me. I've spent months putting myself on the line for nothing in return except some fun memories and an apparently meaningless fuck. But the same draw that pushed me to keep pursuing her is pushing me to wait before I make hasty decisions.

I walk through the living room, pointlessly hoping that she'll stop me from leaving, but she makes no such move. As I reach the front door, Alice comes around the corner from Jasper's bedroom, stopping mid-step when she sees me. She looks like she really wants to say something, but I just can't hear it right now.

"Please don't say 'I told you so,' Ally."

She looks startled by this and then just sad. Wrapping her arms around me, she whispers, "I love you, Edward. I may not like your choices, but I would never want you to hurt."

Squeezing her quickly, I nod, kiss the top of her head and I'm out the door.

HHHRtFHHH

Every day that passes without hearing from Bella feels more final. It's been three days since I spoke to her last, and there's this gaping hole in my life that she used to fill. Without her here, it's easy to see that Alice was right about us. It didn't matter what we called it, we were dating, and I was an idiot to think that changing the label would change the significance.

I've spent an insane amount of time running that morning over and over in my head, trying to find where everything went so wrong. But the fact is that the Bella I woke up to was not the one I'd curled my body around the night before. The woman that greeted me Sunday morning was the one that Alice had warned me about - the cold, careless woman who has no regard for other people. _That_ woman is someone I would never have wasted my time on.

I have no idea how to get back the woman I've been friends with, no idea why she changed so quickly. All the questions that had been pushed aside by the distractions of our relationship are back in full-force. I'm truly shocked to realize just how effectively she's kept me at arms length, all the while making it feel like I was making progress. But I know no more about her now than I did three months ago.

I've spoken to Alice several times since Sunday morning, the tension between us completely gone. The first time she called, I spent the whole conversation bracing myself for her rubbing in that she had warned me months ago that this wasn't going to end well. But, in the end, she was as reluctant as I was to discuss Bella. Her subdued demeanor made me wonder if something happened after I left, but there was no way in hell I was asking. Things got easier when I realized that I was just as guilty as Alice in the demise of our formerly close relationship. She had discounted my feelings and intentions with Bella, but I had also completely disregarded her experiences.

Thursday night, in an act of desperation for human contact, I invite myself over to Alice's, bringing dinner with me as a peace offering. My lack of friends outside of my cousin only serves to emphasize how much of a fixture Bella has been in my life. Shaking my head, I force myself to focus on making it up the steps of Alice's building without dropping the plastic bags filled with styrofoam containers or the six-pack of beer.

I finally make it to her door, somehow knocking without any accidents. She throws the door open and ushers me inside. I barely have time to empty my hands before she throws her arms around me, holding me tightly.

"Edward, I'm so glad you're here," she says, her voice watery, while I respond to her affection with a series of awkward pats.

"I'm glad you let me come over too, Ally, but I just saw you a few days ago, it's not like it's been years," I tell her, trying to extricate myself from her grasp.

"I know, I just feel like things have been weird between us for so long...I've missed you."

I give her a small smile in return, letting her know that I know what she means. She clears her throat and walks into the kitchen, getting plates together. I get the food and move it to the coffee table.

"Hey, I found some pictures from when we were kids the other day when I was going through a box," Alice says as she walks into the living room, carrying the plates and utensils. "I put them in a stack on the desk. I'll get this dished out, why don't you go get those?"

I smile, wondering what the pictures would be of, and walk back to her office. Flipping the light on in the room, I look around, amazed that she can find anything in here. Contained chaos would be a good description, there are stacks of papers scattered about, in some system that probably only makes sense to Alice. But the pictures are easy enough to find, sitting in a pile on top of everything else right on the desk where she said. I grab them up and flip through them quickly, chuckling softly when I realize they're from the Halloween we were eight, dressed as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. Alice had threatened to tell everyone at school I still sucked my thumb if I called her pixie.

As I flipped past the last picture, I realize that I've accidentally picked up an envelope and I'm just about to put it back on the desk when I notice two things: one, it's addressed to Bella Swan, two, the letter is from a Kate Marcus.

I immediately begin to argue with myself. This is a gross invasion of privacy, I know that, the right thing to do is to put the letter back and walk away. Hell, it might not even be the right Kate. But I can't help but think that there are answers in that letter, something that might explain Bella's turn about last weekend - and if I'm going to be shut out anyway, how much does it really matter if I look at this.

Suddenly, Alice calls from the living room, cutting through my internal debate, "Edward, did you get lost? I know my office is a mess, but the pictures are seriously right there on the desk. Here, I'll just come show you."

"No, no, I found them, Ally, I'm coming," I shout back hurriedly, shoving the letter into my back pocket. I don't_ have_ to look at it, but this way I have the option while I try to decide the best way to handle it. _Better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. _If I'm honest, there's no way I'm not looking at it. I need answers, even if it's just a solid reason to walk away.

The rest of the night, I'm overly-aware of the envelope in my back pocket. The heat and weight of my curiosity burning against the place the paper rests against my jean covered ass. My mind is running rampant with speculations, and it takes all of my will power not to rush out of Alice's apartment. We end up watching a movie, though I can't even begin to say what it is about. My guilty conscious makes me twitchy and slightly paranoid, afraid that somehow Alice knows that I've taken something from her desk that doesn't belong to me. Though, technically, it doesn't belong to her, either, and the story of how she came to posses a letter written between the two women she despises most in the world is intriguing in it's own right.

Finally, an acceptable amount of time passes, and I can make my way home. As soon as I walk through the front door, I pull the letter out, holding the paper in my hands, rubbing my fingers over the smooth surface of the envelope. It's slightly warm from being in my pocket, and I stare at the unassuming handwriting on the front, suddenly nervous about what I'm going to find inside. It could be the missing puzzle piece I've been looking for, or it could be a dead end. I'm honestly not sure I can deal with a dead end at this point. I need something, anything, to help me understand the other morning, to explain why she is this way, to ease the ache that's resided in my chest since I left her apartment.

I force myself to set the envelope down on my nightstand and go take a shower, trying to calm my nerves and look at this situation objectively. I need to be prepared for whatever I find inside, I need to be prepared for the possibility that what I learn might mean that there is no hope for Bella and I. I also need to be prepared for finding nothing and all this build-up and anticipation will have been pointless.

Stepping into the hot spray, I wet my hair, letting the water cascade over my body, taking with it some of the tension in my muscles. My mind is a jumbled mess of partial thoughts and half-formed fears, but one thing pervades above all else - the image of Bella spread out beneath me, her face tensed in a look of sheer pleasure. Pleasure _I_ was giving her. I groan at the memory of being inside of her. Never have I ever felt anything that intensely perfect. My gut twists uncomfortably with the knowledge I may never get to feel it again.

I realize I've taken my hard cock in my hand, gripping the base firmly, pulling my hand up along the shaft and palming the head as images of Bella in various stages of undress flip through my mind like an erotic slide show. As my mind reveals more and more of her skin to me, I stroke faster, my hips thrusting my cock harder into my hand. I'm right on the edge, so close to fucking coming, and I'm searching for an image to finish to, when out of nowhere I'm inundated with a scene that has no ground in reality.

_Bella, laying beneath me, my arms wrapped around her back and her legs wrapped around my hips as I thrust into her; her mouth right at my ear and she's murmuring unintelligibly. The words I'm finally able to understand are the words that precipitate my release: her whispering, "Fuck, I love you."_

My orgasm explodes through my body as I yell her name. My free hand slaps against the tile of the shower wall in front of me, and I lean over with the force of my release. I pulse into my palm and watch as my come swirls down the drain with the water. I'm not sure how long I stand there, just watching the water dripping and rushing along the bottom of the tub, my mind completely blank. I have never felt quite this _empty_ before, and it's an unsettling feeling. Of course, I've jerked off thinking of her, thinking of all the things I've wanted to do to her, all the ways I wanted to see her body, but this is the first time I've done it _knowing_ what it feels like to be inside of her- and knowing what I'm missing. Finally, the water runs cold, forcing me to move.

As I towel off, I realize that my mind is truly made up on what I need to do. Hearing those words, even just as a figment of my imagination, has made me realize that I want that with her. I want that chance. And that means that I'm going to have to find answers, find a way behind her walls, hoping that the ends justify the means.

I slip on a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt, picking up the letter and sit on my bed, leaning back against the headboard. The cancellation date on the stamp is for almost three years ago, somehow that eases a bit of the guilt that is churning in my stomach. At least this is in the past. I take a deep, steadying breath and pull apart the opened seam of the envelop, extracting a sheet of lined notebook paper that was hastily folded into uneven thirds. Gently, I unfold the paper, smoothing the creases before allowing myself to focus on the written words.

_Dear Bella,_

_I know you are hurt, and I truly am sorry about that. I assume by your refusal to answer my letters that you're still angry with me. Please believe me that it was never my intent to hurt you. It all happened so fast, and it was the only way I could see for us to be together. I know now that it was a stupid thing to do, but at the time it was truly the only way out that I could find. You have to know that I did it for us, baby. I love you, so, so much. _

_You know, the only thing that gets me through the day in this place is thoughts of you. Remembering making love to you, thinking about all the plans we had, our future together. I still want that; I want it all._

_Please, I'm begging you, write back and tell me you don't hate me, tell me we can work through this. Please._

_All my love,_

_Kate_

Love.

Kate _loved_ Bella. Kate wasn't just some friend, she was _more _- _they_ were more. And Kate broke Bella. Fuck.

* * *

A/N: I'm sure Bella isn't anyone's favorite person right now, but keep in mind how messed up she is. And at least Edward has some answers now, even if he did kind of a shitty thing by going behind her back to get them. My estimate is about 2.5 more chapters of angst before things start getting better, so hang tight!

All those words of love that I've said in the past? I mean those to the grillionth power. The response the last two weeks has blown me away- I've never seen this many people reading one of my stories before and I just want you to know that I appreciate every single one of you.

Thanks to the ladies at the Twitarded blog for the rec- you all have some amazing readers who showed up in droves! That was an insane couple of days of alerts, lol.

RtF was nom'd twice for the Inspired Fan Fic award for "Best Sexual Tension, 1K reviews" and voting is open now - if you're into that sort of thing! inspiredfanficawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com Thanks to whoever nom'd it!

Rec this week is for some pure fluff to wash down all this angst. Very, very cute (and effing hot) story about a Southern Edward- a boy after my very own GRITS (Girl Raised In The South) heart :) **Cotton Creek by rtgirl**

There's an smutty, dirty threesome outtake of RtF on the Fandom Against Domestic Violence compilation. Details at **fandomagainstdomesticviolence. blogspot. com**

My girls earned their keep this week and saved this chapter from being a hot mess, so thanks to **Kas90**, **Sammielynnsmom**, and **KrisScott** for all their help!

I still own nothing, though I'm betting y'all wish I owned a mute button after this epic a/n :) Until next week ~Kimberly


	15. Chapter 15

Riding the Fence

Ch. 15

BPOV (Part 1)

_"You know, maybe you're right, maybe I don't really want to know you. Because I knew you'd been hurt, I knew you were scared, I knew you were holding back, but I was completely unaware that you were a coward. You're running away. And all because I'm asking for your trust."_

The pain from his words settles low in my stomach, churning away. I refuse to let him see how he's effecting me. I just need him to go, and so I say whatever it takes.

He leaves the kitchen, going back to my bedroom, presumably in search of the rest of his clothes and returns a few minutes later. I keep my back turned as I listen to him walk across the living room towards the front door. It takes everything I have not to call for him, to tell him that I've made a mistake, that he's more than worth the risk. But remembering the pain of being betrayed by Kate, I know that nothing is worth the risk of ever hurting like that again, not even him. He has the ability to completely ruin me, to finish the job that she started, and I can't let him. I won't.

There's the brief, hushed, murmur of his and Alice's voices, then the front door opens, and he's gone. I stand in a daze at the kitchen, wondering how we got here, how everything went so badly, so quickly. I try to tell myself that I never promised him anything; I made it clear that we would never be more. I set rules and drew lines, careful constructs to keep us from falling over the edge into the place we are now. I tried to tell him that I could never give him more, because I have nothing more to give. Is it really my fault he didn't listen?

Except that I know it is, because every kiss, every touch, every 2 A.M. phone call was an assurance that I could one day let him in and lower the walls around me. But it was all a lie. I let us both believe that if we just didn't call it was it was then neither of us would get hurt. But seeing the look on his face when I threw his words back at him, god that hurt so fucking much. And the pain that seared through my body when he said he didn't want to know me fucking hurt, too.

Escalating shouts coming from Jasper's room disrupt my thoughts. I'm sure that Alice is throwing a temper-tantrum, because god-fucking-forbid shit happens without her at the center. I escape to my room, hoping to avoid a confrontation right now. I already know the charges she would level at me, and I have no answers. And if I can't face him, the one who actually deserves an explanation, then I sure as hell am not going to deal with her. She never once stopped to ask questions before making sweeping judgments and turning her back.

The glass from the picture frame is still laying on the floor, twinkling in the morning sunlight. It seems impossible that it's still so early in the day; I feel like I've lived through several days in just the hour since Edward woke up. Keeping my focus on the task at hand, I finally get the glass swept up. I run a damp cloth over the wood floor to check for any errant shards and I realize that only fifteen minutes have passed. The effort it takes to keep the images from last night from overwhelming me makes the time tick by slowly.

His scent permeates the room, settling on everything, taking up residence like it belongs here, as if catching breaths of his spicy-sweetness were the most natural thing in the world and not the gut-wrenching reminder of all that I cannot have. Growling in frustration, I begin stripping the bed, intent on washing him off my sheets, refusing to let my senses indulge in what never should have happened. If I'm going to force him away and keep him out, the least I can do is not take any pleasure, or find any comfort, in the memory.

Once the washer begins the job of removing the traces of him from my life, I fall back onto my naked bed, completely lost. This has to be the right thing to do, it's the only thing I know, the only way I've survived the last three years.

Yet, somehow, this time it makes me almost unbearably sad and empty to keep him out. And my anger at Kate flairs anew. I want to remember what it's like to have a heart to give; I want to remember the feeling of being open with another person. I want to know what it would be like to have that with him. It's just something else that she's stolen from me.

I feel the self-pitying tears prick behind my eyes, and I scrub my hands across my face to keep them at bay. I am not this girl. I won't cry over things that cannot be changed.

There's a knock on the door, and Jasper's head pokes into the room without waiting for a response. Looking around, he seems to relax a little, seeing that this time didn't end in destruction. I want to roll my eyes at him and tell him I've learned something in the last three years. He should know by now that I am an expert at covering my emotions and keeping them guarded and impotent.

"How are you doing, B?" he asks quietly, sitting next to me on the bed, nudging my leg with his knee in a gesture of friendly comfort.

I shrug. "I've been better. I could ask the same of you. And how the fuck did you hear about her release?"

He chuckles. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you," he says in a bad Eastern European accent. I roll my eyes.

"Garrett called me. He...keeps an eye on her for me. There's some database or something, I don't know."

I nod in understanding, but don't comment. It's so weird to me that someone we knew back then is all grown up and moved on, only doing a favor to the people who knew him before he was a lawyer in a glass office downtown. It's odd that someone who was there, who knew us, made it out unscathed, when my and Jasper's lives were almost completely derailed by what happened.

"Did he say how long," my voice cracks, so I clear my throat lightly before continuing, "how long before she's out?"

"He didn't have the exact date. He said if he had to guess, it would be a couple of months. So, not right away, at least."

Some of the stress eases in my stomach, at least I have some time to prepare myself.

"So how are_ you_ doing, J?"

He sighs heavily, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "I'm doing okay, really. I made my peace with the shit a long time ago. I have no desire to ever see Kate again, but there's nothing left for me to be angry over. I made my own mistakes, no one made them for me. I learned, and I moved on. I hate what she did to you, though; I hate that you had to..." he pauses suddenly, like his verbal filter has just engaged. "Well, I hate how it effected you and that you're having a hard time moving past it."

I turn my upper body in his arms to face him, tilting my head to make eye contact. "No, you were going to say something else. You hate that I had to what?"

His eyebrows furrow in thought as he considers his words. "I hate that you had to close yourself off like this."

"Yeah," I sigh, closing my eyes. He's not wrong, and we both know it; there's no point in arguing. He shifts beside me, unsettled, like he's trying to figure out how to say something I don't what to hear.

"Especially when it's someone who has given you every reason to give him a chance," he says quietly, trying to sooth my defensive reaction before it happens.

Taking a deep breath, I force down the anger he's expecting. "So, you agree with Alice, then?"

"B, how would you know what her opinion is? You both refuse to talk!"

"That's not my fault! She's never given me a chance!" I say, pursing my lips in anger.

"I'm just saying that you can't make assumptions about what she's saying - and before you ask, I tell her the same thing." I can hear the annoyance in his tone, but it doesn't stop me from huffing my own frustration.

"Fine, yes, she's pissed as I'm sure you heard earlier. He's her family, and you...aren't being careful with him! Bella, I can't fault her for being angry over that. If it were you, fuck, when it was you, I felt the same way!"

"I never lied to him," I say unconvincingly. I could jump all over the shit with Alice, but he and I have been over and over it, and what it comes down to is that it's not fair to put Jasper in the middle. I'm almost certain that she and I are going to be having some words in the not too distant future. I feel a small, malicious smile tug at the corners of my mouth...that is one confrontation that I am itching for.

"Maybe not outright, but lies of omission are still lies," he gently replies.

"How did you do it? How did you get over what she did? I can't even think about her without feeling like my lungs are collapsing underneath the weight of the rage and hate."

He squeezes my shoulder, pulling me closer so I can tuck my head underneath his chin. "Baby girl, all that shit sits inside and festers and oozes because you keep it closed up. You're gonna have to let someone in and let all that shit out. If you don't, it's gonna infect every last part of you until all that's left is bitterness and rot.

"You didn't do anything wrong by loving her; it's not your fault that she wasn't worth it. But you can't keep blaming her for your walls, at some point it becomes your choice. The way I see it, you know it hurts to hold it all in, but you're only afraid it'll hurt if you let it out. You might as well see if trying something new makes a difference."

The sting of unshed tears pinpricks behind my eyes, and I force my breathing into regular, stuttering, measures to try to keep myself from crying. "I keep waiting for it to get better, and it just doesn't."

I feel his chin rub against my hair as he nods his head, and there's the unexpected vibration of light laughter in his chest. I look up at him questioningly, but not at all upset - Jasper is notorious for laughing at the most inappropriate times.

"You know the definition of insanity, right?" he snickers out.

I raise my eyebrow and narrow my eyes in warning.

"Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

I huff out a small laugh, rolling my eyes at him. "Sorry," he says, looking only mildly abashed. But that moment of levity is all we need to break the tension.

"It's going to be okay," he promises. I really want to believe him.

HHHRtFHHH

I don't have to wait long at all for the fight with Alice to occur. Monday night, Jasper is in the living room with Alice watching TV. My phone, which I'd left sitting on the kitchen bar, begins chiming out Edward's ring. There is no mistaking that it's him, and Alice watches as I sprint across the apartment, desperate to silence the sound. It's the fourth call, and like the ones before it, I don't even think about answering, simply hitting the ignore button before leaning on the counter trying to calm my racing heart.

I walk back across the living room, intent on returning to my bedroom when Alice calls out to me, "How long are you planning on avoiding him, Bella?"

I halt in my tracks, turning around to face her. "It's really none of your business, Alice - not that that's ever stopped you before."

"It sure as fuck is my business! You're fucking around with him, using him just like you do everyone in your life. I tried to tell him, but he was so enamored with you that he couldn't see the truth! He was so adamant that you weren't like that with him that I started to believe him. And now you've shown your true colors. You wouldn't know something good if it slapped you in the face!" By now she's jumped up off the couch and is standing defensively across the room from me.

"Fuck you!" I scream, completely enraged.

She sneers, literally turning her nose up at me, "Not on your life." A look of disgust crosses her face, and I feel like we're actually getting to the heart of the matter.

"You know, you've been a complete bitch to me for the last three years. Edward is just a convenient excuse for this time. I think the real problem is that you don't like me because I fuck women!" I finally voice the suspicion that I've carried for the last couple of years.

"Oh, my god! Are you really that goddamn blind? I wouldn't care if you were fucking animals! I don't give a shit who you have sex with. My problem with you is that you're still doing the same shit you were doing after everything went down with your girlfriend! We almost fucking lost Jasper, and you lived with him and didn't notice that your own fucking girlfriend was dealing to him! You haven't changed; you haven't grown up. You act like your free-spirited, live-in-the-goddamned-moment attitude makes you so far above the rest of us. Here's a damned newsflash: you aren't. You are a sad, sad little girl who's so fucking afraid of growing up, that you still work as a waitress in a damned chain restaurant and fill your free time with empty, mindless fucks.

"I don't like you, Bella, because you are pathetic, self-absorbed, excuse of a person. I don't like you because of your role in the shit with Jasper. And I especially don't like you because you're playing a fucked-up game with Edward, and he's the only one that's going to lose!"

I am seething. "Yes, by all means, please enlighten me in 'The World According to Alice,' because you've always been so fucking good at passing judgments. But you wouldn't know the truth if it fucked you over. How the hell would you know about what happened with Kate? You never asked!" I scream at her.

Jasper is sitting on the couch, obviously torn about what to do, but I can't consider how this was effecting him right now. This is a long time coming, and for fucking once I'm going to have my say.

"Ask what, exactly? Ask how you could be so in love with someone who almost killed your supposed best friend? Ask about how she put him in the hospital, and yet you were trying to use your daddy's badge to get the charges dropped against her? Ask how you left him to fend for himself after he got out of the hospital because you were too busy being sad that the 'love of your life' was in jail?"

Apparently Jasper sees the menace in my pose that Alice is too fucking stupid to catch. "Bella, you need to calm down..."

But I cut him off, "Shut up, Jasper. I'm not going to hit her."

Alice's posture stiffens at my words, and she slides closer to him as I stalk across the living room towards her.

"You sanctimonious cunt!" I spit out at her. "You want to know what happened with my girlfriend? She loved me so much that she tried to send me to jail for what she was doing. Not only was I not in on it, I had no fucking clue that she was even dealing. My father was there trying to keep me out of jail! ME! And once he was done with that, I lost him, too. I couldn't take care of Jasper because I was too busy trying to remember why I should _live_!"

She looks at me incredulously and then her face turns smug. "If that were true, then why wouldn't Jasper have told me?"

"Because I asked him not to! I wasn't going to let you find out the truth second hand and avoid looking like the self-righteous bitch that you are! If you wanted to know what happened, you were going to have to face me!"

She turns to Jasper, stricken. "You kept something like that from me, just because _she_ asked you to?"

"Ally, I've told you so many times that you didn't know the whole story and you would have to ask Bella about it. You and I weren't together when she asked me not to tell you, and then once we were, I couldn't go back on my promise."

My first instinct is to jump in and defend him, but I realize that my involvement will only make things worse between them. Even if I don't give a fuck about Alice, I love Jasper and want him happy. So, I leave the room feeling bone-tired and defeated, retreating once again to my bedroom. But there is no sanctuary here, I am still completely overwhelmed with memories of last night.

I've dreamed of that confrontation for three years, practically salivated at the thought of telling Alice once and for all what I think of her. I imagined her face falling, her looking completely horrified and embarrassed at all the un-founded, nasty things she's said about me. I imagined her begging me for forgiveness.

It never occurred to me that the reality would feel so anticlimactic and empty. She was wrong, and I was right and absolutely none of it matters or changes anything. I don't want to be Alice's friend again; I don't care if she likes me. All our fight did was cause problems for Jasper. And I can't find any satisfaction in that.

HHHRtFHHH

Jasper is scarce around the apartment, and Alice is completely absent over the next couple of days. I spend as much time as I can at work, gratefully picking up whatever shifts I can in an effort to avoid being home. Every time I walk into my bedroom, I'm overwhelmed with memories of Saturday night and every time I walk into the kitchen, I'm overcome with memories of Sunday morning. I didn't realize just how much of a fixture Edward had become in my life until he was no longer present.

I've talked to Ange a few times, but mostly I'm avoiding thinking about it too much, trying to find comfort in my routine. For her part, she leaves me alone, knowing that pushing me before I'm ready will get her nowhere.

Thursday comes, and I've worked so much that Emmett insists I take the day off, despite my protests. I spend the day wandering the city, trying to find some place that doesn't remind me of Edward, which is fucking ridiculous because some of the places I go aren't even places we went to together. But I find myself constantly referencing him in my mind. Like a painting I see at the art museum that I know he would make fun of with me. Or the CD at the music store that I know he would die over. He's everywhere. And I know without a doubt that something has to change.

I walk into the apartment that night to find Jasper busy in the kitchen making curry. He looks up from his work and smiles at me. "Hey, B! You're off tonight, right?"

"Yeah...when is Alice coming over?" I ask tentatively. He and I haven't really spoken since Monday night, and I'm not sure where we stand or where they stand. Though, he's spent most of his time there, so I can only assume that they're okay or at least will be.

"Oh, she's having dinner with, um, Edward." He avoids meeting my eyes when he mentions his name. And I get it, he doesn't know if Edward is the new Kate, that thing we aren't allowed to talk about, the thing I refuse to deal with.

"You should have gone with them, you guys get along." I work to keep my voice even, even though my throat is tight, talking so casually over something that feels anything but casual.

Surprise is evident on his face. "I just didn't want you to feel like I was betraying you. He's Alice's family, but you're mine."

And just like that, I truly see how torn Jasper is, how he's trying to skate this line between Alice and I, not wanting to betray either of us. He's sacrificed enough of his life to me.

"You love her, right?" I ask him, even though it probably seems like an odd segue.

"Well, yeah, of course, I do, B. What does that have to do with anything?" He looks at me his brow furrowed in concentration.

"You're gonna marry her, have a white picket fence and some rug rats?" I actually smile at the thought of Jasper as a dad.

"Uh, one day, absolutely. What's this about? You're kind of worrying me."

"Don't be worried, J, it's nothing bad. Just...thank you, for everything you've done for me."

"Okay, explain now, Bella."

"I just realized how much you've given up for me. I mean, I knew on some level, but I'd never really seen it so obviously. You can't protect me forever, and you really can't keep putting me before her if you want to keep her. I don't like Alice, but, really, it doesn't matter. I'm not the one who wants a future with her."

He swallows thickly, not at all surprised by my assertion, nor arguing with me, and I suspect that he's already come to this same conclusion and has been trying to find a good time to talk me. A few moments later, of course, he laughs. "You aren't friend breaking-up with me are you?"

I smiled at him widely. "Bitch, please! You couldn't get rid of me if you tried! I'm not friend breaking-up with you, I'm...demoting myself," I finish softly.

"So, um, I'm going to call Ange and see if I can stay there for a while. You and Alice need to get things sorted out and I need to...not be here."

"You don't have to do that, I can just keep staying at her place," he protests.

"Honestly, I need to spend some time away from this apartment. I need to get my head on straight. Some douche told me I was the definition of insanity," I rib him, covering up the other emotions boiling just beneath this facade.

"You know I'll always be there for you, right? You're still my best friend."

"I know, and the same goes for you."

"So, you gonna be okay?" he asks.

"I don't know, I guess we'll find out."

* * *

A/N: So, anyone else feel like clapping when Bella finally put Alice in her place? I've been dreaming of writing that scene since the beginning, lol. As for our girl B, at least she's starting to recognize that she has to let go of her pain and anger. That's kind of a huge thing for her.

You may have noticed that this is labeled BPOV part 1 and that would be because Ch. 16 is BPOV part 2. She had a lot to say, so I split it up. Part 2 will post as usual next Tues/Wed.

~You guys, we hit our first **huge** milestone together! **The 500th review of RtF!** That is absolutely astounding to me, and I am just really stupidly excited and awed that y'all have been so generous with your time and thoughts! I feel like I should give you guys something to say 'thanks,' so, how about an outtake? When you review, leave me an outtake scene (any time frame except future) you'd like to see and I'll pick the most popular one or two and make it happen :)

Just to warn you, if we manage to get to 1000 reviews...well, let's just say I hope none of you are opposed to the idea of a live-in concubine.

~There's an smutty, dirty threesome outtake of RtF on the Fandom Against Domestic Violence compilation. Details at **fandomagainstdomesticviolence. blogspot. com **Last day to contribute for the compilation is 2/28!

~Love to **Kas90, Sammielynnsmom** and** KrisScott.** You girls are truly the best :)

I still own nothing (except this goofy grin on my face)! Until next week ~Kimberly


	16. Chapter 16

Riding the Fence

Ch. 16

BPOV (Part 2)

Ange agrees to let me stay with her for a little while. She's hesitant until I fully relay the blow up between Alice and I and the resultant conversation with Jasper. I don't believe for a minute that she doesn't know there's more to my reasoning for needing to not be here, but she doesn't comment.

Unlike when I stayed with her before, after everything happened with Kate, now she lives with Ben, and it's slightly awkward trying to coexist with him. But I'll take the friendly awkwardness of Ben over the painful awkwardness of Alice any day. So, less than a week after Edward left my apartment for the last time, I find myself temporarily living with them.

Ange is like a snarky, loving, overprotective antidepressant. She doesn't let me brood or sulk and makes it's impossible to spend too much time in my head alone. She puts an end to my moping during my second night here. Sitting in the quiet-dark of 'my' room after my shift at the restaurant, I'm trying to clear my head when there's a knock on the door. She doesn't wait for an invitation, she just opens the door, smiling.

"We're gonna watch _Monty Pythyon and the Holy Grail_. I'll even let you do the whole Herbert and the curtains bit without throwing popcorn at you," she offers magnanimously.

"I really don't feel like it. I think I'm just going to go to bed," I reply apologetically.

"Mmm, wasn't really a question. I was just trying not to look like the demanding bitch that I am." She grins at her self-deprecating humor.

"I really just want to be alone right now," I say, unable to crack a smile at her joke.

"B, you and I both know that you are the very last person who should be alone inside her head. You need fucking spelunking gear to get through the steaming piles of emo you have hanging around in there. So, come on, get up and be social."

I scowl at her, looking like a petulant child.

"Or you could always go back to your apartment. I'm sure Alice would be more than happy to let you stay in your room, alone, in the dark, becoming the Cat Lady of Seattle."

My lips twitch and her eagle-eye catches it, knowing she's already won. "I don't even like cats. They always look like they're plotting your death or at least your severe maiming. Sneaky little fuckers," I say, shuddering lightly.

"Damn, Bella, I didn't think there was any kind of pussy you were so opposed to." She smirks at me.

Shaking my head in defeat, I sigh and look at her seriously. "Fine, I'm coming, but the minute one of you guys' hands disappears under the blanket, I'm back here."

Patting me on the shoulder as I walk by her, she laughs out, "Challenge accepted."

I can only laugh with her, scrunching my nose up in distaste as we walk into the living room.

HHHRtFHHH

Things settle down over the next several days, and while the pain of his absence doesn't get any better, they at least don't get worse, which is something. And then I speak with Jasper on Friday.

"So you and Alice are getting things sorted out? Have you decided what you guys want to do?" I ask over the phone.

"Yeah, things are...better. We haven't really figured anything out as far as living arrangements go. I can't just leave you without a roommate, so we'll see what happens next, I guess," he finishes hesitantly.

"J, we talked about this. You're supposed to be making decisions for what _you_ want, not what you think I need. I can find a new roommate, or a smaller place, or something. There are options. You do what you need to do."

"Damn, Swan, eager to get rid of me, eh? I'm wounded! I bet you already have a hot chick waiting to move in!"

My chest tightens with his comment. There is no one, and it's my own fucking fault. I let out an uncomfortable half-laugh.

Jasper immediately begins to back peddle, "I'm sorry, B, I didn't mean it like that. I...fuck, I wasn't thinking. You know I have no goddamn filter."

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean anything by it," I say, cutting off his apology, which is sure to be more insensitive than his initial comment. We lapse into a slightly uncomfortable silence as we try to find anything to talk about besides what we really should. After a few moments, I mutter "fuck it," and ask what I really want to know. An uncomfortable conversation with him is better than an uncomfortable silence.

"How...how's Edward?" I ask quietly. This is the first time I've asked about him in almost two weeks. I can almost hear Jasper's surprised expression.

"He came looking for you a few days ago. I wasn't going to say anything because I figured if you wanted to know, you would ask. He was pretty upset to hear that you weren't staying here right now. I guess you still aren't taking his calls?"

"No, it's better this way, clean break and all that shit."

"If you say so," he concedes, but obviously disagrees with me.

"Just, could you guys, you know, take care of him? He doesn't have a lot of friends, and I do want him to be happy, even if I can't give it to him."

"Yeah, Alice has been spending a lot of time with him lately. I try to go with them when I can. Actually, we're having dinner tomorrow night. Alice is bringing a co-worker of hers. She finally got Edward to agree to come."

"Why wouldn't Edward want to have dinner with Alice's friends?" I ask, confused.

Jasper starts to speak and then stops himself. "Are you sure you want to hear this? I mean, I know you said you were okay, but, still, I don't want to freak you out."

"You can talk about whatever you want to talk about, J; it's fine with me," I say, pointlessly shrugging my shoulders.

He mutters a light 'fuck,' before continuing, "Um, Charlotte isn't just Alice's friend. Ally is trying to set her up with Edward." I feel like all the air has suddenly been sucked from the room, and it feels impossibly hard to breathe. I can't even move for a long moment. Finally I find a steady voice and am able to respond.

"Well, good for him," I say clearing my throat. "That's really great. I hope you guys have fun."

I have no idea why this scenario never occurred to me. I mean, obviously Edward isn't going to spend the rest if his life pining for me, but I just figured it would be after...something. I don't know, but not right now, not so close to that moment when everything spiraled out of my control. Part of me is happy that he's putting himself back out there instead of borrowing my hermit routine. But mostly I'm just angry with myself for taking it so seriously and letting him get to me like this, letting him turn my whole fucking world upside down. For a moment I think about being pissed at him, but, yeah, that would really be some fucked up shit - angry at him for doing exactly what I told him to; I'm absolutely not _that_ kind of girl.

"Bella?" Jasper asks, and I wonder how long I've been sitting here without hearing him.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

_No._

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Um, actually I need to go, I'm going out tonight, so I should get ready."

"You are?" he asks, obviously surprised.

"Yep." I laugh at him, though it sounds forced even to me. We say our goodbyes, and I end the call, throwing the phone onto the bed beside me and scrub my hands across my face. My mind is a mass of tangled thoughts. I have no idea what I'm doing.

HHHRtFHHH

Walking into the bar, I inhale the familiar smell of liquor, smoke and sex. It's momentarily disconcerting that my shoulders don't relax in their usual response to this familiarity. But I don't let the tension deter me. This is what I know. This is the way back to some semblance of normalcy. Setting my lips into a cocky, half-grin, I sway my hips across the room, surreptitiously scanning the room. A pair of deep blue eyes meets mine, and I quirk my eyebrow in invitation. I can do this. I _have_ to be able to do this.

A flash of guilt momentarily falters my smile, but I shove it away forcefully. Settling onto the bar stool, I order my drink. I turn toward the sound of someone sitting in the stool next to me and find the owner of the blue eyes is smiling at me shyly, her fingers nervously running through her chin-length blond hair. The dim neon glow sets off the white of her shoulders beautifully, and I can imagine kissing and licking my way across them, then down towards her luscious breasts.

Suddenly, she sticks her hand out towards me. "Hi, I'm Tia," she says, smiling hopefully.

Taking her hand into mine, I gently squeeze her soft, delicate fingers before releasing them. There is no electrical hum of attraction, no stomach-fluttering shock. There are no rough pads on delectably long fingers; my hand is not dwarfed and engulfed. Her hands feel much like my own: smooth and feminine. For the first time in my life, that feels _wrong_.

Steeling my nerves, I force myself to speak. I just need some practice to remember how to be this...and forget everything else.

"Bella. Nice to meet you, Tia."

The bartender sets my drink in front of me and turns to take Tia's order as I take several sips in a row trying to calm down. She and I chat for a few minutes and soon the alcohol is doing it's job, melting away the apprehension. And while I wouldn't say that I've hit my stride, I'm at least feeling a sense of false bravado that's better than the edginess that's plagued me since I got here.

We sit imbibing and talking about general nothingness, the inconsequential chatter of two people who have something else entirely in mind, but for the sake of politeness and appearances, pretend otherwise. Eventually, Tia makes the first move, reaching out to touch my knee to emphasize her point.

There is a subtlety between women, it's all almost-accidental touches and barely-there caresses; it's all in-ear whispers and sideways glances. There is no ass and tit grabbing, at least not yet. It's about titillating to the point of distraction and building a sense of anticipation. Don't get me wrong, a one night stand is still fucking, regardless of the genders involved. But there is an art to seducing another woman, and I am an expert.

Which is why it freaks me the fuck out when my body stiffens slightly when her fingers graze my bare skin. She feels me tense and quickly pulls her hand back.

"Sorry, I...uh, wow, that's embarrassing. I assumed you were, you know..." she trails off awkwardly, blushing fiercely.

"No, no, it's been a while. I was caught off-guard," I say reassuringly.

"Oh, recent break-up?" she asks.

"Uh, yeah, something like that," I reply vaguely, hoping she doesn't push it. I don't want her to know me; I don't want her to _want_ to know me. I just want her to fuck me. Reaching over to run my fingers up and down her forearm, ignoring the blank skin I wish were marred with suggestive words, I continue, "I'm just a little out of...practice."

She leans forward, her hand gripping my upper thigh for support, whispering in my ear, "I think you're doing perfectly fine."

Smirking, I look up to meet her eyes. They're catching and scattering the dim overhead light, sparkling with amusement and lust. They're very nice not-green eyes. Her hand purposefully slides higher on my thigh.

"Look, I hope this isn't too forward, but um, do you want to get out of here? My place is just a few blocks away."

_No._

"Yeah, absolutely," I breathe out, hoping the quickening of my breath passes for arousal rather than a dead-giveaway of the panic that is currently coursing through me.

I call Ange to let her know not to wait up for me. Her voice betrays her intense apprehension as she tells me to be careful, but I can't focus on that right now.

I offer to drive since my car is here, and I don't want to have to walk, even just a little ways, tomorrow. There's a kind of nervous tension between us in the car, and it follows us into her apartment.

"Do you want something to drink?" Tia asks, obviously trying to get us both to relax.

"Sure, whatever you have is fine."

She disappears into the kitchen, and I take a moment to look around her apartment. It's neat and eclectic but comfortable. I'm perusing her bookshelf when she walks into the room and hands me a glass of white wine.

"Vonnegut, Pratchett, Gaiman...interesting collection," I comment while sipping my wine.

I am completely off my game and unsure how to proceed. I want this, she wants this and somehow...I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm always in control of this situation, and yet, this time, I'm waiting for her to lead me along. Mentally shaking myself for letting my nerves get the better of me, I move to sit next to her on the couch. Proximity is a good place to start.

Once I'm sitting next to her, she turns on the couch, her hand reaching up to graze my cheek.

"Hi," she whispers.

"Hi," I respond, offering a small smile that I can only hope doesn't come out as a grimace.

"If you're uncomfortable, we don't have to do anything," she offers.

_That's my line_. I don't know how many times I've said that to women, it's a completely useless line. It offers neither comfort nor reassurance.

Instead of responding, I set my glass down on the coffee table before leaning in and kissing her gently. Her lips are soft and giving, just the right balance of fleshy and firm...but they aren't the right lips. Soon, I find my tongue in her mouth, and she tastes of wine and liquor and girl. My hands lightly cup her cheeks, and I force back the disappointment that bubbles when there is no stubble to scratch at my palms.

She is a beautiful woman, and in a generic sense, I'm attracted to her. But she isn't the boy who causes sensations in my body that I didn't know I was capable of, who makes me feel things I thought were dead to me, who fucking terrifies me. _Who has a date tomorrow night because you were chicken shit and ran._

Tia kisses along my jaw, down my neck and begins to suck along my collar bone. Forcing myself back into the moment, I caress up and down her sides before I reach her breasts, running my fingers over the fabric of her shirt, feeling her nipples pebble beneath my fingers. Her soft moan causes me to smirk.

"Bedroom?" I ask pointedly.

Without a word, she grabs my hand and pulls me down a hallway towards a closed door. After pulling me inside and turning on the bedside lamp, she's standing in front of me again. Her hands slip under my shirt to palm at my breasts. The minute her fingers touch my bare skin I know that that's as far as I can let her go. I'm not leaving or giving up, I'll push myself forward, but this will have to be about her. I can touch the wrong body, but I just can't take pleasure from this.

My mouth on hers becomes aggressive, kissing her deeply. My hands are pulling at her shirt, caressing her flesh, pulling mewls and groans of pleasure from her. Soon, we're laying on the bed, her body spread out before me, warm and soft, slippery-wet, girl. Her lemon tartness bursts against my tongue, and my fingers push and pull, coaxing her body higher and higher. My index finger finds the patch of rough flesh inside of her, and I begin to move in time with my tongue until I feel her walls clamp down on my fingers and her legs stiffen on my shoulders, muffling her cries and screams of my name.

After easing my movements, bringing her down from the rush, I pull back and look up at her. Her lazy smile and sleepy yawn are a relief to me; they mean my escape will be that much easier.

When I come to lay next to her, she looks slightly disappointed.

"What about you?" she asks.

"You sleep, there's always later," I whisper, closing my own eyes in feigned exhaustion.

As soon as Tia is asleep, I gather my clothes and quietly make my way out of the room. It's a shit move sneaking out in the middle of the night, but I can't stay here. I'm grateful that I drove so I don't have to call for a cab driver to witness my walk of shame or risk Tia waking before I'm gone. I briefly hesitate on where I'm going to go, but I'm pretty certain that my apartment is empty right now, and the thought of being alone with my own thoughts is not appealing.

With a heavy sigh, I start the drive to Ange's. I can only imagine what she's going to say. As quietly as possible, I open her front door, hoping not to wake her. My stealth is unnecessary; she's sitting on the couch, the flicker of the muted television illuminating her face as she turns towards me.

"Oh, you're up. I hope you weren't waiting up on me," I say quietly as I remove my shoes by the front door and stretch my toes.

"No, I just couldn't sleep. Quiet, though; Ben's gotta be up early."

"I'm just going to go shower and change really quickly. Are you gonna be up for a little while longer?" I ask.

She stifles a yawn while nodding her head, and so I walk back to the guest room that I've commandeered. The clean smell of the room is starkly contrasted to the pungent odor of bar and girl that clings to me. Stripping quickly, I let the shower warm for just a moment before I step under the spray and wash away the evidence of the evening. But the water does little to make me feel any cleaner or erase the emptiness. Instead, my skin is left feeling raw and exposed, and breathing the hot, humid air only emphasizes the hollow ache in my chest.

I throw on some sweats and a t-shirt, making my way back out to the living room. Angela is stretched out on the couch, her legs covered with a blanket. Hearing me come in the room, she moves the cover and makes room for my to lie at the opposite end, our legs resting alongside each other in the middle.

She gives me a sleepy smile, while she's obviously contemplating her words. "What are you doing, B?" she asks eventually. I immediately flash to him touching my shoulders imploringly, asking me that exact question.

"I don't..." I start, but she cuts me off.

"If the next words out of your mouth are 'I don't know,' I'm going to kick you, just so you know," she threatens quietly.

"Well, what do you want me to say, Ange? I don't know what I'm doing; I'm fucking winging it here. I just want to go back to the way things were."

"Fine, let me start somewhere else. Why are you _really_ here? I know what you said about Jasper and Alice, and I believe that's part of your reason, but there's more," she says pointedly.

The ache in my chest flares thinking about the other reason, really, the major reason that I'm here instead of at home: Edward. I lower my head, unable to meet her eyes, before taking a deep breath and replying, "I couldn't be in the apartment anymore. He's everywhere, and I couldn't stop thinking about that night and then...that morning. And he has a date tomorrow...tonight...whatever."

She hums her acknowledgment but doesn't say anything until I finally look up at her. "Why do you care, B? You don't want him. I mean, this whole running thing is working _so_ well for you, right?"

Pulling my knees up to my chest, I rest my chin on them and shake my head. "No, I can't get him out of my head, and it just...hurts. It's just, I mean, haven't I hurt enough yet? I don't understand, Ange. I don't know how to make it stop hurting or how to get him out of my head. Nothings working," I whisper.

"You know I love you, right? That you're my best friend and nothing will change that?" she asks.

I furrow my brow in confusion, though I don't know how anything good can come from those questions. But I nod my head in agreement, because I do know that's true.

"I don't think Alice was wrong..." she starts. My head shoots up, and I glare at her in immediate hot anger.

"Listen to me before you get your panties in a wad. It's my job to say the hard shit, remember?"

Gritting my teeth, I give a single nod, giving her unneeded permission to go on - she would say her peace with or without my agreement.

"She's a royal bitch, no doubt; I'm not in any way or form defending her behavior. But she's right that you're stagnant. You're so afraid to move forward or going back that you're just sitting still. You are so much more than just Kate's girlfriend or your parent's daughter, and yet when you lost that, you just...gave up! You had a future, Bella - things to live for, dreams to reach for, people who have loved you unconditionally. But you just turned your back on it all and let yourself harden to keep all the bad things out, but you're keeping all the good shit out, too!

"When he came into your life, you were _alive_ for the first time in three years! That day in the diner, when you told me about him...god, to see you so tied up in knots over someone, to see someone get you to _react_, I think it was the first time I slept peacefully in years, the first time I wasn't terrified that you were eventually going to stop trying at all. Do you have any idea what it was like to watch you petrify a little bit more every day, not knowing how to help you?

"And I wouldn't be doing my job, as your best friend, if I let you go back to that. You deserve to find love, B. You deserve to love and be loved. _You deserve that_. Edward gave you your spark back; he gave you back that thing that you've been missing for so long. You can't just throw that away and go back to what you were, because whether it was intentional or not, you have been killing yourself slowly, letting the life drain out of you one day at a time. You say Kate stole things from you, well here's your chance to take them back. And I don't know how it will end, I don't know if he's the one or if he's just a prelude, but you won't know unless you try...unless you stop running away. And even if he's not, at least in the meantime you'll be fucking living instead of just slowly dying!"

I sit stunned, staring at my best friend, trying to process what she said. I want to argue, I want to tell her to go to hell, tell her I have shit under control. But I'm so fucking tired of lying and pretending. I'm fucking tired of the effort to keep everyone out. Mostly, though, I'm tired of running and hiding.

I think about what Jasper said about the insanity of doing the same thing over and over, expecting something to change. I think about what Ange just said about dying one day at a time.

I don't think at all as I stand from the couch, muttering, "I have to go," before putting on my shoes and walking out the front door. Just before it closes, I hear Ange call out, for the second time tonight, "Be careful, B," only this time it's followed by, "I'm proud of you!"

The early morning air feels cool, clean and damp streaming through my open car window, it's obviously going to be an uncharacteristically warm fall day. The sky is barely lightening to the East, indicating that most sane people are asleep right now. For just a moment, I consider going back to Ange's and waiting until a more reasonable hour, but I know that if I let myself put this off I will lose some of this momentum. I am resolute in this moment after this night and this epiphany. Who the fuck knows what will happen later on when fears and doubts and the rest of my life creeps in to throttle my forward motion. I push the gas peddle, forcing the car to move just a little faster.

Finally making it to my destination, I park the car and jog up to the building, grateful that I have the code for the main door. After an interminably long ride on the elevator, I'm standing in front of the front door with my hand raised to knock. And I want to freak the hell out. I want to get back in my car and drive away and pretend I was never here. I'm scared out of my mind by what this all means, and where it's all going, and what's going to happen when I finally grow a pair and knock on the fucking door. But more than being afraid of what will happen if I knock, I'm terrified of what will happen if I don't.

A steeling breath and three quick knocks and I'm waiting nervously, biting my lip with my stomach in my throat. After what feels like hours, the door opens, and he's standing there, half naked and confused, shirtless, with sleep pants slung low on his hips. He blinks rapidly, sleepily scratching at the skin just below his belly. I forget to breathe for a minute. Fuck, he's more beautiful than I remember, even though it's only been two weeks since I saw him last.

"Bella? It's like 5am, what are you doing here?" he yawns out.

"I...I don't know," I answer truthfully. I have no idea what I thought I would accomplish coming over and waking him up at an ungodly hour. Now that he's standing in front of me, seemingly unaffected by my presence, I can't help but wonder if I made a mistake.

His brow puckers in confusion, and he seems to take me in for the first time since he opened the door.

"B, you look like hell."

"I kinda feel like hell," I say, unsure how to take his statement.

He suddenly seems serious. "Are you okay?"

I lower my eyes, shaking my head and whisper, "No, not really. No."

He gestures me through the front door, closing it firmly behind me.

"Not that it isn't fun listening to you talk in emo-riddles at the ass-crack of dawn, but I'm going to need something more concrete to go on. Last I heard you got what you wanted from me and were done," he says, obviously more awake now. I cringe. Fuck, he's really pissed. _Rightly so_, I remind myself.

"I miss you," I blurt out. His eyes widen in surprise, but he doesn't say anything. So, I continue on my filterless rant, "And I'm so fucking sorry for...everything. But, mostly, I'm just tired, Edward. I'm tired of running, and I'm tired of hurting, and I'm tired of keeping you out. I don't want to be insane anymore, and I don't want to die anymore. I don't know what any of this means or if it means anything at all, but I want to find out."

I don't realize that I'm crying until I feel his fingers on my cheeks wiping away my tears. I was so busy rushing out everything so he wouldn't stop me that I hadn't even realized he's standing close enough for that.

His only response is nodding his head. After a few moments of his hands on my face, and him being close enough for me to breathe and yet so, so far away from me, he finally speaks, "I'm fucking tired, too. I haven't slept well in...oh, about two weeks, so I'm going to go back to bed. We _will_ talk more about this later." And then he turns to stumble sleepily back towards his room, leaving me standing in his living room to stare after him.

I wonder what the fuck just happened and what it means. I guess it's good that he's insistent we talk later, but he just left me standing here. Am I supposed to stay and wait while he sleeps? That seems creepy and weird. Am I supposed to go home? That feels anticlimactic and...wrong.

His voice breaks my internal arguing, "Are you coming?"

Surprised as hell, I turn to follow him. He's already laying back in his bed with the covers pulled up in invitation. Luckily, I'm still dressed in my sweats and t-shirt from Ange's house, so after toeing off my shoes, I'm able to easily settle into the bed beside him with his arms wrapped firmly around my body. I bury my head into his chest, inhaling deeply. For the first time in two weeks I don't feel adrift; I'm grounded and safe, anchored to this moment by this beautiful boy and his baffling effects on me.

Though the ever-present current of lust and attraction buzzes steadily beneath the surface, there is nothing sexual about this act. He makes no move to kiss me or do anything more than hold me. I am exceedingly grateful for that.

He presses his lips to the top of my head. I feel his warm breath wash over my scalp as he whispers, "I miss you, too. But don't think for a minute that you're off the hook."

I nod in agreement before closing my eyes, drifting off to sleep to the gentle rhythm of his breathing and the strong, steady thumping of his heart.

* * *

A/N: Here's how much I love you guys. Not only is this the longest chapter so far by almost 1K word, but the last scene? That wasn't supposed to be in this chapter. It was supposed to fade to black with Bella standing at his door. But after the emotional roller coaster of the last few chapters, I just couldn't do that to you guys. They still have a lot of work to do before they can truly make a go of it, but at least Bella isn't running anymore. We'll have to wait and see if that's enough for Edward. So...thoughts? Ideas? Lynch mobs?

~The outtake suggestions pretty unanimously asked for a "what the hell did Bella see in Kate" scene, so that's coming. I'm aiming to have it up by next week, it'll depend on how easily Ch. 17 comes.

~**RtF is being featured on Indie Fic Pimp this week!** That is just...mind boggling! If you found the story from there, welcome, glad to have you :)

~Voting closed for the Inspired Fan Fic Awards, I'm not sure if RtF made it to round 2, they'll announce this week. Regardless, thank you to everyone who voted for it!

~As always love to **Kas90, Sammielynnsmom**, and** KrisScott**.

~Rec this week is **Red by 22Blue**. It is a very dark, angsty story. But god, it's so beautiful and her characters are wonderfully portrayed as real, flawed people. It's short and only 1 chapter left.

I own nothing. Until next week ~Kimberly


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Sorry for the delay, RL is kind of crazy right now. Two outtakes in lieu of a chapter next week, see the end note for details!

Riding the Fence

Ch. 17

EPOV

Two weeks. Two _fucking_ weeks and not a single word.

And then she's here, without warning, before dawn, standing at my apartment. I want to slam the door in her face, shut her out like she's been doing to me for the last two weeks. Hell, like she had shut me out for the three months before that, for the entirety of the what-the-hell-ever-it-was thing that we called a friendship. My sleep-deprived brain takes a second too long to convey to my limbs the desired response, giving me just enough time to take her in and to realize for the first time, I'm seeing _Bella_. Not the persona she projects, not the walls she hides behind. Not the cold, uncaring woman who turned me away that morning and has been pretending I never existed ever since.

She stands there looking so small and alone...and so fucking _broken_. I invite her back in, and she is contrite and hesitant, unassuming. She has no ready answers, and I am simultaneously pissed off and relieved. I want to scream at her and send her away; I want to fuck her and hold on tight, never letting go. I'm not lying when I tell her I haven't slept well in almost two weeks, and I'm honestly just too tired and jarred to even try to talk to her right now. But I am terrified that if I let her walk out of that door, I will never have another chance like this. And more than anything, I need to feel her in my arms and know that she's really here.

I have touched almost every part of her body; I have watched her fall apart in spectacular orgasm; I have kissed her breathless and wanting. And yet, her head on my chest, my arms wrapped around her sweats-and-t-shirt clad body, and our legs tangled together is the most intimate moment we've shared. It is the thing that convinces me that she is real. Holding her like this convinces me that whatever this is between us, this thing that holds me to her and refuses to let me easily walk away, is also real.

But I can't let myself get too comfortable, and so the warning about her not being off the hook is really a reminder for me as much as it is for her. There are things we need to talk about. There are answers I have to have. There are lines in the sand, and there are hard limits. I am no longer willing to let her hold me at arms length and string me along. Either she's willing to let me in, or I have to be prepared to walk away, no matter how right she feels in this moment.

HHHRtFHHH

The second time I wake up, the sun is shining strong against the window blinds, filtering soft yellow light into the room. My arms are still wrapped around Bella, and her head is still nestled against my chest; her soft, even breaths letting me know that she hasn't woken up yet. I take a minute to just drink her in, unbelievably relieved to just have her here with me. I feel like I can breathe for the first time since that awful morning. Even knowing that nothing is settled and this may be the first and last time I get to wake up like this, there is at least hope that we can work through this.

Our bodies are so entwined that it's impossible to tell where one of us begins and the other ends, limbs enmeshed and twisted in warm, comforting angles. Taking a deep breath, I memorize the feeling of her in my arms, the way her soft, warm skin presses on my body, the dark, feminine scent of her hair surrounding my nose, the thrum-rush of her pulse beneath my hands, the weight of her arms and legs against mine. Everything about her draws me in and makes me want _more_.

All too soon, she begins to stir, first it's just the gentle nudging of her body closer to mine, then the deepening of her breath until finally her eye lids begin to flutter. She doesn't move for a few moments, inhaling lungfuls of air through her nose pressed against my chest. We lie there peacefully, just breathing, and being, and memorizing. In this moment, we are a cohesive unit, fighting together against the coming conversation that will change everything or change nothing.

"Edward?" she whispers, breaking both the silence and the peace of the moment where we can pretend that everything is okay.

"Yeah," is all I can reply. It's not even a question; it's a statement, an acknowledgment of the fact that it's time to get up and move on...one way or another.

The chilled air of the room is sharp against my skin, mingling with our warmth that's released as we sit up, and the blankets are lifted and thrown off our bodies. This is the place we become her and I instead of her-and-I, us. Her with her reasoning and me with my questions.

Neither of us speaks as we go about washing faces and brushing teeth, silently fixing lunch since it's now mid-afternoon. Not a word is spoken as we pick at the food; there are only awkward smiles meant to reassure as the distance grows between us. I want nothing more than to pull her back into bed and ignore the world. But ignoring everything brought us to this place where we are now, where we are nowhere and we have nothing. Where there is no _we_.

With a heavy sigh, Bella pushes her plate away and leans back against the couch, closing her eyes. "I don't even know where to begin. Where do you want to begin?" she says, not looking at me.

I know exactly where we have to start, the question that has to be answered, the place this all began, long before she and I even met. But I know it's going to hurt her, and I am literally sick at the thought of hurting her, despite everything she's put me through. I run through question after question in my head, but everything, every single thing, comes back to one question: Kate. And I have no choice.

"Bella? Look at me, please." She lifts her head off the back of the couch like it weighs a ton, as if her thoughts are too heavy for her delicate neck to carry. Her eyes meet mine, shimmering with emotion.

I take her hand in mine, needing to be connected to her, needing some way to hold her to me when she pushes away. Because it is inevitable that that will happen. I know now without a doubt that is how she deals with things, she pushes them away.

"Tell me about Kate," I whisper, as if lowering the volume of my voice will soften the blow of the words. She tries to jerk her hand away from me reflexively, but I don't let go - not yet. She curls her knees up to her chest, her stuttering breaths the only sound she makes. She has her body wrapped around itself defensively, save the arm that stretches between us and her hand held in mine...as if I were her lifeline, holding her here and keeping her from falling into herself. What I wouldn't give for that to be true.

She makes no further acknowledgment of my question, and I call her name gently, letting her know that I'm here, I'm waiting, and I'm not giving up.

"Yeah?" she replies in a thick, soft voice.

"Kate."

"I'm here, isn't that enough for now?" she implores.

"No," I state simply. "Not anymore, it's not."

"What are you saying?" she asks. And here we are, all pretense set aside.

"I'm saying either you make an honest effort to let me in, give me something, or," I pause to take a breath and steel my nerves before continuing, "I can't do this again."

She stares at me, mouth agape for a minute before her jaw tightens, and I see the anger flash hot behind her eyes. "Fuck, I'm _trying_, Edward! I can't just...put it all out there. I came back, I want to try, but you have to give me time!"

"You don't get to do this, Bella. You don't get to spend three months pretending we have something, whatever you want to call it, all the while keeping me out. You don't get to fuck me, throw me out, and then ignore me for two weeks and show back up here with pretty words and tearful declarations expecting that things will go back to the way they were. I'm not asking you to declare your undying love and devotion here, I'm asking you to trust me and let me in. I'm asking you to give me what I've given you: a chance. If you can't do that...then there's really nothing left for me to say to you."

"So that's it, then?" she asks, her voice devoid of emotion.

"Yeah, that's it," I confirm resignedly.

I mentally begin to prepare myself for her leaving. Because that's what she does, and I was stupid to think that I could change that. I pull my hand from hers and don't look up when she stands and walks across the room.

I'm not paying any attention to where she is exactly, only noting that she's moving around the apartment, I assume gathering her stuff from last night so she can go. Until the slamming of a kitchen cabinet catches me off-guard, I sit up straight and look towards the kitchen. Bella has taken a bottle of Bacardi Citron and two shot glasses from the liquor cabinet and is walking back towards the couch.

I'm sure the look on my face accurately reflects my belief that she's lost her damned mind. She sits back down next to me, finally looking at me, her expression equal parts determination and fear. I raise my eyebrow at her in question.

"I can't do this shit sober, Edward. You want to know and are saying it has to be now. I'm not willing to lose another goddamned thing over her. So, I'll tell you, but god-fucking-willing I won't remember it tomorrow." Lining up the glasses, she pours some liquor into each, pushing mine in front of me before slamming hers back.

I watch wide-eyed as she pours another and drinks it in quick succession. Judging by Bella's desire to be shit-faced to tell this story, I can't imagine that I want to be totally sober to hear it, either.

After the second shot, she looks much more relaxed as she leans back into the cushions behind her, reaching over to give me her hand. It seems to take her brain just a second longer to catch up with what she's done, and she looks at me nervously.

"Is this okay? I just...this is going to be hard, and I need this," she confesses quietly, lifting our entwined hands up to emphasize what 'this' she needs.

"Yeah, yeah, that's perfectly fine, whatever you need to, you know, be more comfortable," I try to reassure her.

"How much do you know? Just so I don't have to repeat anything," she says, sounding surprisingly sober for the alcohol she's just consumed.

"Uh, she...Kate...was your girlfriend? And she did something that betrayed you, Jasper, and Alice. She's in jail for whatever it was," I finish lamely, the self-editing I do as I speak makes me sound completely awkward and unsure, which isn't actually completely off-base. It's a split second decision to not mention the letter. I _will_ tell her, I'm not keeping it from her, but I want to focus on this conversation, not get derailed by her potential anger at my actions.

She nods her head and starts talking, her voice shaky, "I've never actually sat down and told anyone this, so, I'm not sure exactly what will come out. If I leave anything off, it isn't on purpose.

"I met Kate at a frat party the summer before Junior year. Alice was out of town, visiting you, coincidentally, and Jasper was bored, so he dragged me out with him. It was this instant sort of spark, she just...consumed me. It was like I was drowning in her and didn't even care," she pauses to take another shot.

I try to tamp down the irrational jealousy and anger I feel towards this woman I've never met. And I have an almost desperate need to know if Bella felt anything like that towards me, because that's a pretty accurate description of the insane connection I've felt for her since the first night we met. But I force myself to keep quiet and let her get this over with.

"We were inseparable right from the start. She was everything I'd ever dreamed of, and I fell hard. And I think she did, too; I have to believe that it wasn't all a lie. We had all these plans, I was going to get my novel published, she was going to open a bookstore, some place where we could live above it. All these silly, idealistic dreams, but the intent behind them, that was the part I really believed in...our future." Her eyes are faraway, and there's a small, wistful smile that twists my insides. She doesn't say anything else for a minute, and I'm about to ask her if she's okay when her face turns stormy and she shakes her head and clears her throat.

"At some point, things changed. She would get phone calls and suddenly disappear. She was distracted and things were just off. She said it was a problem she had to deal with at work, and I believed her without question. In retrospect, I was so, so stupid, and I should have pushed for answers, listened to my gut that something wasn't right. But I _loved_ her; I had no reason to doubt her.

"I was so wrapped up in Kate that I completely missed the shit going on with Jasper. I'm sure Alice has told you that I saw it and ignored it, but I swear to you, Edward, I didn't...I didn't know! I should have. I lived with him for fuck's sake, but...it's not like I was looking for signs that my roommate was an addict, you know? I mean, we all did shit on the weekends, smoked pot, whatever."

By this point, Bella is crying, her face is tear-streaked, and I want nothing more than to pull her to me and tell her she doesn't have to continue. It's so clear how much this shit is tearing her up, and it's killing me.

"You can stop if you want to, Bella. I know that I asked you to tell me, but...it can wait. I really just wanted to know that you were _willing_ to tell me," I say soothingly, still holding onto her hand and rubbing the back of it with my thumb. She shakes her head and then scoots closer to me, leaning her head on my chest.

"No, I just want to get this over with. I don't want to have this hanging between us anymore. Regardless of what happens, you deserve to know why I'm so fucked up and exactly what happened to Alice and Jasper."

"You aren't fucked up, a little broken, maybe...but not fucked up," I insist, which only makes her cry harder.

"I am though, Edward. I really, really am." We sit in silence for a few minutes, my arms instinctively wrapping around her while my hands rub her back comfortingly. Eventually, she gets herself under control.

"So that night that everything happened with Jasper," she pauses, looking at me for confirmation that I know what night she's talking about. I nod, and she continues, "That night...fuck. Um, we were having a party at our apartment...not here, we moved here pretty soon after everything...anyway, the party wasn't insane or anything, but there were a lot of people. At some point, Alice found Jasper," her voice cracks, and she clears her throat.

"Um, and someone called 911. Things got kind of crazy, people were trying to clear out before the cops showed up, and in the mess, I realized that Kate had disappeared. I didn't really have time to think about it because by then the EMTs had shown up, and the cops just a few minutes later. Alice and I were arrested, Jasper went to the hospital. I remember being so relieved that Kate left before the cops showed up and she didn't get hauled in with us," Bella laughs bitterly.

"I tried calling her when I was allowed to use the phone, but she didn't answer, and I was starting to really worry about her. I called Charlie, my dad, because I didn't know what else to do, and of course he came down right away, but it's a three hour drive from Forks, so I was stuck for a little while. Your aunt had already come to bail out Alice by the time my dad showed up. Once he was there, I was released.

"The next day was hell. Charlie could barely look at me, Jasper was still in the hospital, I couldn't get in touch with Kate, and Alice just plain refused to speak to me. Once Jasper was lucid enough to talk, they questioned him, and he told them that Kate had been supplying him with Oxy for a few months by then. Which was fucking insane and mind-boggling enough...until my dad got a phone call giving him the heads up that I was going to be arrested in the morning for some pretty fucking serious drug charges."

She must see my look of confusion, so she clarifies, "Remember I told you he's a cop back in Forks?" I nod, vaguely remembering one of the only times she spoke of her father. "Well, his badge got me some...accommodations."

"Oh, right, that makes sense," I confirm, gesturing gently for her to continue.

"So, they called him, and I didn't understand what was going on at all, much less why I was being arrested for it. I mean, Kate was the one who knew the guy we got our stuff from, but it was never hard shit, you know? Anyway, they called us down to the station just before they were going to serve me with the arrest warrant and offered to let us listen in on Kate's questioning."

She pauses again, her hands shaking as she leans forward and takes another shot, offering me one, too. I can see why she insisted on drinking through this.

"I was watching through the two way glass and just kept thinking that it all had to be a misunderstanding, and she would have a reasonable explanation that would clear everything up. We weren't _those_ people. But Kate didn't deny the insane drug charges. And I was sick to my stomach that I didn't know; how the fuck did I miss that? But then...she starts talking about this person who was telling her where to go and what to bring, who was giving her the shit...me. She was fucking talking about _me_. She told them that everything with me was just a business arrangement, and we just fucked as a side benefit."

The tears are flowing freely down her face...she doesn't even make an effort to stop them. Not that I blame her in the least. When I read the letter from Kate...this is absolutely not what I expected to hear. I had suspected that she might have been Jasper's dealer...but the shit she did to Bella? Not in a million years did I expect this.

"That is so fucked up, Bella. I don't...I don't even know what to say," I say in an awkward attempt to comfort her.

She lets out a bitter laugh, wiping her eyes with her sleeves. "Oh, I'm not even done, there's more. I mean if you're sure you want me to go on? I know it's too much..."

I cut her off, my stomach dropping at the very idea of shutting her out, "You think I would send you away because you trusted someone enough to love them and got fucked over?" I'm staring at her intently, trying to read her expression to figure out why she thinks I could even consider that.

Her eyes drop down before they close and a look of pain flashes across her face. "It wouldn't be the first time," she whispers sadly.

I can only imagine how shocked I look. She wiggles out of my hands and leans her head back against the couch, keeping her eyes closed.

"My dad. I hadn't exactly been...forthcoming about my relationship with Kate. I knew it was going to be hard to convince him how much she meant to me, but I hated feeling like I was lying to him. I wanted to tell him, but Kate kept asking me to wait. I thought it was because she didn't want to feel guilty if he reacted badly. Anyway, he, um, after he heard everything Kate said, he didn't take it well.

"He told me that he was disappointed in me and I wasn't..." her words are cut off by a broken sob, I lean over to try to comfort her, but she puts her hand up to stop me, swallowing thickly before she continues, "I wasn't who he thought I was, and if I was this person, involving myself with the drugs and _that woman_, then...he didn't want to know me at all."

I feel like I've been sucker punched. Of all the things I could have said to her that morning, I chose that exact phrase, those exact words. I know I couldn't have known, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like shit about it.

Bella looks over at me with a small, sad smile, her eyes puffy and red from crying. "You didn't know, Edward, stop thinking whatever is putting that look on your face. That whole fucked up morning was my fault. You had no way of knowing anything.

"So, my dad helped get the charges against me dropped pretty quickly, since it was obvious that I wasn't involved with the really bad stuff they were accusing me of, before he drove back to Forks, and Kate went to jail. I haven't spoken to either of them in over three years," she pauses, looking over at me. I'm afraid to interrupt again, worried that she'll tell me there's even more.

"That's it," she says with a small, awkward laugh. "I know, all that's missing is Bruce Willis and a gimp for it to be truly fucked up."

"Jesus, Bella..." I trail off, completely at a loss for words. So many things make sense now, the reason that Bella kept me at arms length, the reason she refused to talk about her past. Fuck, just the fact that she's a functioning person is a clear example of how strong she is. I'm not sure how anyone could survive that kind of betrayal, and not just by Kate, but her father, too.

Bella is still sitting there, looking at me, waiting for me to speak, but I don't even know where to start. I have so many fucking questions, but none of them seem even remotely important right now. I feel like something monumental has just taken place, and I ache to touch her, to feel her in my arms, to silently say what my words are failing to: I'm sorry, and I get it, and I don't know what this is, but you can't leave me again.

Unable to resist the almost desperate need any longer, I reach for her, pulling her to me and wrap my arms around her. There is absolutely no resistance from her, and as her head touches my chest, her body sags, and I can feel some of the tension leaving her. After a few moments, she moves up slightly so that she's almost sitting on my lap, her arms hugging my torso, her head resting against my shoulder. I can feel the coolness of every inhale and the warmth of every exhale as it blooms across the skin of my neck.

When she finally pulls away, I feel like I'm looking at her for the first time. She's finally real and standing in front of me, completely open and bare. I have never seen her look more fucking beautiful than she does right now. She is intriguing and perplexing, she is sexy as hell and an epic tease, she is fucked up and broken, but she's also fucking strong and brave.

She is laughing at me. What the fuck?

That's when I realize that the alcohol has finally caught up with Bella, and she's trying to fix a stern gaze on me, only succeeding in a giggly, drunken scowl. Wagging her finger in front of my face, she clucks her tongue. "Stop puckering your gorgeous eyebrows, Pretty Boy. Yes, it's some pretty intense shit. But I've had all of the walk-down-memory-lane I can stand for one day. I'm going to have to politely ask that you shelve your inner armchair psychologist until later."

Somehow I wouldn't expect anything less from the two of us. I'm having some kind of epic, fucking moment over here, and she's drunk off her ass. Timing...we have it.

I nod in understanding, knowing that the moment will have to wait until we can have it together. And then I'm trying not to laugh as I watch her sway back and forth drunkenly while she's still sitting down. That does not bode well for any of the currently-vomit-free spaces in my apartment, which at the moment would be all of them.

"So, what would you like to do instead?" I ask.

"Well, I'm going to sit here and hold this couch in place. Why don't you tell me about your date tonight?" she asks, the corner of her mouth lifted in a smirk. I choke on nothing; I'm startled as shit. _A date?_

"What the hell are you talking about, Bella? I don't have a date," I ask her.

Narrowing her eyes at me, she replies, "Jasper said that Alice was fixing you up with some _girl_ named Charlotte. He said Alice had to wear you down, but you finally agreed to come." The venom in her tone is kind of shocking.

"I am, well was, having dinner with Alice and one of her co-workers, it's not a date. I texted Alice earlier to cancel," I clarify.

A look of relief crosses her face, and then her eyes widen and she looks slightly panicked. Holy shit...

"Were you _jealous_?" I ask her, unable to stop the laughter that comes out.

"No! You...that's not...I never..." she splutters before slapping my arm. "God, you're an ass!"

"Hey, no need to get violent now!" I tease her, smirking. She huffs in response, but I can see the smile threatening to erupt on her lips.

HHHRtFHHH

Later that night, Bella is once again settling in my bed, this time wearing one of my shirts. There wasn't even any discussion about her staying. When she started yawning, we both just went about getting ready for bed like we've been doing it forever. She's sleepy-drunk and lying comfortably in my arms, her back to my chest.

There's one question that's been circling inside my head for hours, and even though I know she's most likely too close to sleep to hear me or answer, I can't help but whisper, "Why _did_ you come back? What changed?"

To my surprise she turns around to face me, her fingers gently tracing around my cheeks, and sleepily murmurs, "Nothing worked without you there, nothing made sense." She barely breathes out the last words as she falls asleep, but I hear them...and I know exactly what she means.

* * *

A/N: So, she finally let him in and now he knows everything! What did you guys think, did he let her off too easy?

There's still a few more plot points to hit, but we're starting the descent towards the end. Like I said a few chapters ago, I don't expect this story to be longer than 25 chapters, possibly fewer. I feel like I have separation anxiety already (not just from the story, but from you guys, too!).

~I'm out of town for several days next week, so no chapter. But I'll post a couple of outtakes to the outtake story on my profile - the Kate/Bella o/t by Wed, and the E/B/V (dream sequence!) o/t from the FADV compilation on Fri.

~RtF is on the poll to choose the Indie Fic Pimp read-along story for March. If you'd like to go press my button, please feel free ;) Voting ends 3/14 www(dot)surveymonkey(dot)com/s/SH855PN

~Love and thanks to **Kas90, Sammielynnsmom, **and **KrisScott ** for all they do. Special thanks to **Fngrcufs, Mothermeow5, **and **Frecklesfiction** for answering my call for help on twitter and looking over a huge chunk of this chapter :)

I own nothing. Until next time ~Kimberly


	18. Chapter 18

Riding the Fence

Ch. 18

BPOV

The world that we manage to shut out on Saturday makes itself known on Sunday morning, starting with both Edward's and my cell phones ringing at an ungodly hour. If I didn't know better, I would say our friends planned that shit. His is Alice wanting to know something completely intrusive and inappropriate. Mine is Angela wanting...well, kind of the same thing, I guess, but I love her, so I don't feel the irrational need to cut her.

Finally, we're both finished on the phone. I lean heavily back onto the pillows behind me, groaning at the thought of moving from the bed. My head is fucking killing me as the drinking from last night catches up with me. Edward lies beside me on the bed, resting his head on my stomach.

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind for a wake-up call," he says.

Before I can stop myself, I lean down to kiss him on the lips, whispering, "I know, I'm sorry."

His eyes widen for just a moment before he smiles at me, brushing my hair back behind my ears. "It's not your fault that our friends have no boundaries," he reassures me.

Sitting back up, I wince as my head throbs painfully. Thank god that's the worst of the hangover seeing as I have to be at work in a few hours.

Hopping off the bed, Edward kisses the top of my head. "Go take a shower, it might help your head. I'll have coffee and breakfast ready when you get out."

The easy affection between us should freak me the hell out, but it really doesn't. I still don't understand what this is between us, but it's hard to feel anything but relief that we are able to fall back into it without missing a beat.

The warm shower does wonders, and the pain in my head is reduced to a dull ache. With the towel wrapped securely around me, I wander into Edward's bedroom and discover a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt sitting on the bed for me. The smell of coffee wafts through the apartment.

After dressing, I walk out to the kitchen to find Edward standing in front of a waffle iron, scowling at it with more hatred than I've ever seen directed to a kitchen appliance before. A quick scan of the counter reveals the carnage of his previous attempts at waffle-making; half-cooked waffles lay scattered amongst blackened ones. A snicker escapes my mouth before I can stop it. Edward spins around, and I don't even try to stop myself from laughing out loud. He is covered from head-to-toe in a pasty mess of dough.

He narrows his eyes at me, pursing his lips in annoyance. I try to regain my control, my face an overly-serious mask as my lips twitch at the corners.

"I decided to make waffles..." he trails off, gesturing to the mess.

I nod emphatically in acknowledgment of his efforts before squeaking out, "And then they decided to fight back?"

He calmly sets down the fork he was holding, his jaw set and eyes narrowed, as he begins to stalk across the kitchen towards me. Instinctively, I back up until I feel the dining room table behind me, but before I can move around it, he's standing in front of me, blocking my escape. A nervous giggle escapes me.

"Something funny, Ms. Swan?" he asks in a dangerously low voice, eyebrow raised in challenge. His body is hovering over mine, the slip of space between us crackling with tension.

Swallowing thickly, I shake my head. "N-n-no. No. Nothing funny," I stutter out and stare at him wide eyed. Fuck me, even covered in batter he _owns_ my ass.

Resisting the urge to lick him clean, I snake my way out from under his arms and back away slowly, putting some much needed breathing room between us. I realize that I'm panting and force myself to calm down. Finally, I get my breathing slowed, though my blood continues to buzz through my body. Edward walks awkwardly back towards the counter, and I realize I'm not the only one having trouble getting my body under control.

"Thank you for making breakfast," I whisper. "It's probably one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me."

"Maybe you should wait to see if you get food poisoning before you thank me," he says wryly.

I kiss his cheek, hoping he knows I mean it - it really is very sweet of him.

His eyes go wide and his jaw drops. "Did you just fucking lick me?" he asks, his face showing equal parts horror and lust.

Yeah, maybe there was a little bit of tongue in that kiss...but can you blame me? I mean, you have _seen_ his jaw, right?

Smiling sweetly, I don't give him an answer and instead change the subject. "Why don't you go get a shower and I'll finish up here."

His expression tells me I don't have him fooled at all, but he lets it go. "I'm going to take you up on that. I have batter drying in places that I can't even begin to imagine how it got there. That fucking waffle iron is evil."

He stomps off to the bathroom, and I get to work cleaning up and making new waffles. He comes back in just as I set two plates on the table. I've salvaged the best of his efforts for my breakfast, and he gets my uniformly shaped and golden brown ones for his. The look of pride on his face when I willingly eat the food he prepared for me makes the lumpy, cold pastries well worth the effort of swallowing.

All too soon, it's almost time for me to leave. I have to get back to Angela's house to change for work. When I mention it to Edward, he looks momentarily confused, though I know that he's aware that I'm not exactly living in the apartment with Jasper right now.

"You mean you _actually_ moved?" he asks, and his expression makes much more sense now.

"Yeah," I hesitantly confirm. I'm not sure I want to get into this right before I have to leave, but it doesn't look like I"ll have a choice.

"I thought that you just made Jasper tell me that to make me leave," he admits sheepishly.

"No, I actually left. After the fight with Alice, I needed some space."

"Wait, what fight with Alice?" he asks, this time sounding shocked.

"Oh, I just assumed she had told you. We had a...loud discussion about history. It's not a big deal." I know that's not going to be enough for him, but, fuck, I really don't want to have this conversation right now. I really can't believe that Alice didn't tell him; I had figured she would have called him the second I left the room.

"Right, I know that every time I have a fight with someone I feel the need to run away from my home to avoid them," he says, rolling his eyes. "I'm not buying it, Bella. What happened really?"

Several sarcastic responses sit waiting on my tongue, ready to leap out and distract him from this line of inquiry. But I know that's not the right thing to do. I promised him I'd try, and I'm guessing that goes for even when I really don't want to. Glancing at the clock, I realize I have about fifteen minutes before I absolutely have to leave or I will be late.

"You're right, there's a lot more to it than that. I promise we'll talk about it, but I have to leave in a few minutes and I don't want to get into this when I know I won't have enough time to explain everything. Would it be okay if we table this for right now? Just until I have more time, I swear," I explain, hoping that he believes me, though I know he has no reason to. In the past I would put things aside 'for later' and just never let them come up again.

He sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face. "I want to believe you, I really do. But I just..." he trails off.

"Don't?" I supply, knowing that he has no reason to trust me. I want to be pissed that he's doubting my sincerity about being here, but I know all about distrusting people who have proven themselves capable of hurting you.

"Yeah," he agrees quietly.

Looking up at the clock, I have ten minutes to convince him that I deserve a second chance, or a first chance a second time, or a second first...fuck, you know what I mean.

"I know there's nothing I can say to undo what happened two weeks ago. But I'm here now, and I promise I'll try...I _am_ trying. I'll do my damnedest not to shut you out again. I know I'll fuck up somehow, but I swear it won't be conscious on my part."

Pulling me closer to lean against him on the couch, he kisses the top of my head. "I know you are, Bella. Just the conversation we had yesterday is proof of that, but...it's going to take time, I need time. It wasn't just that morning that was so fucked up, it was our entire friendship before that. We danced around a label, and I never made you commit to anything. I let you keep me at arm's length, knowing that it was so messed up, but I was afraid you were going to decide I wasn't worth it if I pushed. I know you need to leave soon, so we can talk about this later," he says, sighing. "I do have one question that I'd like to know the answer to."

I turn in his arms to face him, looking up at his eyes, silently telling him to continue.

"So, you're back, and you're trying, and I need time to trust you, but...where do you see all this going? I mean, just in general terms, do you see us dating at some point, or do you just see us as friends? The lines were so blurred last time, I can't do that again," he finishes quietly.

I rest my head on his shoulder, hiding my eyes from him so that I can be honest with him without editing myself based on his reaction.

"I...I don't see you as just a friend. But you aren't the only one who needs time. I don't think it's a secret that relationships freak me the fuck out. Sex I can do, sex is easy. But _this_? This is fucking hard, and there's so much risk for both of us. I don't have a label. I can tell you that I don't want anyone else. I want to hang out, and go places, and do things, and get to know you, and give you the chance to get to know me. I don't know what to call that, and I can't make any promises for the future or where we're going. I hope that's enough for right now, because it's honestly all I can give you." My stomach is in a knot as I finish speaking; I'm terrified that he's going to say that he needs more than I can give him, that he needs promises and commitments and words of forever...things he undoubtedly deserves, but I can't give him that, not yet.

His finger lifts my chin, tilting my head so that our eyes meet.

"That sounds perfect for now. As long as it's just me and you and we're _both_ trying...that sounds perfect." He's grinning at me, and I feel like I've managed to say the right thing for once.

"There's only you, Edward. Just you," I whisper. I barely get the words out before his mouth is on mine, pressing against my lips sweetly. Neither of us takes it any further, there is no need for passion and heat. This kiss is full of hope and promise and forgiveness. This kiss is perfect.

I leave his apartment and rush back to Ange's house, barely making it to work on time. After clocking in, I find Emmett to get my section assignment for the day.

He looks at me like I've got two heads as I bounce on the balls of my feet, eager to get started so I can get home. He concentrates on the table chart at the hostess podium, writing my name over the sections I'm taking before he stops and looks at me again. The serious expression on his face startles the shit out of me. I believe we've established that Emmett is perpetually jovial, which makes his next statement both ironic and disturbing.

"Bella," he whispers, looking around to see if anyone is nearby. "Do I need to do drug testing on you?"

"What the ever-loving fuck are you talking about?" I ask him, startled and trying to keep myself from feeling offended.

"I don't think I have ever seen you this happy in all the years that I've known you. You're _bouncing_, Bella. Fucking bouncing! You called in yesterday without being sick for the first time ever, and then you walk in today grinning like an idiot. Either you're doing drugs or you've finally cracked. It's just...disturbing," he says, shuddering.

I narrow my eyes at him and hiss through clenched teeth, "I'm not on drugs, asshat. I had a good day yesterday and took care of some shit that I needed to take care of. I _was_ in a good mood, but thanks for ruining that for me." I whip around and stalk off, but the second Emmett can no longer see me, I can't help the huge smile that takes over my face. Yeah, even Emmett's fuckery can't diminish my mood, but there's no reason for him to know that.

HHHRtFHHH

Sleeping alone is weird and lonely in a way I never believed possible. My limbs feel too free and restless, like there's too much room to move and nothing to hold onto. It should be impossible that only two nights of sleeping next to Edward can alter my sleeping habits so permanently, but it's true none-the-less. I spend the night tossing and turning, randomly tamping down the overwhelming desire to call him and find out if he's as restless as I am. I finally doze off sometime just before dawn and am woken up a couple of hours later by voices filtering in from the living room. I think maybe I've lost my damned mind or possibly ingested the drugs Emmett was sure I was on yesterday, because I swear I hear Edward's voice.

Without a second thought, I walk out into the living room to find Edward talking to Angela. They pause mid-conversation and look up at me; Angela bursts out laughing, and Edward's eyes get wide, and his mouth hangs open. I'm too fucking tired to even begin to decipher their weirdness, so I just look at them in a haze of sleepy confusion.

"Bella," Angela begins through snorting-laughter. "When I said make yourself at home, I didn't mean that literally. Screw shoes and shirt, I require pants be worn."

Edward is still blatantly ogling me, swallowing convulsively.

I look down and actually fucking blush when I realize what I've walked out in - a thong and a small tank top. And then I yelp and run back to my room, not because I really give a fuck if Ange sees my goodies, and it's not like it's nothing Edward's ever seen before, even if he was acting like a virgin teenager looking at his first set of tits, but because I am terrified of Ben walking in and seeing me like this. It's awkward enough between us living together, there's no need to add that 'I've seen you practically naked' level of uncomfortable to our interactions.

I throw on some real clothes and make my way back into the living room. Ange has disappeared, but Edward is still sitting on the couch, looking slightly uncomfortable and out of place. He stands up when he sees me come in. I don't hesitate, walking over to hug him, loving the feeling of his arms around me and the sweet kiss he places on top of my head. I take one last deep inhale of his neck before pulling away.

"So...did you stop by on the off chance you could catch me half naked, or did you just miss me too much to stay away?" I ask cheekily.

He laughs, obviously slightly embarrassed at his reaction earlier. "Uh, all of the above? But also I was hoping that maybe you'd want to go to breakfast? I feel bad about the disaster that was breakfast yesterday, so I wanted to make it up to you. I was going to call, but it seemed too early, and I didn't want to wake you up. I've been up for a while; I didn't sleep well last night because...well, I just didn't. Then I got here and realized if it was too early to call, then I really couldn't just knock on the door, but Angela saw me parked outside and told me to get my stalker-ass inside before she called the cops," he rambles on nervously. He would probably continue on indefinitely if I didn't reach up and kiss his lips quickly, effectively silencing him.

"In answer to your question, yes, I would love to go to breakfast. I didn't sleep well either...I missed you," I admit sheepishly. He smiles widely at me.

I rush to grab my bag and put on my shoes, and we're on our way. He takes me to this hole in the wall dive, assuring me they make the best omelets ever. Despite his inability to make a waffle, I figure he's probably trustworthy to pick out a diner. We place our orders and talk about nothing important, just catching up and hanging out. Eventually we get on the subject of Alice and Jasper, and I realize that it's probably better if I bring up the fight between Alice and I, volunteering the information so that he knows I'm serious about wanting to tell him.

Clearing my throat and bracing myself, I say, "So, the fight..." pausing to give him a chance to stop me if he doesn't want to discuss it here, but he just looks genuinely interested, if mildly surprised that I'm bringing it up. I spend the next couple of minutes recounting my fight with his cousin, trying to stick to relaying the events instead of working to convince him that she's the world's biggest bitch. Regardless of my feelings about her, she's still his family, and nothing good can come from me being malicious. Finally, I'm done speaking, and I wait for him to say something.

"No wonder she didn't tell me, she was completely out of line and off base. I'm so sorry that she said those things to you, Bella," Edward says sincerely.

"Well, in fairness to her, even if her assumption about what happened was completely insane, she did have a valid point. I was treating you carelessly because I was afraid...I really am so sorry about how I treated you before," I say. Even though I've told him, and he's said he's forgiven me, I don't feel like I can ever apologize enough. "You actually have her to thank for me finally getting my head out of my ass...well, her and Ange, since Ange is who made me see that Alice was right."

"I had wondered what finally changed your mind. Thank you for telling me the whole thing. You really don't have to apologize anymore. I wasn't blameless about it, I knew what was happening and chose to say nothing. It's not like I was powerless," he says, smiling at me gently. I really don't understand why I spent so much time fighting against this and him.

HHHRtFHHH

The next few weeks are the same; Edward and I spend time together almost every day, and on the days that we can't, we talk on the phone. I sleep over at his apartment every few nights, both of us craving the presence of the other, even though we haven't had sex again. In general, the sexual element of our relationship has been set aside by mutual, unspoken agreement. There's still the same crackle of tension between us, and at moments it feels overwhelming, but beyond the occasional kiss and innocent touches, we don't take it any further.

I move back into my apartment after Jasper and Alice finally make a decision. He's moving in with her and will be paying to store his stuff here until they are able to buy a house together. That really works out perfectly, since a lot of our furniture belongs to him, but there's no room for it at Alice's place. It also means that, at least for right now, I don't have to find a new roommate.

Much to my utter surprise, Alice seeks me out the day that they come to move the things that Jasper is taking with him. I'm in my room, having decided that it's best to stay out of Alice's way and let her, Jasper, and Edward do what needs to be done. Jasper and I spent our last night as roommates drinking and reminiscing, laughing our asses off. I don't want to ruin that memory today with a tearful goodbye or another confrontation with Alice.

My door is open, so she only has to knock on the door frame to get my attention. I'm startled to see her, but I try to keep cool, not wanting to make assumptions - for all I know, she just needs packing tape. I simply raise my eyebrow in both acknowledgment and question.

"I wanted to talk to you for a minute. It won't take long, I promise," she says, making no move to leave the doorway. For the first time in a really long time, I can see a glimpse of the sweet, uncertain girl that I was friends with.

"Okay, I'm listening," I tell her.

"I just wanted to say thank you, Bella." She doesn't let the shocked look on my face stop her, continuing on without pause, "Jasper told me about the conversation you guys had and that you were the one that told him he had to stop putting you first. I...I know I was wrong about what happened with Kate, and I really am sorry for the assumptions I made. But, more than that, I think I've been so angry with you because Jasper has put his entire life on hold for you. He's stayed here with you and refused to move on because he was afraid of what it would do to you. And you just...took that for granted and let him. I was so jealous that he was in love with me, but you always came first. I can see that you've changed, though, and I just wanted to say...I'm not going to stand in the way of you and Edward. I know you don't need my permission, that's not what I'm saying. I guess I'm asking if we can call a truce, for Jasper and Edward, if nothing else."

She looks at me hopefully but hesitantly. I could question her motives, I could give her the shit she's been giving me for the last three years, but I don't. Not because I don't think she deserves it, but because she's right...again. She's a permanent fixture in Jasper's life, and I really hope that Edward is a permanent one in mine, and it will make things easier on everyone if she and I can be civil to each other.

So, I give her a small smile and say, "I think that's a good idea."

She smiles in return. "Okay, good. Well, I'm going to get back and help." Before she turns to leave, she looks me in the eye, pleading. "Just...please don't hurt him again." And then she's gone.

Alice and I will never be friends again, there's too much bad blood, too much time and too many misunderstandings. But after everything Jasper's done for me, the least I can do is get along with her. And really, I can't think of anything I wouldn't do for Edward, so, for both of their sakes, she and I can get along.

After that, things settle down, and my life is comfortable to the point that it's easy to pretend to forget that Kate ever existed, much less that she isn't gone forever. But just because I can push it out of my mind doesn't meant that it's actually gone.

I'm at work on a Thursday about a month after Edward and I had agreed to try to make whatever this is between us work. He had texted me earlier in the day, letting me know that he's making use of his shiny new key to my place and is preparing a surprise of some sort for when I get home. My shift drags on agonizingly slow, and I want nothing more than to be at home with him.

I haven't heard from him since his earlier text, which is odd because he usually texts me often when he's not working. But I figure he's busy with whatever he's planning and don't really think anything of it. Once my shift is over, I practically sprint out of the restaurant, willing traffic out of the way so that I can make it home quickly.

Bursting through the front door, I'm greeted with a weird silence.

"Edward? Where are you?" I call out into the seemingly empty space.

"Uh, in here," he calls from the kitchen. Walking in I give him a quick kiss in greeting and lose myself in the feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around me. Finally pulling away, I survey the kitchen. It looks like he stopped cooking something about halfway through, the pans on the stove are filled with food that is just sitting there getting cold, a pile of whole mushrooms sits next to slices on a cutting board.

I quirk an eyebrow at him, wondering what happened. I start to ask him if the waffle iron attacked again, but the sarcastic words die on my tongue when I see his expression. He looks worried and more than a little pissed, definitely not something I'm used to seeing from him.

"What's wrong?" I ask immediately, my stomach knotting with anxiety.

"Nothings...wrong. Not exactly, anyway. Do you need to shower or change?" he asks distractedly.

I do, actually, need both - desperately. But there's no way in hell I'm walking out of this room without knowing what's going on. I just shake my head, silently begging him to just spit it out.

We walk in to the living room, and he immediately pulls me down onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me. I melt back into his chest, some of the tension leaving my body with the contact.

"So, you had a visitor earlier today..." he trails off awkwardly. I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out who would have come by and caused this reaction. I can't think of anyone, so I wait for him to continue.

"Your father. Your father was here earlier," he finally rushes out. And it's honest-to-fucking-god the very last thing I expect him to say. My body stiffens, and I feel his arms tighten around me.

"I was in the middle of starting dinner for you...that was the surprise. I had my mom show me how to make chicken scallopini since you said it was your favorite. He knocked and was looking for you."

I interrupt him in a panic, "You didn't tell him anything, did you? I just...he doesn't get to know anything, not after what he did."

His chin brushes my hair as he shakes his head. "No, I would never do that to you. I didn't even know who he was at first, so I wasn't going to tell him anything, and then when he told me he was your father, I sure as fuck wasn't telling him anything."

"Thank you," I whisper, leaning back into his arms, needing his strength to hold me up as I process the implications of my dad walking back into my life after three years. I can't help but wonder what he thought of Edward answering the door. The daddy's-girl in me wants him to accept me hoping, that maybe having a boyfriend will make him proud. The part of me that fully understands just how fucked up that is, the part that's spent the last three years fighting to believe that his rejection wasn't completely my fault wants to kick the daddy's-girl's ass for giving a fuck about his acceptance.

Edward doesn't rush me, letting me take time to process what he's said before continuing. "He said he wanted to wait for you to get home, but...it just didn't seem right to spring that on you unprepared. So, I told him that I would tell you that he came by. He said he has something he needs to tell you, he wouldn't tell me what it was...I don't think he really trusted me. He said he just wants to talk. I hope that's okay, that it was the right thing to do. I swear I wasn't trying to interfere or make a decision for you. I just thought you might need time to process before you were ready to speak to him. He left me his number in case you didn't have it anymore, and he wants to meet for dinner tonight. That's why I stopped cooking, in case you wanted to meet him."

I turn and throw my arms around him; he holds me tightly to him, still following my lead, not making any demands or pushing me. I don't even know what to say, how to tell him that how he handled it was perfect, that he understands me in a way that no one ever has, not even my best friends who have known me for years. His ability to just _know_ what I need is...amazing. Three words sit perched on my lips, but until I'm sure, until I know that I'm not just in reaction to this situation, until I'm positive that letting them free won't freak me out, I swallow them down.

After several minutes, I pull back and look at him, kissing him gently, my hand caressing his cheek. "Thank you, really. That's exactly what I needed you to do. I can't even begin to imagine what it would have done to me if I had walked in here with him waiting for me."

"I'm perfectly fine with whatever you decide, but what do you think you want to do?" he asks gently, leaning into my palm still resting on his cheek.

"My father waited three years to finally decide to talk to me, he can wait awhile longer. Is dinner salvageable?"

"Yeah, I just need like twenty minutes to finish up. Do you want to go shower and change while I do that?"

I nod, hopping off his lap. Just before I walk off, he smacks my ass, laughing at the shocked look I give him.

I have no idea what I'm going to do about my dad, no clue how to handle his reappearance. I have no such indecision about Edward. I know exactly how to show him what I'm not ready to say, and I plan on doing just that after we finish eating tonight.

* * *

A/N: So, lots and lots going on this chapter. Alice wants a truce, Charlie wants to talk, and Bella is thinking of those three little words! What do you guys think?

~If you missed it, there are two new outtakes posted. One is a BPOV of her meeting Kate, and the other is the E/B/V smut piece I wrote for FADV. Link is on my profile!

~I wasn't able to do review replies when I got home from vacation because FFn is being fail. I'll try to get them out this time, but if you don't get one, please know that I read every review and am so, so grateful for each of them!

~Love and thanks to Kas90, Sammielynnsmom, and KrisScott!

I own nothing! Until next week, ~Kimberly


	19. Chapter 19

Riding the Fence

Ch. 19

EPOV

After our talk, things quickly become comfortable and familiar between us. I try to force myself to maintain some perspective and distance, to give her time to prove herself to me, and to keep me from falling too hard. But it's a futile battle. From the moment she says she's going to try, I'm all in, consequences be damned.

And the amazing thing about Bella is that she doesn't do shit halfway. When she said she was going to try, she meant it. Where I wanted her before, now I feel like I fucking burn for her.

The day after Jasper is settled into my cousin's place, Bella hands me a key as we're leaving her apartment. She's so casual about it, tossing to me, telling me to hold onto it, 'just in case.' I smirk at her, seeing right through her - it is just as significant to her as it is to me, maybe more so.

I kiss her fully and whisper, "I hope you know, I plan on making frequent and unannounced use of this key."

Throwing her head back in laughter, she replies, "I'm counting on it," before pulling me out of the apartment, allowing me to make use of said key to lock the door.

I immediately know what I want to do to show Bella how much I appreciate her giving me a key, and, at the first opportunity, I visit my mom. We make small talk about Bella, and she teaches me to make chicken scallopini. It's the first time I mention the newest developments with Bella and her growing significance in my life.

A couple of days later, I make use of my key to Bella's apartment, letting myself in while she's at work to get started on a surprise for her.

I've just finished browning the chicken and I'm chopping the mushrooms for the sauce when I'm startled by a knock at the front door. I debate on whether or not to answer; I mean, it's not like I actually live here. But when after a few moments the person knocks again, I figure maybe it's a delivery or something and turn off the burners and go to answer it.

A man in his late forties with salt and pepper hair and what can only be described as a porn-stache, is standing there looking at me confused. We stare at each other for a moment before I decide to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Uh, can I help you?"

The porn-stache twitches. "I'm looking for Bella Swan," he says gruffly.

I'm immediately on alert - what the hell is a 70's porn-star lookalike doing here looking for Bella?

"And you are?" I ask, doing my best to look intimidating. Something tells me that even though I'm a couple inches taller than this guy, he could totally kick my ass.

"I'm her father. Is she here or not?" he replies, narrowing his eyes in an obviously practiced look meant to be daunting. Honestly, it works pretty fucking well, too; dude is kind of scary.

Then his words actually register, and I realize that he's her _father_. And then I'm holding my fists clenched at my sides to stop myself from just decking him for the shit that he put her through, and for the fact that he just walked away when she needed him the most.

"She's not here right now," I state firmly, refusing to give anything away. I have no idea what he wants, but I won't let him do anything more to hurt her.

He continues giving me the quietly intimidating look, his eyes boring into mine. "Well, when do you think she'll be back?"

My jaw clenches in annoyance. Who the fuck is this guy to show up after all this time without any warning?

Crossing my arms over my chest, I return his hard look. "I don't know." Silently adding, _I'm sure it won't take her three years, though._

"Look, son, I'm trying to find my daughter. I need to speak with her about something important, so cut the bullshit and tell me when she's going to be back."

"With all due respect, _sir_, I'm not your son," I spit out at him, my anger boiling to the surface. "If you want to leave a message, I'll make sure to tell her what's so important that you finally deigned to speak to her." As soon as the words are out, I worry that I've overstepped my bounds with Bella, but I refuse to take it back; he has no idea what he did to her the day he disowned her.

"And who the hell are you?" he demands, his own annoyance evident.

"A friend," is all I say. It feels wrong to downplay the significance of Bella in my life, but I'm absolutely positive that she wouldn't want me to say anything more to him.

"Fine, I can see you are going to continue to be a pain in the ass. I'll just wait here until she gets home." I watch in horror as he makes himself comfortable against the outside wall by her front door.

"You don't want to do that," I blurt out. My only goal at this point is to convince him to leave without confronting Bella before I have a chance to warn her that he's looking for her. If I have to do it so that he thinks I'm helping him...well, so fucking be it..

He rolls his eyes at me. "And why the hell not?" he asks in annoyance.

"What is it that you think she's going to do when she gets home and finds you waiting here for her? If you're expecting her to jump for joy that you're back, you are going to be sorely mistaken."

"And what makes you think that I give a fuck about what you think?" he asks, his voice dangerously low.

"Because I've seen your daughter in the last three years and _you_ haven't. She is going to chew you up and spit your ass out, and you won't have a chance in hell of telling her anything - important, or otherwise." I can't stop the dig, letting him know that I know exactly what his history with Bella is and where my opinion of him stands.

He seems to consider my words for a minute. I can see the moment he concedes my point, his body language becoming infinitesimally less confrontational. "Fine," he mumbles, reaching into his pocket to pull out a business card. "My cell number is on there; tell her to call me. If she wants to meet somewhere else, we can have dinner or something. I'm going to be in town until Sunday morning. If I don't hear from her by Saturday afternoon, I'm coming back, and I won't leave without talking to her."

He takes one more opportunity to look at me intimidatingly before turning to walk away.

I close the door behind him, hoping that he actually leaves and lets me talk to Bella before he tries to contact her again. Glancing up at the clock on the stove, I realize that she's going to be home much sooner than I realized. I consider starting on dinner again, but I don't know if she'll want to take Charlie up on his dinner offer.

Leaning back against the counter, I begin to worry about how she's going to take this news. Things have been going so well between us that it's been easy to forget that it's all still very tentative. I don't want this to derail the trust we've built between us or to make Bella feel like she needs to hide again. She has been so open and honest with me since that night she came back. When I told her that she had to try, I figured it would mean we would have to slowly work our way up to where we are now. But there was no build-up, she jumped in with both feet and that is actually something of a reassurance now. Despite saying that she needed time to trust in a label, her commitment to building on whatever this is between us is more telling to me than any words or label ever could be. I still mean what I told her on our first date months ago: I don't care what she calls us, I just want there to be an _us_.

And if her father coming back into her life shatters that, if he negates all her efforts and pushes her back down again, I can't be held accountable for my actions.

I hear her calling for me, and I realize that I've been so lost in thought that I didn't hear her come in. I try to hide my stress and uncertainty, not wanting to bombard her the minute she walks in from work, but she knows me too well and immediately calls me on it. We walk into the living room and I pull her into my lap, holding her close, desperately wanting to protect her from this conversation and hating that I can't.

"So, you had a visitor earlier today," I begin, taking a deep breath before I continue. "Your father. Your father was here earlier."

I feel her body stiffen against me, and without thinking, I tighten my arms around her, trying to let her know that I'm here, and I'm not going to let her go. When she doesn't say anything, the silence becomes too much and I begin to rush through relaying what happened. When she interrupts me to make sure that I didn't tell him anything, I begin to relax a little, knowing that I at least got that right.

After I finish telling her about the conversation, we sit in silence as she processes everything. She lets me hold her, making no move to leave; she just sits on my lap, burrowing her face against my neck.

Several minutes pass without us speaking, finally she pulls back to look at me before leaning in to kiss me gently, her palm against the side of my face. Her voice is barely a whisper, husky with strain and emotion. "Thank you, really. That's exactly what I needed you to do. I can't even begin to imagine what it would have done to me if I had walked in here with him waiting for me."

I feel some of the tension melt away from my body as I realize that I've done the right thing. But it's her response to my asking about dinner that sends me soaring.

"My father waited three years to finally decide to talk to me, he can wait awhile longer. Is dinner salvageable?"

And just like that, I know that she's here and she's not going anywhere. She's letting me carry her through this and letting me hold her when things get hard. She's trusting me to be her strength.

The best part of all is that I don't think she even realizes it, like it's second nature, like it just _is_.

Half an hour later, Bella is freshly showered and we're sitting at the table eating dinner. Well, she's eating...I'm too busy watching her eat and trying not to bend her over the table every time she moans in approval. As she finishes her final bite, she looks up at me, grinning wickedly and winks. Fuck, she knew exactly what she was doing to me, making those noises as she ate.

She grabs our plates and carries them into the kitchen, leaving me staring after her. Her giggle from the kitchen breaks me from my stupor, and I follow her quickly. She's bending over the dishwasher, putting the now-rinsed plates in. Standing behind her, I pull on her hips, bringing her ass flush with my painfully hard cock. She moans lowly, slowly standing up until her back is pressing against my chest. My arms snake around so that I can hold her to me around her torso. Her head falls back onto my shoulder and she whispers, "God, do you have any idea what you do to me?"

Nibbling on her ear, I reply, "I can think of several things I'd like to do to you, Bella."

She turns around in my arms, and her mouth is on mine without hesitation. Up to now, we've both been hesitant to give any voice to this fucking insane attraction between us. But after my realization that Bella isn't going to leave, I'm done hesitating. I want her - in every way.

The feel of her warm, velvet tongue is just as amazing as I remember, and juxtaposed with the nipping of her teeth on my lips forces me to pull her body closer to mine and deepen the kiss. We spend several minutes making-out heavily, her fingers tugging at my hair and my hands holding her head in place, our bodies grinding against each other. Eventually, Bella pulls away panting, kissing and biting along my jaw and slowing us both down.

I look at her questioningly, wondering why she's stopping. She cups my face in her palms, staring at me intently for a moment before speaking, "There is nothing I want more than for you to bend me over the kitchen counter and fuck the hell out of me, but I think we should talk before we do this."

I feel like Pavlov's dog; despite having no reason to be worried, I am conditioned to react a certain way to what she's saying. The moment the words, "We should talk," are uttered, my mouth goes dry, my stomach drops, and my mind conjures up the absolute worst case scenarios. Bella laughs lightly, kissing me gently and giving me a stern look. "Silly boy, stop panicking, there's nothing to worry about."

Taking a deep breath, I try to calm my racing heart and force myself to relax. Working together, we make quick work of cleaning up from dinner. Before I know it, Bella is pulling me from the kitchen back into her bedroom where we go work quickly through our usual bedtime routine.

This is usually one of my favorite times of the day, the way we move with an intimate familiarity. I know that she doesn't mind brushing her teeth beside me at the single sink, but it freaks her out to have to floss with me in there, and she knows that I need a few minutes to settle into bed before I'm ready to hold her. I love the effortlessness of it, the way we work together without question or hesitation.

Tonight is different, though. Tonight there's a tension in the air; the electricity between us crackling and sparking as we rush to get ready for bed, and after what feels like hours, we fall into bed together. Instead of taking her usual place beside me, with her head resting on my chest and my arms wrapped around her, Bella straddles my lap, my hands resting on her hips, as I sit with my back against the headboard.

"Okay, this is going to be awkward for me, so just bear with me. You know I don't do well talking about the heavy shit, so I hope this is okay." She looks at me hesitantly, her eyes slightly wild with nerves.

I reach up to brush a piece of hair out of her eyes, letting my hand trail down her cheek. "Take your time, Bella. You can tell me anything, talk to me about whatever. I want to know what you're thinking - always, no matter what. And if I don't understand or if it bothers me, we'll just keep talking about it until we both understand each other."

Bubbling just below the surface was the absolute truth, the words that meant everything I'd just said, and more. But I kept them in, knowing that the last thing we needed right now was more complications; the last thing she needed was another reason to shut down, not after her father showed up unannounced.

She leaned down and rested her head against my shoulder, breathing out, "Thank you."

We laid there wrapped up in each other for a few minutes before she sat up again, looking much more resolute and determined. "Thank you for knowing exactly what I need with an almost freaky accuracy, thank you for dealing so perfectly with Charlie today, thank you for dinner, thank you for giving me time when I absolutely didn't deserve it. Just...thank you."

"You don't have to..." I begin, but she cuts me off.

"I do have to, though, Edward. You gave me a pass for three months of shit I put you - us - through, fighting against _this_," she says, gesturing between us. "You never asked for anything more than that I let you in; you didn't push for anything more than what you absolutely couldn't live without. You deserve so much more than I've been giving you, but you never questioned me when I said I needed time," she pauses, taking a deep breath.

"And that's what I wanted to tell you. I don't need any more time; I'm all in. Before we go any further tonight, I wanted you to know. I'm in this with you; I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to have to see Charlie in the next day or two, and it's going to be hard as fuck. I just couldn't do it not knowing for absolutely certain that we were okay, that no matter what he says or what he wants, that, at the end of the day, you and I are still us."

I leaned down to kiss her gently, careful not to let it heat up...yet. "Not that I'm not happy that you want to be my girlfriend, but even without that, we would have been okay, Bella. Nothing he can say can change my mind about you, about how important you are to me, about how fucking amazing I think you are, and how much of an idiot I think he is for shutting you out of his life. I'm all in, too, and anything you need, anything at all, name it and I'll do whatever I can to make it happen, I swear," I say ardently.

"Would you...will you come with me when I meet him? Please, I need you there with me," she asks tentatively.

"Absolutely."

I hold her to me for a few minutes, just savoring the feeling of her here, so fucking happy that she's _mine_. Soon, the air between us begins to heat up, our hands begin to explore less reassuringly and more teasingly, until Bella pulls back and smirks at me. "You know, there is one more thing I can think of that I need," she says as her sexy-as-fuck voice drips with lust.

I raise my eyebrow in question. "You, Edward. I need you." The deliberate grinding of her pajama covered heat against my cock leaves no doubt what she's talking about.

I groan loudly, needing her just as much. Our lips meet forcefully and purposefully, the electricity popping between us as we finally allow the carefully maintained distance to drop away. I feel like I could just consume her with my desire, decimate us both with the force of my need. And for several minutes that's what we do - allow the incendiary force between us to burn hot and bright.

There are dominating tongues and demanding hands, biting teeth and sucking lips. We are lost in the this tidal wave of..._want_. The need to own her, possess her, is overwhelming. It's the cry of her first orgasm that breaks me from the haze of base lust. I realize my fingers have made their way into her pussy and are twisting and turning in her wetness, and I have no idea how they got there.

Things between us now are fundamentally different than they were the first time we had sex, and I don't want to miss any of it, because this? This is the beginning.

As Bella lies beneath me, dazed from her orgasm, I slow my kisses and ignore my aching cock, which is pulsing painfully. She easily slows her own pace, placing lazy, warm kisses along my jaw. Her hands gently run through my hair, her fingers softly scratching at my scalp.

I push her tank top up and she helps me pull it off, leaving her breasts exposed to me. My mouth is drawn to them, and I pull her pebbled, pink nipple between my lips, flicking and massaging it with my tongue. My hand reaches for the other one, my fingers mimicking the movements of my tongue. If she tastes this fucking perfect here, I can only imagine what it would be like to bury my face between her thighs.

I begin to descend down her torso, kissing and sucking slowly, leaving no bit of her flesh un-touched, needing every part of her to feel everything I feel for her. Eventually, she's unable to take anymore teasing and her voice is reduced to desperate keen, wordlessly begging me to go lower. My lips reach the soft, wet space between her thighs, and the warm-tang of her floods my mouth. I once again lose myself in her pleasure, allowing her body to overwhelm my senses as I work her higher.

Her tugging on my hair becomes insistent, and I look up to see her trying to pull me back up towards her.

"I need you _in_ me when I come again, Edward. Please."

Unwilling to deny her anything, I allow myself to be dragged back up her body, where she attacks my mouth, moaning loudly when she tastes herself on my lips, which, in turn, causes me to groan. She reaches down, pushing my pants and boxers off my hips until her legs bend upwards and push them down to my feet where I kick them off. Her thighs fall open, allowing me to settle in against her. My eyes roll back in my head at the feeling of her wet-heat against my cock.

Just before I enter her, I pause to look in her eyes. There's no going back from this, no hiding. I want all of her, and I want her to want that as well. What I find in her face causes a lump to form in my throat. She is lying open before me, completely without pretense, no part of her hidden. She wants this...she wants _me_.

I rest my forehead against hers and push inside of her. It's exactly like I remember and so much more. Physically, her body still feels just as fucking amazing as it did the first time...but, yet, this time, it's not just my body reacting to hers, I can feel her in the deepest parts of me. We aren't even making love, we _are_ love, and I want to stay in this moment forever. Her body grips me like hot velvet, forming around me like she was made for me. Her eyes never leave mine, and I can see how vulnerable she feels like this, how open and honest and yet, she's fearless. There are no signs of doubt or uncertainty.

I watch as she forces her eyes to stay open and locked on mine as her orgasm overwhelms her, pulling me deeper inside of her where I explode and am burnt away to nothing. In this moment there is no she and I, there is only us.

Much later, both of us spent, Bella is lying in my arms right at the edge of sleep. I tighten my hold on her as she settles herself further into me. The moment is so perfect and overwhelming that I can't stop myself from whispering the words that I most want her to know, "I love you."

She startles me by wiggling just a bit, and I'm afraid that she isn't as asleep as I had assumed. She doesn't wake up, simply mumbling something that sounds like, "...too," before quieting down. Not long afterwards she's snoring softly, I follow soon behind her, feeling a sense of peace and fullness that I didn't know was possible.

HHHRtFHHH

The next morning comes all too quickly, and I slowly resurface from the sleep-of-the-dead that I fell into last night after the fucking marathon of...fucking. There's not even time to wonder if Bella is going to be in bed with me because I feel her push her body closer to mine as she too starts to wake up. My arms automatically tighten around her, enjoying the sleepy-warmth of our naked bodies pressed against each other.

Her eyes flutter open as she more fully wakes up, and she mumbles a husky, "Good morning."

"Morning," I reply, the smile evident in my voice.

"So, how long have you been watching me sleep, you creepy stalker?" she teases.

"Oh, you don't know the half of it. Sometimes I think I could sneak in your window and sit in the corner, watching you sleep all night."

Her head snaps back and she stares at me wide-eyed, obviously trying to gauge how serious I am. I just laugh at her reaction. She smacks my arm and huffs in annoyance, but I know that she's not really mad because less than a minute later she's got her face buried in my chest again. "You're an ass," she says, her lips tickling my skin.

"And you are beautiful, sexy, brilliant, funny...need I go on?" I ask.

"By all means, don't let me stop you." She laughs.

We spend a few more minutes just waking up and teasing each other...in more ways than one. But all too soon, it's time to get up and get started on the day. Bella is off work, but I have to go home to get some stuff done.

After I shower, I find Bella in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal; a second, empty bowl along with a mug of hot coffee is sitting beside hers on the table waiting for me. I smile my thanks as she looks at me, chewing her food thoughtfully.

"So, if you were serious about coming with me, I think I'm going to tell Charlie we'll have dinner with him tonight. If you're free, I mean. I just don't want to invite him here because I don't know what he wants," she rushes out.

"Of course I was serious. If you need me there, I'm there. I'll actually feel better about it if I'm there. I know he's your father, but...I just don't like the idea of you going in there alone," I say, embarrassed that I've said too much.

She smiles softly at me. "Thank you," she says, her voice soft. Clearing her throat, she continues, "Okay, well, I'll call you and let you know what the plan is. I mean, obviously I would call anyway, but you know, I'll call about this, too."

Later, Bella calls me to confirm that we're having dinner with her dad. She seems really subdued and distant, which is to be expected, and says that she only spoke to him long enough to confirm the plans. We decide that I'll pick her up and we'll meet him at the restaurant. I arrive at her apartment almost an hour early. Even though we've talked several times today, I can't shake the feeling that she's not nearly as okay as she's pretending to be. I let myself into her apartment, calling out to her to let her know that I'm here. When I don't hear a response, I walk back towards her bedroom where I hear the sound of soft crying filtering through the door.

Pushing the door open, I find her sitting on her bed, still in her clothes from this morning. Her arms are wrapped around her knees, her neck bent and her face hidden by her hair. I sit beside her and pull her to me, desperately wanting to fix whatever is wrong. She relaxes into my arms, pressing her face against my neck in what I've come to think of as 'her spot.' I can feel the warm tears slip down my skin and her raspy breaths are staccato puffs of warm air.

After several minutes of heavy silence, she takes a deep breath that seems to signal the return of her composure, but I wait for her to speak, not wanting to push her.

"I'm so fucking scared, Edward," she finally says, her voice husky from crying. "I have no idea what he wants. Why now? Why, after all this fucking time, does he finally have something to say to me?

"And I'm just so goddamned _angry_ at him and myself! He has no right to do this. He made it perfectly clear that he didn't want anything to do with me, and yet he shows back up when I don't need him anymore. And me, _me_," she spits the last word out with a bitter laugh. "I'm so fucking weak. I should have told him to go fuck himself, I should have told him that I had nothing to say to him. But no, he calls and says he wants to see me, and I just rush to meet him like a good little girl."

Her tense body abruptly sags against me, the fire that fueled her rant completely spent. I hold her tighter to me, once again grateful that she's letting me be here for her, trusting me to support her...and love her, even if neither of us is willing to say those words yet.

"You have every right in the world to be angry with him, Bella. Walking away like that was...I just can't imagine a father doing that to his child; it's so far beyond my comprehension. But you are _not_ weak! You are one of the strongest people that I know. The shit you went through and everything you lost is just staggering. That you made it through is proof of just how strong you are.

"There are no right answers, no absolutes on how you're supposed to feel or react to this. You think your willingness to hear him out is a weakness? I see it as a reflection of your amazing inner strength and kindness. He doesn't deserve a second chance, but here you are willing to give him one, willing to risk yourself to hear him out."

I pause to lift her face up so that I can look at her.

"You don't have to do this. You don't have to see him. I'm here for you no matter what you decide. If it's too much or even if you just don't want to, I'm still here. If you decide to go and we're in the middle of dinner and for no reason at all you decide you want to leave, I'm still here. No matter what he says or doesn't say, no matter how you react to him, as long as you want me here, that's where I'll be. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not judging your actions or thoughts. Whatever you need to do is the right thing."

She leans in to kiss me gently, and I can feel her relax some. I'm not sure if what I've said is comforting or useful. I'm not sure what the hell it is I'm supposed to say, because what I really want to tell her is that her father doesn't deserve shit, and he absolutely doesn't deserve her.

Finally, she sits upright and wipes her fingers under her eyes, erasing the remaining wetness from her face. "You know, it's starting to get a little freaky how well you know me and know just the right things to say," she says.

I smile at her. "Well, it goes both ways; you always know just what I need to hear, too. Especially the things you said last night..." I trail off suggestively, giving her a lascivious grin.

She laughs earnestly and smacks my arm. "And you're back! Here I was worried that my pervy boyfriend was gone forever." Our eyes both widen at the same time, and we stare at each other in shock at her nonchalant use of the term boyfriend.

A grin breaks across my face and I lean in to kiss her firmly. "See, I told you that you know just what to say."

She smiles back at me before standing up to get ready.

Amazingly, we arrive at the restaurant just a couple of minutes late. Charlie is waiting for us at the table. Bella's earlier turmoil has been replaced by a hard, take-no-shit exterior. The same exterior I was met with when I first met her, and that I now know to be nothing more than a mask. I almost smile at my insider knowledge of how she works, but I realize that randomly smiling in the middle of the tension surrounding me probably won't do anything to help with the awkwardness.

Charlie stands as he sees us approaching, his eyes downcast and deferential in Bella's presence. Smart man.

"Dad," Bella acknowledges tersely.

"Bells," he murmurs in reply. I see her eyes narrow slightly, already annoyed, I assume at the familiarity of an old nickname.

She sits in her chair as I take my place next to her, both of us across from her father. "You met Edward yesterday," she says, her voice still hard. I feel her hand find mine beneath the table and she squeezes it in search of reassurance. I squeeze hers back without hesitation. I meant what I said earlier, I have no expectations for her behavior, and I want her to do whatever she feels she needs to. If that means that she doesn't allow her father in on exactly who I am, well that's a small price to pay to help her feel stronger.

"Edwin," he grunts in acknowledgment.

I tense immediately, not in offense - really I would have to give a shit what this man thinks to care if he screws up my name - but because I can see the fire flash in Bella's eyes, and I know that he's already fucked up.

She leans across the table, her voice low and menacing. "Let's get one thing straight, Charlie. You gave up any right to pull this patronizing, macho bullshit the second that you walked away from me. His name is Edward, and I suggest you play nicely, or we will be out of here so fast it will make your fucking head spin." She leans back, taking a sip of water before continuing, "Now, what was so monumentally important that you were willing to break three years of silence?"

His face is pink with embarrassment, and I am working very hard to keep the smug look off my face. I warned him; it's not my fault he didn't believe me. She is so much stronger than she thinks she is. She is absolutely fucking amazing.

Before he can respond, the waiter comes to take our drink orders and is gone again, leaving behind an awkward, tense silence. Charlie is looking at Bella like he's never seen her before, and Bella is almost glaring at him.

Finally he breaks the silence by purposefully clearing his throat. "Kate Denali is being released from prison on December 5th. That's what I wanted to tell you. I didn't know if you knew and after...everything, I didn't want you to be surprised," he says quietly.

Bella's mask slips for just a second, and I see panic flash across her face, but then it's gone. "Well, thank you for telling me. I knew that she was being released, but not when. So, if that's all you wanted to say, then we're going to go," she says, sounding sure and resolute, even though I'm sure she's anything but.

Charlie's hand shoots out, catching her wrist and halting her exit. "Bella, wait. Please. I just...can we talk? I miss you. How have you been? How are..." he pauses looking between the two of us where our hands are still clasped together. "How are things?"

Bella looks at him incredulously, but I notice that she sits once again. "Really, after all this time, that's what you want to talk about? Not, 'Gee Bella, I'm sorry that I accused you of being a drug addict,' or 'Bella, I was the biggest fucking prick for abandoning you because you were in love with a woman after I watched your girlfriend lie and try to send you to jail for shit you didn't do.' None of that, huh?"

His eyes widen and he looks absolutely shocked. "You...you thought that it was because you had a _girlfriend_?" he says, his voice quiet.

"I think you made that abundantly clear," she says icily.

"No! No, Bella, that wasn't it at all! I was shocked, yeah, but mostly I was disappointed that you would associate with someone like that, involve yourself in drugs, and you hid a huge part of yourself from me..." he trails off. "Finding out about your life from a damned police report, having to call in favors and use my position to get you out of that shit, it was like I didn't even know who you were anymore.

"I left because everything I said was just making it worse between us, and I felt like I had failed you as your father. Then, when you wouldn't return my calls, I thought I should give you space, and suddenly it had been so long, and I just didn't know what to say anymore or if you would want me to say anything at all...so I just stayed away. I'm sorry. I know it's completely inadequate, but there's nothing else I can say. I was wrong, and I'm sorry."

Bella sits there, her face completely devoid of emotion, though I know that she's freaking the hell out inside. Her hand is gripping mine to the point of pain, but I just run my thumb soothingly over her skin, silently letting her know I'm here.

"I...I don't even know what to say to that. You left me flat on my ass because you were _embarrassed_? You never once gave me a chance to talk to you about what happened; you walked away from me and let me think that I had fucked up so badly by falling in love with Kate that you didn't want anything to do with me. I _needed_ you. I was so fucking heartbroken and alone; I needed the person who was supposed to love me unconditionally. But you weren't there, and now you come back three years later, just when I'm finally starting to get my shit together, to tell me things you should have said _then_, when it mattered. Excuse me if I'm not jumping for joy that you finally grew the balls to admit your mistake."

With that, she stands up and quickly walks towards the front of the restaurant without even grabbing her coat. I stand to follow her and find her leaning against the front wall of the building. I fully expect to find her crying, but instead she's spitting mad.

"Who the fuck does he think he is?" she yells when she sees me. I say nothing, waiting for her to get it out of her system. She continues fuming and randomly muttering curses about her father for several minutes before quieting. I pull her to me in that moment, wrapping my coat around both of us, since the November wind is bitingly cold.

"Better?" I ask, not referring to the warmth of the coat.

"Yeah," she whispers. "I swore I wasn't going to let him get to me, that nothing he could say would change anything. But, yet, it changes everything, and I want to hate him for it. But he's my father, and I _can't_ hate him. I just...I don't know how to forgive him."

"You know you don't have to decide anything tonight, right?" I ask her gently. I don't think she realizes how much pressure she's putting on herself.

I feel her nod against my chest. "I know. I just wish I knew what to do, but there's no clear choice. I don't like...indecision."

She takes several deep breaths and then pulls away from me. "Come on, let's get back in there, it's fucking cold out here. Would you be okay if we just...eat at home or order something? I don't think I can stay here much longer."

I stop her mid-step just before she pulls open the door to the restaurant, causing her to turn towards me questioningly. Kissing her lips gently, I cup her cheeks and look in her eyes. "Of course, whatever you need," I say earnestly.

We walk back inside and find Charlie fidgeting nervously. As soon as he sees Bella, he starts apologizing. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to say, this is all coming out wrong and I..."

She cuts him off abruptly. "I heard you before. You're sorry, I got that. What I need to know is what you want. Why are you here?" She's back to her hard impassivity.

"I want whatever you can give. I don't have a right to ask you for anything, I know that, but if I could, I would want us to somehow move past the last three years and for you to be in my life again," he says.

"Right, so why the whole ruse then with the information on Kate? Why couldn't you have just picked up a damned phone, or written a letter, or hell, even do what you did and showed up if this is all you wanted? Why make a big production of it?"

"I tried for _months_ to call you, and you wouldn't answer or return my calls. And then, after awhile, I really didn't know what to say. I talked to your mom to make sure that you were okay, but beyond the fact that you were alive and breathing, she refused to tell me anything. I had no way of knowing if you knew about the Denali girl. I needed to make sure you knew, and so I did what I had to to make sure that happened."

Bella leans back in her chair. Her exhaustion is palpable to me, though she maintains a cool, calculating exterior. Finally she speaks, "I need to go, this is...a lot to processes. I feel like we're just talking in circles now, and I need time. I'm not promising anything. I'll call you if I want to talk."

Charlie's face falls at her dismissal, but he quickly recovers. "Thank you, that's all I can ask for, really, is that you think about it."

"Thank you for telling me about Kate's release. It was very...thoughtful," she finishes awkwardly.

We gather our things and I toss some money on the table to cover our drinks and monopolization of the table for the better part of an hour. I quickly whisk Bella away, taking her home where we can deal with the fallout of this evening alone...together.

* * *

A/N: So, we have a key, sexy-times, a sleepy declaration (or was it two...), Charlie's sorry and there's a date for Kate's release. There are also only 3 more chapters plus an epilogue to go! I'm sure those last 3 chapters are just fluff though, right? Because what could possibly happen in 3 chapters?

This chapter came in at a staggering 7200 words and is proof of my love for you, because it really should have been split into two parts. Maybe you would like to return the love by sharing your thoughts?

~As always love and smooches to Kas90, Sammielynnsmom, and KrisScott. Also, thanks to guest pre-reader Mothermeow5!

~I can't tell you guys how much I love and appreciate every review, alert, and favorite! Seriously, thank you.

I own nothing. Until next week ~Kimberly


	20. Chapter 20

Riding the Fence

Ch. 20

BPOV

Edward leads me from the restaurant, and I am numb except for the feeling of warmth that radiates from his hand clasped around mine. It occurs to me that he is literally my life line in this moment, and I am desperate to hold on, to stay right here with him, to be tethered in this way that feels nothing like being held down. He squeezes my hand, silently both asking if I'm okay and offering his reassurance that he's still here.

I give him a small smile, unable to form words to explain the half-formed thoughts running and tripping through my head, but wanting him to know that there is nothing else he needs to be doing than exactly what he is.

The drive home is quiet, each of us lost in thought. My mind is consumed by thoughts of my father, his reasons and explanations. I can feel the hardened parts of my heart telling me that his words are just not good enough, that the words that would be don't exist. But the softer, open parts of me, the parts that have been unconditionally and irrevocably changed by Edward, remind me that my words were also not good enough, and yet I was granted a second chance in spite of their inadequacy.

And beneath all the swirling confusion and indecision is the one person whose imminent reappearance we have yet to address. The person who was the catalyst for my catastrophic failure, the reason for my father's return, the reason Edward and I tiptoe and hesitate just this side of speaking the complete, unfettered truth to one another. The person who I cannot be certain no longer holds the power to ruin me...again. _Two weeks. She'll be out in two weeks._

We pull into the parking garage of Edward's building, the silence still enveloping us. I look at him questioningly, wondering why we didn't go to my apartment. He just shrugs, not answering. By this point the quiet is tangible, a blanketing fog surrounding us, shrouding and stealing the words we need to break it.

Once we enter Edward's apartment, I'm glad that we're here instead of my place. Here he can surround me, let me lose myself in him instead of my head, drowning out everything beyond his scent and his presence.

He starts pulling off his dress shirt and pants as he walks towards his bedroom with me following in his wake. I open 'my' drawer to pull out a pair sleep pants and shirt that I keep here, and we both go about putting on our pajamas. Still the silence stretches around us.

Back out on the couch, he pulls me into his arms, securing them around me. The moment he touches me, I feel my whole body relax, as if Edward is all I need to center and ground me. He kisses the top of my head, and his warm breath washes over my scalp, further easing the tension between us.

"So..." he begins and then trails off.

"Yeah," I sigh, because, really, what exactly can I say?

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. At least not right now. I kind of just want to go to bed. Are you hungry?"

He decides to make a sandwich and I head back to his bed to wait for him. I'm grateful for the few moments alone to try to get a handle on everything. I can tell that my silence is starting to worry Edward, and that's the last thing I want. I only wish I knew what to say.

I must fall asleep while I'm waiting for him because the next thing I'm aware of is the room bathed in muted, warm sunlight through the blinds and Edward's arms wrapped tightly around my body. I feel achy and stiff, like yesterday's emotional battle has left physical bruises. Wiggling out from under Edward, I quietly pad to the bathroom.

While waiting for the shower to heat up, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. The purple-blue shadows under my eyes and the tangled, knotted mess of hair surrounding my face are visceral confirmation of last night's restless sleep. Stepping under the water, I breathe deeply, forcing myself into this moment and out of my head.

The steam swirls around me, dipping and twirling in soft, white currents as the shower thunders around me, and the warm water tip-taps on my skin and the porcelain tile surrounding me. Blowing out my breath in a steady, concentrated stream through puckered lips, I watch as the currents change, the fog continuing to twist and undulate in direct response to my efforts.

Edward's amused chuckling startles me and I yip in surprise, almost slipping on the slick shower floor. I turn to glare at him through the transparent shower curtain.

"You scared the shit out of me! What are you doing in here?" I ask in embarrassed annoyance.

He laughs again. "I could ask you the same thing. Why were you breathing like that?"

I blush when I realize that he had been standing there for awhile without me noticing. "Nothing, it's just something I used to do when I was younger. It clears my head; I don't know why," I mumble.

His eyebrows pucker and the corners of his mouth drop; he looks so upset and I have no idea what's bothering him. "Do you mind if I come in with you?" he asks quietly.

"That's fine."

He quickly sheds his sleep pants and t-shirt. I don't even have time to fully appreciate the amazing view before he's pulling the curtain back and stepping in front of me. He pushes the wet hair back off my face, leaving his hands to cup my cheeks and leans down to kiss me.

"I wasn't trying to embarrass you, you know that, right? You looked so cute, concentrating so hard like that." I nod in response, sensing that my embarrassment isn't the only thing upsetting him this morning, and I wait for him to continue.

He doesn't speak again right away, instead turning me around gently and combing his fingers through my hair before reaching for the shampoo. I close my eyes, relishing the feeling of the pads of his fingers lightly scratching against my head and the relaxing tug of my hair as he works the soap down the ends. After he rinses it out, he wraps his arms around my torso, holding my back to his chest. My nipples harden at the proximity of his hands, and I can feel his cock warm and hard against my back. But despite the reactions of our bodies, this moment is more about physically connecting than it is sexual.

He sighs heavily, leaning down to rest his chin on my shoulder. "I was worried when you weren't there when I woke up. We didn't really talk after dinner last night, and then you weren't in bed. I...didn't know what to expect," he confesses.

"I wasn't trying to keep you out, Edward. My head's a mess right now. Nothing in there makes sense to me, I don't even know how to start to explain it to anyone else."

We finish cleaning ourselves off before getting out of the shower and drying off. The air is still heavy with tension, and I still don't know what to say to dispel it.

HHHRtFHHH

The next few days are just as strained. There are stilted conversations when we try to talk about our worries and attempt to ease them. There is a hesitancy that is new and uncomfortable, the specter of half-formed fears stealing the easy openness between us. In bed, he is possessive and desperate; I am clingy and needy. Our bodies hint at the things we don't know how to say.

It isn't until one night about a week after the dinner with Charlie that things come to something of a resolution. We go to sleep as usual, his body wrapped around mine. I know when the dream starts that it's just a dream. I try in vein to wake myself up, but I'm helpless to stop the scenes playing out behind my eyes. It's the same sequence of events as always - there's Kate and her accusations; there's Charlie walking out of the observation room, but as I move to follow him, a sense of intense dread overtakes me - I know that there is something new and horrid waiting for me. And my body refuses to comply when I try to surface through my sleepy mind.

_I walk through the hallways of the police station on my way to find Charlie. In the distance, I see the glint of bronze hair and the outline of a familiar figure. Realizing that it's Edward, I call for him, but he keeps walking. I follow him down the maze of corridors that I know will lead us to the outside, trying desperately to quicken my pace to catch up with him, somehow knowing that if he gets outside before I reach him, he'll be gone. But no matter how hard I push my body, my steps never speed, and no matter how hard I try to yell, my voice never gets louder._

_Finally, I make my way outside and am frantically searching for him, but he's no where; he's just gone. At the sound of a once-familiar laugh, I spin around to find Kate standing there, laughing at my desperation. I am rooted in place by the force of the emotions that slam through me, unable to move._

_She walks towards me, stopping just in front of me, her hand reaching out to caress my cheek._

"_Oh, sweets, you didn't really think you could keep him, did you? I'm not letting you go."_

_I struggle against her touch, my upper body thrashing, my legs still terrifyingly bound by some unseen force. She leans in and places a kiss on my temple, whispering into my ear, "Mine."_

_Before I can even react, I hear his voice calling my name through the dark, over and over, guiding my mind through the sleepy undertow that has refused to allow me to wake before now._

I sit straight up in bed, desperately sucking in air, the feeling of suffocation clamping around my lungs. Tears stream down my face, hot and unrestrained, and I'm forcing back the panicked racing of my heart. The strong arms around me finally register, and I throw myself into Edward's chest with everything I have, clinging to him.

"Please don't leave me," I beg. I know I sound weak and desperate, but I just don't care. I am shaken to the core; the image of him walking away from me burned sharp and hot in my mind.

He pulls me up onto his lap, holding me to him with a force that should be painful, but right now, still isn't close enough or tightly enough. "Never, Bella. Never." The conviction behind his words washes over me, helping me to throw off some of the residual panic still coursing through me.

When my breathing finally calms, Edward loosens his hold on me while still rubbing my back comfortingly.

"Do you want to tell me about it? It might help," he says in a soothing voice.

"Um, it was the same dream...mostly," I prompt him, hoping that he'll remember this conversation from a few weeks ago. He nods his head, silently confirming that he remembers.

"I went after Charlie when he left the observation room, like I always do in this dream. Except that it wasn't him I was following down the corridors...it was you," I whisper the last part lowly, embarrassed to admit that.

Edward waits patiently for me to continue. "I was running and yelling, but you couldn't hear me and just kept walking. When I got outside, you were gone and Kate was there. She said she wasn't going to let me go," I finish in a whisper. Out in the open, illuminated by logical thought, the dream sounds pathetic and not at all frightening.

He holds me out, looking at me in the eyes. "I'm not going anywhere without you."

Several minutes pass before he speaks again. "I've been trying not to push, but why are you so worried about Kate? You don't...you don't still love her, do you?"

"No! Not at all, Edward. I hate her. I hate that three years later I'm still not free of the anger. I hate that I don't know _what I did_. I don't understand why she turned on me; it's never made any sense. I mostly hate this limbo that I'm in. I'm terrified of her contacting me; so fucking afraid that when I see her I'm not going to be strong enough to say what I need to and get the answers that I need."

"But?" he prompts me to continue.

"But...I'm just as afraid that I won't get the chance, that I'll never know why she did it, and I'll always have this undefined shadow over me, this fear that it's not _her_, it's_ me_. I need to know if she's spent the last three years feeling tortured and guilty, or if she's moved on without a backward glance. I need closure, and I'm afraid that she's going to steal that from me, too."

I look up at him, but he's not looking at me. He's staring off to the side, a look of intense worry marring his beautiful face. He looks almost guilty, but I can't imagine what he would have to feel guilty about. I gently turn his chin so that he's facing me.

"I want to be able to move on. I want to be whole. I want to be able to give you all of me and not just the leftover parts."

"You're perfect just as you are, Bella. I want you just like this. You don't have to change for me," he whispers against my mouth, pressing our lips together as soon as he's done speaking.

As much as I appreciate his reassurance, I can't shake the feeling that there's something he's not saying, something he's hiding. I trust that he'll tell me when he's ready, and when he does I'll be here to listen and reassure him, give him everything he's given me.

We finally settle back down for sleep, my body almost wholly on top of his in what feels like an attempt to actually crawl inside his skin with him. There is no such thing as close enough.

HHHRtFHHH

December 5th comes and Edward makes a point of taking me out for the day; we go to Seattle Center to ice skate. It's been years since I've gone ice skating, and after a couple of hours, my ass is sore and frozen and my sides hurt from laughing so much. We buy a couple of hot chocolates and sit on a bench away from the ice, trying to warm up and dry off.

"So, ice skating - rousing success or dismal failure?" Edward jokingly asks between sips of his drink.

"Definite success! I haven't had this much fun in a long time. Well, except you almost getting into a brawl on the ice, that was kind of a tense moment," I tease him.

He scowls in mock annoyance. "I got pushed down; I couldn't just let the guy get away with it!"

"Guy? Edward the kid was like ten and half your size!" I'm laughing outright now.

"Whatever, he had it coming," he grumbles before laughing with me.

I turn my head to roll my eyes at his silliness. As my eyes still, I catch sight of a woman with long blond hair standing maybe ten feet from us, casually sipping from a paper cup and watching the crowds. Even though logically I _know_ that it isn't Kate, that knowledge doesn't stop my heart from racing and my breathing from accelerating. She could be anywhere, and I have no way of knowing.

"Hey, Bella?" Edward's voice in my ear causes me to jump and I turn back to him abruptly. "What's going on? You look like you just saw a ghost."

I shake my head, trying to clear out the irrational fear that's clouding my thoughts. "Nothing. It was...nothing," I reassure him.

He pulls me to him, kissing the top of my head. "You have to relax. I can only imagine how anxious this is making you, hell, I'm anxious _for_ you, but you can't live like this...always looking around, waiting for her."

I nod against his chest. He's right; I know he's right. But it's not the logical part of myself that I'm having trouble convincing.

"Lunch?" he asks.

"Yeah, sounds good," I say, trying my best to give him a genuine smile. Kate's going to do whatever she's going to do; I'm not ruining what up to now has been an amazing day over her.

The rest of the day goes without incident; he does his best to keep my mind off Kate, and I try to keep myself in the moment with him - because really, there's no where else I'd rather be.

And each day that passes without Kate contacting me gives me a little bit more confidence that she won't. After a week, I stop looking down the street, half expecting to see her. If she hasn't contacted me by now, surely she's moved on. That idea isn't nearly as terrifying as I had thought it would be.

The middle of December I learn something about Edward Cullen that I never would have guessed: he's kind of a dork when it comes to Christmas. And it's absolutely adorable. We're sitting on his couch one night, flipping through the television channels, when _It's a Wonderful Life_ comes on. He pauses and watches with rapt attention. I'm staring at him with a raised eyebrow, wondering what the hell he's so fascinated by, but he doesn't even notice.

"Edward?"

"Huh?"

"Eeedddwaaaarrddd..." I whisper, trying to get his attention.

"I love this movie," he replies, obviously distracted.

"Oh...okay, then." Because really, what can you say to a grown man who has what seems to be a rather ardent love of a sappy holiday movie?

Suddenly, he turns towards me, his eyes sparking with excitement. My insides goo at the little boy playing in his expression. "We need a tree, Bella!"

"Sure, we can get one. We never really did much for Christmas, so I don't have any tree decorations or anything."

"I have everything we need, don't worry," he says in what I think is supposed to be a reassuring tone. Instead, it feels a little like I've walked into the Twilight Zone and my boyfriend's body has been taken over by elves or something.

An hour later, we're in a tree lot, in the light snow, wandering around looking for the elusive 'perfect Christmas tree'. I gave up helping twenty minutes ago after every tree I pointed to ended up in a diatribe on why that tree was a blight on Christmas trees everywhere, and if it had any self-respect at all, it would burst into flames and save the world the shame of it's existence. At least that's what I inferred from his huff and eye roll.

Finally, after what feels like hours in the freezing cold, Edward finds The Tree. Apparently, it's the holy grail of all trees, the tree which all other trees wish they could be. This is the Chuck Norris of Christmas trees.

It's also the first tree we looked at when we got here, but I keep that bit of knowledge to myself. There's no reason to ruin his fun, and, really, just watching him so excited about something is worth it.

After wrestling the tree onto the top of Edward's car, we drive back to his apartment and eventually get it up two flights of stairs, through his front door, and into the stand. He goes off in search of the lights, and I go into the kitchen to start some hot chocolate.

As I'm waiting for the water to boil, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Taking it out, I glance at the screen; it's an unknown caller, so I send it to voice mail and slip it back into my pocket. Once the mugs are ready, I return to the living room, setting them on the coffee table and watch Edward stringing the lights around the tree.

Listening to him hum _We Wish You a Merry Christmas_ and work around the tree, I feel myself getting caught up in his enthusiasm. I could get used to this...I hope to be used to it for years to come.

"Hey, can you go look in the back of my closet and get the box of ornaments? I don't think it's too heavy." Edward's voice brings me back to the moment.

"Sure, I'll be right back." I smile at him gently and walk towards his bedroom.

The box is sitting in the middle of the closet floor, clearly marked Christmas Stuff. I bend down to get a good hold on it; he's right, it's not heavy, just awkward. As I shuffle out of the closet, trying to watch my feet since I can't see in front of me, an envelope on the floor catches my eye. I walk a couple of steps before I register that the handwriting looks vaguely familiar.

Rolling my eyes at my nosiness, I set the box down again and pick up the envelope, looking at the front. What I see makes my stomach drop and my heart thunder painfully in my chest. It's one of Kate's letters to me, and it's in Edward's closet.

I don't open it. I know that right now, more than I need her platitudes and excuses, I need to know what the _fuck_ this is doing in Edward's closet or in his apartment at all. Maybe there's some rational explanation, or even an irrational one. At this point, I'd take irrational. Just anything that doesn't include Edward voluntarily having this in his possession, him having actually read it. Anything that can quell the churn of my stomach and let me breathe again.

Ignoring the Christmas box, I walk back out to the living room, envelope in hand.

Not turning around, he starts speaking, "Just bring it over and set it down next to me. I'm almost done here."

I don't move, and he finally turns around, taking in my expression.

"What happened? What is it?" He sounds panicked.

Holding up the envelope, I look at him, my expression begging him for this not to be what I know it is. "What the fuck is this, Edward?" I spit out with more venom than I intended.

But the minute he looks at the paper, I can see recognition and fear light his features. He knows. He did this.

Swallowing hard, I blink rapidly trying to keep the hot tears at bay. There's a roaring in my ears, and my vision narrows and dims. I sit unceremoniously on my ass to keep from passing out. He rushes to my side but I just shake my head. I can't look at him right now.

_This is Edward. He has a good explanation. He would never hurt me on purpose, _one part of me says.

_You thought the same thing about Kate,_ the hardened, cynical part of me sneers.

I can't form coherent thoughts beyond those. Nothing makes sense, and my swirling, tumbling emotions are threatening to pull me under and never let me resurface.

I suddenly realize that my phone is once again buzzing in my pocket. I'm so desperate for a distraction, something to take me out of this moment, that I don't even look at the number, just answering with a flick of my thumb across the screen as I press it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Bella? It's...Kate," her smooth, clear voice trills across the line for the first time in over three years. I hastily press 'end' and stare at it in wide-eyed horror. When it rings again almost immediately, I throw it across the room, where it hits the wall with a dull crack and the ringing stops immediately.

A/N: So, that letter came back to bite Edward in his perfectly smackable ass. After all of Bella's emotional growth, how do you guys think she'll react? Has she changed and grown enough that she'll be able to hear him out and work through it, or is it just too reminiscent of Kate's betrayal for her to forgive him? And Kate's back. I don't think there's really anything I can add to that.

Can I just say that the idea of tattooed, pierced E being adorkable over Christmas makes me all swoony inside? *sigh*... Oh, sorry, I went to my happy place. Right, well, only two chapters left! At least poor Bella will get some resolution quickly - one way or another.

Thoughts? Directions to nearest escape route to avoid the angry mob? Chocolate?

~You...yes, you - you're my favorite reader and I love you the most! (Just don't tell the other readers, we don't want to hurt their feelings.)

~Someone nom'd RtF for a Sunflower Award for Best Edward and that makes me all giggly. Whoever you are, thank you! (And you're really my favorite.)

~As always, love to Kas90, Sammielynnsmom, and KrisScott for all their behind the scenes magic that makes me look fabulous...as opposed to looking like I wrote the story in the middle of the night, possibly after I'd been drinking. Oh, wait, that is how I wrote the story. So, yeah, thank you guys for fixing that.

~This chapter has been brought to you by the letter I for Insomnia. Please blame my lack of sleep (but surprisingly, not drinking) for the extreme silliness of this a/n.

I own nothing! Until next week, ~Kimberly


	21. Chapter 21

Riding the Fence

Ch. 21 (Part 1)

EPOV

I'm staring at the broken girl sitting on the floor in front of me, and she's staring at the broken phone lying against the wall, and neither of us are speaking. I don't even have to ask who it was. I know we were both holding our breath, waiting for her to call. I'm frozen, completely overwhelmed by the last five minutes. I should have told her about the letter; I meant to tell her about the letter. But after she came back, I was so worried about how she would react that I put it off, and then later, it just seemed to be less and less pressing. It became one of those things I intended to do 'someday'.

She still hasn't looked at me; she hasn't moved at all since violently throwing her phone. I have no idea what to tell her - do I address the phone call or the letter first? Or maybe neither...maybe she doesn't want me to speak at all. All I know is that if I don't figure out what to say, exactly the right words to give her, she will walk out the door and this will be over. There is no doubt in my mind of the outcome if I fuck this up even more.

I slide to the floor in front of her, not moving any closer, but at least putting us more at eye level. And I wait. Her body initially stiffens when I sit, but she takes a deep breath, slowly exhaling, and she relaxes minutely. I'm not quite sure how much of Bella is actually present; it seems like she's more instinct and emotion right now than logic and thought.

I did this. Because for all my demands that she open up to me, that she be honest with me...I failed to do the same thing for her. I was so afraid of her anger that I hurt her in probably the worst possible way.

Finally she raises her eyes from her lap and stares into mine, her pain palpable. "Why do you have this letter, Edward?" she asks, her voice is eerily calm, devoid of emotion.

"I'm so sorry I..." I begin, but she cuts me off abruptly with a determined shake of her head.

"Just why? Please. It's taking everything I have to sit here and listen. Every-fucking-thing - do you understand?" Her voice cracks at the end, and I can't do anything except for stare at her, and hurt for her, and ache to fix it. She's once again refusing to look at me, staring at her lap when she continues, "Why? That's it."

"Okay," I tell her softly. "A couple of days after...that morning, I was at Alice's. She sent me to her office to grab some pictures off her desk, and I accidentally picked that envelope up, too. I knew it was wrong to take it; I knew that it was an invasion of privacy. I'm not going to pretend that I didn't know that. But, Bella, can you understand the place I was in? I was only being given half-truths from everyone around me. I thought you didn't care about me at all, and I lo...cared about you a great deal. I needed something, anything to go on to understand why you wouldn't let me in. And here was this letter that possibly held the only answers I was likely to receive. I just wanted to understand." I swallowed hard. "I just wanted to know you."

When I meet her eyes again, hers are sparking in anger. "And did my ex-girfriend give you some illumination into who I really am? Did her platitudes ease your worries?" she spits out at me.

I don't know how to answer that. Because, although I learned that Bella had someone in her past that hurt her, it truly didn't tell me anything about the woman that I've fallen in love with. There was nothing in that letter to indicate how funny and caring and sweet Bella is. Nothing to show that even though she has plenty of reason to truly distrust everyone around her and even though on the outside she presents a take-no-shit mask to the world, on the inside she's determined to find the good in people. Nothing that let on just how _good_ she is, down to her very deepest parts.

In my silence, she continues, "You sat there that day and demanded that I open up and bleed out for you, wring out every fucking drop and lay my broken, fucked-up, mangled heart out for you to see! And I did! For you. Even though it _hurt_, even though it fucking tore me up. I fucking did it for you! Because I wanted to trust you! Because I believed you when you said you wouldn't hurt me.

"And you knew. You watched me ache and burn; you watched my drink myself into numbness just to be able to utter the words, and _you let me_. I'm sure you didn't know everything, but you knew enough to know the basic summary, and you sure as fuck knew the ending.

"Forgetting how fucked up it was that you took it. Forgetting that. Why would you have kept it from me? You've had that letter for months! And not a fucking word. Nothing! Why?"

She's staring at me accusingly, her words still ringing in my head, echoing inside and burning every place they touch. I don't even think when I answer her, unable to be rational and calm.

"You make it sound so cut and dried. Like if I had just told you, you would have been this perfectly reasonable person and listened to my explanation. But you wouldn't have! The woman that I knew then was so fucking ready to push me away that she would have ran and never looked back.

"And that doesn't excuse my not telling you; I know that. I swear, I was going to tell you about it. I never meant to keep it from you forever. I kept the fucking letter because I had every intention of telling you. If I wanted to hide it, I would have thrown it away. No one knew I had it.

"But I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't demand your honesty and then not give you mine. But I also couldn't risk losing you, Bella. It was a situation of my own making, but I was still stuck between two shitty options. I didn't know the right way to handle it...so I put it off."

By the time I was done, she was no longer angry. The fire in her eyes was gone, replaced with just _sadness_.

"So, even after the last few months, you still don't trust me? I mean, as much as I hate to admit it, I can see why you took it and wouldn't have told me right away," she says, taking a deep breath. "But, Edward, I've done everything I can to show you that I'm not running. No matter how hard it's gotten, no matter how hard it's been for me to let you in, I have. And you're sitting there telling me that it just wasn't enough. I...fuck...I don't know what to say that," she finishes, sounding so small.

That's not at all what I meant. I'm just terrified of what that letter means. It's proof that she might not feel the same about me as I do about her, that there might be someone out there who better fits her ideas of forever...a _woman_ who fits her better.

"I...god, why is this so hard? I didn't mean that I don't trust you!" I pause, trying to think of how to explain it to her. "Do you know what that letter says?"

She looks startled and confused by my question but answers anyway after a minute. "Probably the same thing the one and only letter I read had, that she's sorry, and she had good reasons, and blah, blah, fucking blah. It doesn't matter; she's a fucking liar."

"But, Bella, what if she's right? What if one day you decide that you want that again?"

She jumps up, towering over me, her eyes narrowed. She's angrier than I have ever seen her, even a few minutes ago when she came to me with the letter. "What if I want Kate back? If that is even a possibility in your mind then you can go fuck yourself, because you don't know me at all!"

I hate this feeling of physical vulnerability, sitting on the floor with her standing above me, so I awkwardly stand up and move across the room, needing some space.

"No, not her! Not her, but a woman! We've never talked about this; you always brush it aside when I try to bring it up. But _I_ am the anomaly in your relationship history! Me. I am the first and only guy you've ever dated; you've made a point of saying that several times. How the hell am I supposed to take that? What if this is just a phase for you or something you're going to outgrow? I held onto the letter because I was terrified that when we had this conversation you were going to tell me that this isn't the same for you as it is for me. I'm fucking _in love with you_! You're it for me, and I don't know if I'm always going to be enough for you."

She's staring at me with a look on her face that I can't even begin to decipher, and that scares the shit out of me. I've been able to read Bella like an open book almost since the beginning. Finally, she walks across the room, not even hesitating before she wraps her arms around my waist and lays her head on my chest. My arms immediately move to hold her, neither of us speaking for several minutes. She pulls away, looking up at me. When she speaks, it's soft and understanding.

"Why do you think I fought so hard against this, Edward? Why do you think that it freaked me the fuck out in the beginning? Yes, it was the fucking intense connection and, yes, it was the shit with Kate. Underneath it all, though, I was terrified that you were not what I had planned. You walked into my life, and you looked nothing like I thought you were supposed to. I'm sorry you felt like I wasn't addressing your concerns. I honestly didn't know that it was something you were worried about."

She brushes her palm along my cheek and jaw. I can't help the stomach twisting feeling that this is some kind of goodbye. I start to speak, but she runs her fingers over my lips, silencing me.

"I'm here because of _you_. Not because of your dick. Not because you're not a woman. But because you are an amazing person. Because you make me feel less crazy. Because you make me laugh when what I really want to do is scream. Because you know me better than anyone else in my life, better than people who have known me for years and years. I'm here because you are you.

"But I think we made a mistake. We are more than this thing that keeps us tethered to each other. Yet we've been acting like because it feels inevitable, and it feels fated, that we can just rely on that to get us through. I know I fucked up in the beginning. I know that I _was_ fucked up, and you were there to fix me and show me that I didn't have to be bitter and broken anymore. You showed me I could trust you, and I do, completely and wholly; I trust you.

"I want you to know, deep down, soul-deep, that I'm here because I _choose_ to be, because I don't _want_ to be anywhere else. You say you love me, but you don't trust me. You don't trust me with _your_ fears and _your_ fuck-ups.

"The fear of us breaking up should never supersede our honesty with each other. I've done that; I didn't ask Kate questions. I didn't demand that she tell me what was going on when I _knew_ there was something wrong, because I thought my need to have her was more important than my need to know the truth. I refuse to let you put yourself in that position...I refuse to be put in that position."

My heart is beating painfully as I process her words.

"So where does that leave us? Are you breaking up with me?"

"No, absolutely not. I just...I need you to understand that I will never be with you just because I _can't_ live without you. And I don't want you to be with me because you don't have a choice. I also learned that the hard way - losing yourself in someone isn't the same thing as love, not being able to function and survive without another person isn't love. Love isn't a suicide pact. It's not something you yell out when you're angry, like it's hurting you."

She smiled sadly as she walked into the kitchen, grabbing her bag and then back to the living room where she gathered up the pieces of her shattered phone. I quickly catch her arm, turning her towards me.

"So we aren't breaking up, but you're still leaving?" I ask incredulously.

"I need some space, Edward, and you have a choice to make: either you trust me to catch you, to choose us, or you don't." She presses her lips to mine and then she's gone.

I stand rooted in place, staring after the closed door for I don't know how long, wondering what the hell just happened here. The half-naked Christmas tree mocks me from the corner, a reminder of where we were an hour ago, in another lifetime.

I think the hardest thing to take is that despite just how much it must have hurt her, she wasn't angry, not after the initial shock wore off. If she had screamed and yelled, I could have taken that...I deserved that. But she was just so fucking understanding and loving and patient. She was so resolute in her belief that I wasn't trying to hurt her and that we are better than hiding things from each other.

I wanted to stop her, to tell her she was wrong, that I do trust her, but I couldn't get the words out, because as much as I wanted them to be true, they just weren't. I have no idea why, though. I love her and need her; I told her as much. I don't understand why that's not enough.

I groan loudly, roughly pulling my fingers through my hair. Not only did I scream that I love her the first time she was fully awake and aware to hear it, but I also didn't escape my notice that she didn't say it back. And then she left.

There's no doubt in my mind that I've royally fucked up, but I don't actually understand exactly how I managed it. But I know one person who is always willing to tell me when I'm being an idiot and how to fix it: my mother.

HHHRtFHHH

The next day, I find myself in my parents' kitchen, sitting across the bar from my mom. She was surprised to see me, but it wasn't hard to tell that I need to talk to her. My parents met Bella a few weeks ago when I brought her over for dinner, and they genuinely liked her - which makes asking my mom's opinion a lot easier.

"So, to what do I owe this pleasure, Edward?" my mother asks, though there's something about her slight smirk that tells me she has some idea why I'm here.

"I messed up, and I need to figure out what I did so I can fix it." I then proceed to give her the abbreviated version of Bella's and my fight, generalizing where possible to avoid details that I have no desire to discuss with my mother.

By the time I'm done, she's looking at me with a mixture of pity and amusement. "Have I mentioned how much I like Bella? Because I really do."

"What the hell, Mom? I'm your son; I thought you were supposed to pick my side," I say, only partly kidding.

She doesn't even hesitate before she smacks my arm. "Mouth," she says, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Sorry. But, really, I tell you she left because she needed space and you tell me you like her?"

"Edward, are you here because you want me to cuddle you and tell you how wonderful and amazing you are and how much I love you? If you are, then by all means, let me know, and we can do that. But I kind of thought you were here because you messed up and wanted my opinion?" she asks, completely serious. The amazing thing about her is that she would never give me unsolicited advice; it's one of the reasons it's so easy to talk to her.

"You're right. I want to know what you think," I concede.

"Well, I do like Bella - I like her _for_ you. I have never seen you so single minded about a girl before. The couple of girls that you actually brought home were gone before we had a chance to meet them again. But Bella's different. She challenges you and makes you work for it, and she's obviously not afraid to call you out. I like her because I love you, and she is exactly what you need."

I nod my agreement because she's right. Bella does challenge me, and I can't imagine ever being bored with her.

"From what you're telling me, it doesn't sound like she _left_. It sounds like you both needed some space, and she realized that."

"Right, but I don't understand why she would tell me that she trusts me and then leaves. I don't know why she doesn't think I trust her."

"Why did you keep the letter from her? Why didn't you come to her when you first realized you had to tell her?"

"I told you - I was worried about the outcome of that conversation."

Mom raises her eyebrow at me, giving me that look that tells me she's leading me somewhere completely obvious that I've somehow missed. "Okay, so what you're saying is that you only have to be honest when you know the outcome is going to be pleasant?"

"What? No, of course not! That's not what I meant at all!" I say exasperatedly.

"But you kept that from Bella because you said you were worried how she was going to react. Is she unreasonable? Is she mean or vindictive? Does she hold a grudge?" The sarcasm is practically dripping from her tone.

I sigh. "No, well...she wasn't always reasonable...it's complicated."

"Okay, so you guys had some issues in the past, but what about now? Do you still worry about that?"

"No, not at all. She blows me away with her ability to forgive other people."

"And you didn't think she'd do the same for you - hear you out and forgive you for screwing up?"

Well, shit, when she puts it like that, I'm an ass. Of course, she would have at least listened to me...just like she did today. And, of course, she would have been forgiving...just like she was today. Fuck.

"Do you see now?" she asks gently.

"Yeah, yeah I do."

I haven't trusted her. I've been there for her and helped her to see her strength, but I never once considered that she was capable of reciprocating. I never once thought of telling her about the things I worry about, my fears, and my failings.

My mom's arms wrap around my shoulders. "We all make mistakes, Edward. No one's perfect. Pencils have erasers. And I'm betting that Bella already knew that you're imperfect, and she sticks with you anyway. Give her a day or two and then talk to her."

I nod my head, remembering the phrase she always said when I was growing up and would get frustrated because something didn't turn out right. _Pencils have erasers because everyone makes mistakes._ It wasn't an excuse to brush off a screw-up, but just a way to remember that no one's perfect.

I'm driving home later that night, resolved to go to see Bella the next day, when my phone chimes a new text message. Glancing at the screen, I see that it's from Bella. My heart pounds, and my first thought is that she's tired of waiting for me. And just as quickly I get it - I totally fucking understand what she was talking about and what my mom was really trying to tell me. It's not that I can't be afraid or insecure, but that it's not okay to act as if those fears and insecurities are truths and judge her for them. This is _Bella_ - she's not going to do something shitty like breaking up with me by text. She's not breaking up with me at all. I'm choosing to trust her...choosing her.

At the next red light I pull up the message.

_I miss you. And I still choose you._

Fuck tomorrow. I turn right instead of going straight as I had originally intended, desperate to get to Bella. I don't want to spend another minute with her not knowing. I have no recollection of the rest of the drive, and I'm not even sure I'll be able to find my car tomorrow; the only thing I can focus on is the girl waiting for me, trusting me to get it right.

I force myself to knock like a normal person instead of banging the shit out of the door trying to get to her. She opens the door quickly when she realizes that it's me.

As soon as I'm inside the apartment, she starts to speak, "Edward, why..." but I don't let her finish.

"I'm making a choice," I tell her, unable to stop smiling.

She looks startled, stuttering out, "Oh, okay. What's your choice?"

"You. I always choose you." I pull her to me, holding her tightly, relieved to have her here again. A couple of moments pass, and I feel her shaking against my chest. I move to look at her face, worried that she's crying, but I'm completely speechless at the sight that greets me. She's silently laughing, biting her lip to keep the sound in, her eyes dancing with humor.

Seeing her so happy makes it impossible to be upset, so I laugh lightly at her laughter and look at her questioningly.

"Well, I was just thinking that all I was going to ask you was why you didn't use your key. But I may not let you ever use your key again if this is the kind of greeting I get by opening the door for you."

"God, I love you," I say, still laughing with her.

Her breath catches and immediately she stops laughing, staring up into my eyes, grinning widely. "See, that's more like it," she says. She reaches up to kiss me and just before our lips meet, whispers, "And for the record...I love you, too."

* * *

A/N: Okay, everyone together now - "awwwwww". So, was the ILY worth the wait? What did you guys think of how Bella handled it? We are almost to the very end, just need to take out the trash...*cough-Kate-cough*

This is Part 1 of the last chapter. Part 2 is BPOV and is going to be pretty short, about 2K words. It's almost finished, and I'll be posting it within the next week. The epilogue will be along a few days after Part 2 posts.

You guys continue to amaze me :) I'll save all the extra mushy stuff for later though. For now, I'll just say thank you, really and truly.

As always, love to Kas90, Sammielynnsmom, and KrisScott for all they do!

I own nothing. Until next time! ~Kimberly


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: This is the last regular chapter, but there's an epilogue coming. Mushy, epic a/n at the end, you know, if you're into that sort of thing, lol.

Ch. 21 (Part 2)

BPOV

"God, I love you," he says, laughing.

My jaw actually hurts from the wide smile that takes over my face. _This_. This is love. This is what I knew we were capable of, what we both deserve.

I need to have his lips on mine, so I move closer to him. But first, I whisper, "For the record? I love you, too."

The moment the words are out, he becomes a man-possessed. His mouth is on mine, open and demanding, as he lifts me and presses my body against the wall behind me. His hips are grinding into me, his arousal hard against my thigh. My hands are entrenched in his hair, gripping the strands and holding his lips to mine. I feel just as desperate as he does, just as insistent on showing him every ounce of passion he incites in me, finally free to let every bit of love and lust rush through me; my whole body intent on proving one thing.

He is _mine_.

"Fuck, Bella. Yes, yours." He moans in response to my unknowingly-voiced thought. I begin to nip along his jaw, sucking on his neck, loving the burn of his abrasive stubble against my face. I know I'll be red and splotchy in the morning from the friction, but fuck if I care now. Right now, it's just another sensation to heighten my already burning desire.

Edward's hands firmly grip my ass, causing me to moan. I feel him ease me away from the wall and lock my feet behind his hips to keep myself upright. Moving awkwardly towards my bedroom, we stop every few feet against whatever flat or vertical surface we encounter, lost this sensory-overload of teasing and biting, sucking and licking. By the time we finally make it to my bed, we've left a path of discarded clothing, a toppled lamp, scattered papers, and numerous skewed pictures.

He drops me onto the bed, single-minded about our goal as he pulls his boxers, the last article remaining on his body. I throw my bra across the room and lay beneath his burning gaze, my whole body, glistening and flushed, on display. The weight of him as he lays above me is perfect - neither of us in a place to even consider sexual gymnastics.

I wrap my legs around his hips again, bringing my soaking center into contact with his cock, both of us moaning at the feeling. He pulls his hips back slightly, allowing himself to line up with my entrance. His sparking, verdant eyes glow with desire and possession, as he demands lowly, "Say it, Bella."

I hear the words, but I can't begin to work out their meaning, my whole being focused on what comes next. I whine and press my hips up, trying to get him to give me what I want, but he pulls his hips further away from me in denial. Finally, I understand what he needs from me.

"I love you, Edward," I almost sob out in desperation.

In a moment of tender reprieve, his lips whisper across my cheek, and he sighs out, "I love you, too."

Just as quickly, the moment is over, and he slams into me as hard as he ever has. Stars burst white and hot behind my closed eyelids every time he buries himself inside me. I'm so overwhelmed, the only sound I can make is a breathless scream, punctuated by his grunts and moans as he fucks me mindless and boneless, and I'm completely consumed.

This is not slow and gentle love; this is animalistic, mutual claiming. This is the explosive cacophony of two people forging themselves into one. Neither of us is coming out of this alive. We are burned and melted and molded forever as one - stronger together than we ever were apart.

I can feel myself right on the edge, every muscle tense, poised to fall apart, give in, but I'm hung up, unable to let go. Edward growls into my ear, "Who do you belong to?" and snakes his fingers between us, moving swiftly across my clit. And his words, with the added stimulation, are all I need; my orgasm detonates with in me, and I come screaming, "Yours," over and over, as I drown and tumble. As lost as I am in my own pleasure, I can still hear him find his release as he yells out, "Mine," in echoing response.

Later on, Edward and I lie together, warm skin pressed together in comfortable familiarity; I feel completely and totally at peace. Everything about this is right, the man beside me, everything we had to go through to get here...even everything that happened with Kate feels like it has a place. Without it, I wouldn't be where I am now.

His purposeful throat clearing brings my focus back to him. "I know we've said no more apologizing about yesterday, but I was wondering about something. Why weren't you freaked out about Kate's call? I mean, you just seemed so...I don't even know the word for it. Determined, maybe?"

I'm quiet for a minute, trying to figure out how to explain it, because so much about what happened wasn't based on rational thought, but more doing what needed to be done in the moment. The feeling of his hand brushing up and down my back focuses me, and I find the words. "I _was_ freaked out about it. I was completely unprepared to hear her voice, and it was so hard not to get lost in that so that I could focus on you...us. But when I finally understood that you kept the letter hidden because you were afraid of losing me - I don't know, it just shook me.

"And I realized that if I let myself get lost in the shit with Kate and you were lost in your fears...then who was going to be here to make sure we got through it, you know? You needed me, and nothing else mattered. Not my past with her, not the phone call, not the letter. Nothing mattered but you and showing you that you are more important to me than any of it."

I hear him sigh and swallow thickly behind me. His arms tighten around me, pulling me closer to him, as he runs his nose along my shoulder and places soft kisses on my neck. Neither of us speaks again - there are no more words we need.

The next week passes in a blur of holiday preparations. We finish our tree the next day and then work to fill out the underside with presents for our friends and family. Stupid things make us happy, like putting our names side by side on presents for people we know together, or when his mom calls to ask me to bring the candied yams to Christmas dinner- because I'm not a just a guest. We are easily that couple that makes you want to hurl, and even though we roll our eyes at ourselves on a regular basis, we just can't help it.

When the doorbell rings at my apartment a couple of days before Christmas as Edward and I go about getting ready for the day, I am not surprised to see Kate standing there. I stand in the doorway, making no move to let her in. Even after all these years, and despite her blond hair being in a bob instead of the long waves I remember, she still looks almost exactly the same - breathtakingly beautiful. And I couldn't care less.

"What do you want, Kate?" I ask, the lack of venom actually startles me. I just sound bored, which almost makes me smile.

"I'm here to see you, of course. I told you in my letters, sweets. Didn't you get them?" She moves forward, her arms outstretched. I instinctively take a couple of steps backwards, determined to keep her at more than arm's length.

Her slight pout looks petulant and spoiled. I know I haven't seen her in three years, but I honestly don't see how I ever found _that_ attractive. When I don't respond, she tries again.

"Didn't you miss me at all?" she asks, her voice small, in what I am sure is a calculated effort to get me to react.

I can't stop myself from laughing at her. "Miss you? No, no, I can't say that I did. What part was it that I was supposed to miss? The part where you lied to me for months about what you were doing? The part where you almost killed my best friend? Or, my personal favorite, the part where you tried to send me to jail?"

At the challenge, her mask slips just slightly and she snaps, "I explained that in my letters, Bella. What else was I supposed to do?"

I say nothing, not out of fear or worry, but because there is nothing to say. If she had showed up even a couple of weeks ago, I would have argued with her, desperate to get her to understand what she did, to see her remorseful and sorry, desperate to know why. But now, it just doesn't matter.

When Kate's eyes narrow and she stares behind me appraisingly, I realize that Edward has come into the living room, likely wondering what's taking me so long. "Bella? Who's at the door?"

Staring right at Kate, my focus unwavering, I reply, "No one, no one at all."

As he slips his arm around my waist, I lean into him slightly, silently reassuring him. He kisses the top of my head before speaking again. "Oh, you must be Kate. I've heard all about you." His tone leaves no doubt that he's not complimenting her.

I can see the moment that she works out her defeat; I see the anger light her eyes. Part of me hopes that she'll just leave, now that there's no hope or reason for her to be here. But, of course, she does nothing of the sort.

She snorts in disgust and sneers, "Oh, Bella, I bet your daddy is just so proud of you, bringing home a nice boy."

Edward's body stiffens behind me. I lean harder into him, making sure he doesn't intervene. I can feel his muscles twitching with the effort of holding himself in place.

"You know, there was a time when I wanted nothing more than to tell you everything I went through, to make sure you knew what you did. I thought I needed answers, needed to understand. But I know now that it just doesn't matter, because _you_ don't matter. Get the hell out of my house, don't come here again, don't call me again, don't wave if you see me on the street. You aren't even dead to me - you just don't exist."

For just a moment, a brief pause, I see pain on her face and a glimpse of the girl I once loved and thought I knew. "Please..."

But I cut her off. "Goodbye, Kate."

And I close the door.

* * *

A/N: And there you have it! :) Bella's past has been dealt with, her demons vanquished, and Edward's fears put to rest. Now all that's left is for them to get about the business of living happily ever after.

For those of you who enjoy epilogues, one will be along in the next few days - it's more of a short, fluffy future-shot than a true epilogue. I think pretty much everything that needed to be said has been.

And now for some sappy thank you's :) -

I truly have enjoyed taking this trip with all of you. I can't thank you enough for sticking it out with me, even when it was hard. Your kind words of encouragement have made this story what it is and kept me motivated even when I was frustrated with it. The response to this story was beyond anything I could have hoped for, and every review, alert and favorite has made me ridiculously happy.

I was so nervous about posting RtF, especially in the beginning when I know a lot of people were caught off-guard by the opening scene, and it was hard to see how this was going to turn into a BxE story. I've heard from so many people that they don't read slash at all, but they read this anyway. And I hope it doesn't sound trite to say that I am honored and grateful that you all gave it a chance.

Kas90, Sammielynnsmom, and KrisScott – you girls have talked me off ledges in the middle of the night, held my hand when it got hard, kicked my ass when I tried to cop-out, and always, always, pushed me to be a better writer and storyteller. Thank you is wholly inadequate, but it's all I have. So, Thank You.

I still own nothing. Until next time, ~Kimberly


	23. Epilogue

Epilogue

EPOV

1 Year Later...

"Bella, I think maybe we should just wait for Jasper to get here with the truck," I try reasoning with her, but she's having none of it.

"I am perfectly capable of helping you move this shit! It's not my fault you packed bricks," she says, indignantly.

"I know you're capable, but I'm afraid I'm going to actually lose a toe if another box gets dropped on my foot."

"Fine, then what can I do that won't be too much for my delicate feminine sensibilities?" She huffs.

"Sit on the couch and look pretty?" I ask her jokingly.

She cracks a begrudging smile, playfully shoving me. "Ass."

"But I'm your ass," I say, nuzzling her neck with my nose.

"Yes, yes, you are." She laughs lightly, scratching her fingernails against my scalp. I reach to kiss her, aware that we only have a minute until our friends get here to help us finish packing up my apartment. But when she opens her mouth to me, I can't help but take advantage of the moment. My hand finds its way to her ass just as the front door is opened and Angela and Ben walk in.

"Okay, you two, enough of that. Bella, do you guys have any food? I'm starving!" Bella's very pregnant best friend asks, already rummaging through the refrigerator.

"Ooh, Ruben sandwich! Yum!" she exclaims victoriously. I start to object, but the savage look she gives me makes me honestly fear for my life if I try to come between her and the food, so I keep quiet and avert my eyes.

Beside me, Bella giggles, whispering, "Smart boy."

"Come on, man, let's get started on the bedroom furniture," Ben says, quietly adding, "before Ange decides we have to go make a fried chicken run or something." I always thought that was a comedic exaggeration, but one look at Ben tells me that there's really nothing funny about a hungry pregnant woman.

Witnessing Angela go through this pregnancy has made me very grateful that kids are a very long way off for Bella and I. I'm not sure both of us would survive her all geeked out on hormones.

Bella asked me to move in with her a few weeks ago, and we've been moving my stuff over a little at a time. This weekend we're moving the last of it, including the heavy stuff we need help with. I think she was inspired to finally co-habitate with me after Jasper and Alice surprised us all with a wedding at their newly-purchased house. We went over for a housewarming BBQ; instead, we were met by a Justice of the Peace. The whole thing lasted ten minutes and then they were married. The party afterwards was relaxing and fun, which is exactly how they wanted it.

Alice comes a few minutes later, bringing boxes with her. She and Bella start packing the rest of the kitchen, while Angela supervises from the sidelines. Bella and Alice have gotten along fairly well since the day Jasper moved out of the apartment, and while there have been the occasional argument, and they don't seek each other out to spend time together, they're easily able to co-exist and interact. I think that's about as good as their relationship is ever going to get, so neither Jasper nor I push them.

Once Jasper arrives with the truck, the day passes in the barely-controlled chaos of moving, until everything is relocated to Bella's apartment, which is now _our_ apartment. We feed our friends some pizza and beer, as a reward and thank you, before everyone disburses to go back to their regular lives, leaving us alone, sprawled out on the couch.

"God, I don't think I can move," Bella complains with a groan.

"Good thing this shit will be here for us tomorrow, huh?" I tease her.

"Don't remind me. I'm not sure where we're going to put half this stuff!"

I laugh, patting her leg in commiseration. "I'm going to go get the mail. Are you going to bed or staying up awhile?"

"I should probably write a bit before I go to bed. I'm going to shower and then take the laptop into the spare room. Fuck, something else to do tomorrow - we've got to get the office set up in there for you."

I scowl at her. "And you, Bella. You need space to work, too." We've had this conversation several times. I want her to quit her job at the restaurant so she can write full-time, but she insists on working until she's an actual paid writer. I have faith that she's going to make it; she doesn't have to have a paycheck to prove it to me.

She just shakes her head at me, refusing to comment. I lean down to kiss her quickly before hobbling down to the mailbox on the first floor of the building. A quick glace through the stack of envelopes shows a ton of junk mail for me already, but the only real mail is a large brown envelope addressed to Bella.

I carry it all upstairs, dropping the junk into the recycle bin and walk to the bedroom to find Bella on the phone. I silently ask her who it is and she mouths 'Dad' before turning her attention back to him. They talk every couple of weeks, both of them making the effort to repair the damage that was done. I still think the guy is an ass, but as long as he doesn't hurt Bella again, I can be polite. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way about me, so it works out.

I go to the living room to give them some privacy.

After a few minutes, Bella comes out of the room, stopping to give me a quick peck on the lips and bends over to grab her laptop. Before she picks up the computer, though, I hand her the envelope.

"What's this?" she asks, sounding almost nervous, though I have no idea what that's about.

"I don't know. It was the only mail we had besides advertisements."

She swallows thickly before ripping the top flap off and pulling loose a stack of papers, one of which looks like a contract of some sort. It's my turn to look at her questioningly. But she doesn't notice as she scans the pages. I notice tears in her eyes, and it worries me.

Before I can even ask any questions, she sighs out a laugh and plops down on the couch. "I...I had no idea! This is crazy! Right? Yeah, this is definitely crazy!"

"What's crazy, Bella? What's in the envelope?" I ask, starting to feel exasperated that she's not filling me in.

Her eyes snap to mine and she looks momentarily guilty. "Well," she says, swallowing thickly. "Do you remember you telling me I should call Professor Laurent?"

I nod, remembering that particular fight when I suggested to Bella that she was capable of so much more than just being a waitress. We went round and round about where she'd live and how she'd make ends-meet, and for every objection she raised, there was me with an answer to her. I had even suggested she contact the professor she had in college with the publishing contact he had offered to introduce her to back in college. It had pissed her off to no end that I was pushing her. Eventually, I had dropped it, knowing that I wasn't going to make anymore headway if she was angry. "Yeah, but I didn't think you'd made a decision."

"Well...I had pretty much decided as soon as I got what you were saying. I emailed him, showing him the changes I've made to the manuscript and asking his opinion. He didn't just read it for me, he mailed it to his friend..." she trailed off, sounding like she was on the verge of breaking out laughing.

"You're killing me! He mailed it, and?" I ask her, trying to contain the happiness and pride bubbling inside my chest.

"And I'm gonna be a published author! They even want first rights to the rest of the series!"

I scoop her up in my arms and twirl her around the room, laughing loudly with her, while she vacillates between disbelieving laughter and staring off into space with a goofy grin on her face.

"You know what this means, right?" I ask her. "No more restaurant."

She giggles. "Yep, no more restaurant."

* * *

A/N: And that's all she wrote! I hope y'all enjoyed the little bit of fluffiness before we bid RtF a final farewell. :) A few people have asked for a JasperPOV outtake and I may try to do something like that at some point, but otherwise, I have no plans to write anymore for these guys.

Once again, thank you guys for all your kindness and encouragement. You've made writing this story so much fun!

RtF is up for a couple of SunFlower Awards: Best Edward and Best Lemon Pie. Thank you so very much to whoever nom'd it! Just being on the list is a huge honor :) Voting starts 5/4 thesunflowerawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com

Even though I'm saying goodbye to these characters, I'll still be writing! I have a couple of things in the works. In the next couple of weeks I'll be posting a possibly funny, definitely odd o/s that was inspired by Charlie's porn-stache, called "Cops and Bobbers." I'm also writing something for Fandom For Sexual Assault Awareness, possibly the JasperPOV, if I can make it work in time.

My next multi-chap is called, "Feels Like Years"; it's an expansion of the o/s "Here Comes the Sun". It'll start posting this summer sometime. Summary: Bella has always done exactly what's expected of her, until a chance meeting makes her question the cost of living to make everyone else happy. Will she be willing to lose everything for the chance to gain so much more?

If you'd like to keep up with what I'm working on, put me on author alert or follow me on twitter (at)morethanmyself :)

As always, thanks to Kas90, Sammielynnsmom, and KrisScott. You girls rock my world.

I still own nothing. For the last time this story (*sob*) ~Kimberly


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